I just don't have get turned on at all. I go through the motions and everything... but there just isn't anything there. Whats worse, it seems to be over before I get in the room!
He only wants to be intimate 1 or 2 times a month.
I think me not getting aroused is odd though, because I am constantly in the mood, until he gets home. Sometimes a man can just look at me and I will get turned on.
When my bf and I first got together, he turned me on alot, and he always wanted me. Now though, I almost feel like I am cheating on myself when we fool around.
Whats wrong?
2006-10-11 06:31:02 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The question is, can you be sure you ever really wanted him in particular or just that you wanted. When you're single sometimes it's just having the unfulfilled desires that can lead us into what we think is what we want.
Then you have to factor in the possibility that since you have been together for a while that you have become comfortable with each other. Long term relationships have their own since of security just because of the amount of contact.
If you're attracted to other men this may be directly proportional to personal changes in your man that you're not even aware of because your amount of attention to him has dwindled over time. And if the sex is over even before it starts it's probably a technical problem with one or both of you.
I recommend you go on an information gathering expedition. Read as many diverse sexually motivated books as you can get your hands on. Sometimes it's not getting a how-to manual but just the change of perspective.
Finally, consider this, usually when you want something new it's because you really don't appreciate the something old you already have. New relationships have their own set of problems that may reflect the problems you have now or not. It's the idea of the unknown that's grabbing at you. Work on knowing the difference between love and infatuation.
If you spend this time of change to work on you and not worry about that which could be wrong with the situation, you're guaranteed to be satisfied.
2006-10-11 06:47:57 · answer #1 · answered by Hacksaw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe things have gotten a bit boring with him. Perhaps you could try choosing new places to be intimate- like a secret spot in the park, or something. Maybe he will get so turned on by the new surprises, that it will turn you on, all over again, and renew your intimacy arousal. Or maybe he just doesn't excite you, anymore.Its not ONLY up to the woman to keep things hot. Its also up to the guy to help out with that, too. Maybe he should trying being more romantic- outside of the bedroom- and then see what goes on INSIDE the bedroom- after that. If he only wants to be intimate 1 or 2 times a month, maybe you are being turned off by the fact that you don't feel WANTED by him. I wouldn't be aroused, either, if I didn't think my boyfriend wanted me. I'd rather find another who DOES want me. But, finally, you should both talk this out and see what's up- or not up- with him.
2006-10-11 06:40:41 · answer #2 · answered by Monic 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, the real question may be do you still want to be with him?? two years is quite a long time to be with someone, but not so long that you shouldn't still be aroused by him. perhaps you not being sexually aroused by him are symptoms of other things wrong in the relationship...for instance, do you still get excited to see him or want to spend time with him? do you guys talk regularly and go out together? from the few details given i can only guess that you probably want to be with someone else. it is not unusual to see other men and be turned on, but to be more turned on by them and not at all by your boyfriend...that's bad. it may not be him. maybe you are stressed or really busy so you are tired...there are many factors that affect sexual drive, but you seemed to point out that it's him.
also, the fact that he only wants to try to be intimate 1 or 2 times a month is also bad. you guys should talk about this. you should make more of an effort to be physical with eachother, because although it is not the most important thing, it is extremely important in a relationship.
are you insecure about your body and yourself? this has been a leading factor in many of my friend losing sex drive. i read an article that low self esteem is actually the main reason women lose a lot of sexual feelings.
in conclusion haha...i would suggest discussing it with him first, then perhaps thinking of moving on.
hope this helps!
2006-10-11 06:39:00 · answer #3 · answered by cheekybrit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of things are wrong with this picture. First off, you say that he use to turn you on, or if you are turned on he comes home, you get turned off. Have you lost interest in him? Be honest with yourself, it is much different to love someone and be IN love with them. Maybe you're heart and other parts* have moved on but your mind hasn't caught up yet. If that's not it, then has something else happened in the mean while. His sex drive has diminished and he's turning you off. If something has happened between the both of you then you might want to go to counseling. (i.e. abortion, miscarriage...) things can be difficult to deal with and definitely turn you off.
If you are meant to be together and you're sure of this, then maybe try a little game. Turn off the lights, blindfolds if you must and do something different. Maybe the both of you are just bored. Go to an adult store and pick up some instructions for him and foreplay. It takes most woman 5 to 15 minutes to "warm" up to the idea of sex to even be capable of orgasm.
Bottom line: I think you know the answer, go with your gut instinct.
2006-10-11 06:43:57 · answer #4 · answered by Lola 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're bored.....that's all. He needs to figure out how to get u back into it. He probably does the same routine..top, lift legs, from behind n bust one...rite? Yeah, tell him switch some chit up..He sux, you need a real man. Not a sorry fuq. 2 years is too short of a time for you to lose interest in something like that. Sorry that's how i feel, thank you come again.
2006-10-11 06:36:38 · answer #5 · answered by NVR UNDRESTM8 KARMA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the two of you need to take a trip to Priscilla's and put some spark back into the relationship..It may need a jump start and sadly you may have just had a physical relationship that has just died down. Try an adult toy and novelty store if that doesn't work then...THE THRILL IS GONE !!!
2006-10-11 06:34:54 · answer #6 · answered by chubbie dumplins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a strong proponent that sometimes you've got to get down and dirty with your SO. Intimacy is good and necessary, but so is some crazy carnal sex. Seriously, try literally jumping him one day when he gets home and just go to town. No talking, no kissing, nothing intimate. Afterwards, ask yourself if that's what you needed and ask him if he liked it. I can guarantee he will. Just see how it works for you.
2006-10-11 06:42:18 · answer #7 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps if you're upset with him about a unresolved problem it might cause a problem with your sex life. It might also mean that you're not into him anymore...looks like he's not that into it either if he only wants it once or twice a month.
I recommend you talk to him about this problem and give him a chance to let you know how feels about the relationship. It might be time you both moved on.
2006-10-11 06:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by elektriktourist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After a while the intimacy of a relationship winds down. Just dont think about it too much and see what happens. If you worry yourself over this you will never get that intimacy back.
2006-10-11 06:33:27 · answer #9 · answered by ~*~Jeni~*~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe me i completely understand, my bf. of 2 years and i are the same way. but i told him. and that was about 1 month ago and he has been trying to make it better for me. it is only a little better, so i have decided to go to a therapist to see if there is something wrong with me emotionaly
2006-10-11 06:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by blondie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋