I am interested in one of the ministers at my church. I think he is interested as well, but I am not sure if he knows I'm a single mom. My son goes to church with me, but he may not have made the connection, My son is 12. I am devoted to God, a good mom, educated (six-fugures), but obviously insecure. Do you think he wouldn't be interested because I have a child? The guys I dated in the past never cared, but he is a minister so it's different, I ask because I don't want to go down "that road" and be disappointed.
2006-10-11 06:20:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Just to clarify - He is not the church pastor! We have several ministers that teach Bible school, head ministries, etc. Very similar to a deacon, but they have formalized religious training.
2006-10-11 06:42:43 · update #1
I don't think the fact you have a child is necessarily a problem with having a relationship with the minister. Ministers are people just like everyone else. He might love kids, or might not. He might be ready for a relationship, or he might not.
The biggest problem which you may not be aware of is that in most denominations there are ethical guidelines such that a minister cannot date a congregant. However, most churches have a plan for when relationships develop between clergy and members.
If you develop a relationship with the minister, what probably will have to happen is that you will need to start attending another congregation, or you might continue attending where you are but be assigned to another minister for your spiritual needs.
Hope this works out for you. You sound like a great person!
Edit: I saw your additional details but this info would not change my answer much, except to say that even if this man is not "pastor" there still may be expectations or rules about him dating you. These rules are not unsurmountable, however, and in fact, romances in congregations happen all the time. The key is to be above-board and take any steps that are needed in conversation with the pastor. So this is just something to be aware of in case he seems reluctant to want to get involved and to point out that hesitancy on his part may not be due to the fact that you have a child but more to about a set of expectations his ministry (whether ordained, nonordained, trained, not trained, deacon, elder, whatever!) may have.
2006-10-11 06:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by Ponderingwisdom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's your minister, he probably knows already, or he should.
Go ahead, get to know him! Ask him his opinion of certain issues or things in the Bible, invite him to Sunday dinner, make friends! There are a lot of single mothers now, and even ministers understand that. If your church has been a friendly place for you and your son, I don't think he'll be judgmental towards you because you have a kid now.
2006-10-11 06:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I think he should know that you have a son if you bring him to church. Other wise he is not really paying attention to any one else either. If you think he is interested in you. Give it a chance. Ask him if he would like to go out for lunch with you and your Son. This will give you the Answer you may need. If he declines and dose not give you a straight answer; then he may not be interested in you.It can't hurt and you would be at peace knowing this so you could get on with your life.
2006-10-11 06:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by Mickey M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Down that road might be like 2 or 3 dates. Only he can answer that question for you. Ministers are human too. Have lunch with him and mention your son.
2006-10-11 06:23:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I only think the part about "he is a minister so it's different' is so sad. I can't see the difference. If anything, he should be more accepting. No matter who you're interested in, it is destructive to build a relationship on a feeling of inequity.
2006-10-11 06:25:10 · answer #5 · answered by georgia b 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
talk to him
let him get know the real you
tell him you past, present, and future
usually the first time is done on appointed engagement
( breakfast, lunch, or dinner )
not all at once
little by little
most important
be yourself
minister or not
a real man will respect that in a real woman
2006-10-11 06:37:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
depends upon the person. there are some it would bother but some it wouldn't. suggest you invite him to dinner or some such and try to get a feel for how things are. personally wouldn't mind having a son as there would be so much we could do together as a family and as a dad and son.
2006-10-11 06:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by Marvin R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a minister is no different than any other human. They have their faults, good points, like other women just as much as anyone else. If he refuses to date you because of your son, then one of his faults would be self-righteousness.
2006-10-11 06:33:27 · answer #8 · answered by mountain_laurel1183 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you never ask you will never know
ask him what he think of your son, he is a minister you could ask him what he would do if ...
or just ask him where he is going after church one Sunday and see if he minds if you and your son join (assuming restaurant)
2006-10-11 06:31:22 · answer #9 · answered by Noble Angel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a Christian, it is your obligation to be honest in everything.
Just tell him you like him, and introduce your child. You won't be as disappointed if you tell him outright and expect the worst. The worst that could happen is he'll tell you he's not interested.
2006-10-11 06:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋