Small engagement ring..?

Question

I just got engaged, and got a .20 ct Tiffany ring, when I showed it to my married friends, I realized mine its the smallest. I felt a little bad about it because he has money to get me something better, I 'm not asking for a 1 ct diamond because my fingers are long and narrow, a .30 ct would've been perfect though. I dont want to hurt his feelings by asking for a bigger ring.. I've been thinking all day and its nothing to do with the ring itself, but more to do with what it represents: spending my future life with a cheap man..am I been materialistic, greedy and ambicious?? Should I care??

Answer 1

Do you like the ring? Did you think it was nice before you compared it to that of other people? Ask him what made him choose that one. Maybe he really put alot of thought into it and it had nothing to do with the price. if you have a good man who cares about you and the right things in your life together, size doesn't matter. it's the sentiment that counts. Maybe he wanted to save money for something else more important for your future together like a nice big house for you and your kids. if you like it and love him for who he is then that's all that matters. Don't make him feel bad over something so petty.
besides guy can have bad taste and be clueless sometimes.

PS: is it a solitaire? b/c if it is then you can get one of those ring jackets to put it in. It'll help make it look more substantial.

Answer 2

My dear young lady, when I proposed to my first wife all I could afford was a 0.12 carat diamond from Service Merchandise. Thinking back on it I could have saved my money for a while and tried to get something bigger, but my wife loved it right up until the day she passed away and we were just as married as everyone else. So what's more important, spending the rest of your life with this man or keeping up with the Joneses? Here's another thought: He may have spent less on the engagement ring because he's thinking about things like your honeymoon or where the two of you are going to live or buying new furniture or any number of things. You should NOT automatically conclude that he is cheap because he bought you a ring that is smaller than what you would have liked, even if you do believe he has the money to get you something better. You don't know everything about his financial situation right now, so it's very possible that he might have had to take out a line of credit to get you that 1/5 carat Tiffany ring. BOTTOM LINE: If you can't be happy with what you got and what it represents then there's no question: You're materialistic and greedy, and that's going to cause the two of you nothing but trouble if you get married.

Answer 3

You plan on marrying this man. Talk to him. He may not think of it as being cheap. He may think it's a nice ring. Then again, he may not think it's important to get a large stone. (And, there's really not much difference between a .2 and .3 carat diamond. Had he gotten that, your ring still would have been much smaller than that of your friends.)

I'm not materialistic, but I did want a nice ring. When my HB and I started talking marriage, I told him that. I also told him that I understood that was a big expense. So, if he couldn't afford both an engagement ring and a wedding ring, just get a really nice wedding band. He ended up getting a very nice 1.5 carat ring and we decided on simpler bands. That may be an option for you.

Either way, please don't get caught up on the size of your diamond. It will mean so little in years to come. What you really need to clear up is how the two of you view finances and spending. I see that being the bigger problem here. Now, THAT is the type of thing that breaks up marriages!

BTW, if it came from Tiffany's, be assured you have a good quality stone, even if it is on the small side. Nothing in Tiffany's is cheap!

Answer 4

Anne:
Whether or not you're being materialistic, greedy or ambitious is not as important as what the ring means to you. The ring itself may have no meaning to your future husband, only to you. Does the size of the stone determine your feelings for him? Does the stone in that ring represent who and what he is? I would hope not. Then what does a .20 ct stone represent in an engagement ring? It could mean several things, if you look at it symbolically. Then, again, it might not mean anything if you (collectively) are both serious about each other. May I suggest this to you. Between now and the proposed wedding, keep your eyes, ears and imagination open with him. Watch how he spends money and what he spends it on. If he is a spendthrift (wastes a lot of money), be careful and think twice about your future plans. If he is frugal (tries to save at every turn), then that may just be the resolution to your doubts and the answer to your question. In either case, I truly wish you the best in your future plans. Most sincerely,

zeke

Answer 5

Remember this, whether or not you feel that this is the "perfect" ring for you, your new fiance believes it to be the perfect ring. The part about the engagement ring and it being the biggest or the smallest really doesn't matter, it is just the fact that this man wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

Also, one of the lost thoughts on new brides-to-be is that you also have a wedding ring coming ... and so does your husband-to-be. Rings are expensive, as are weddings. If you are paying for the wedding yourselves, there are about a million expenses that actually occur that you never think about.

In terms of financial planning, you also have to weigh the following ... Do you want a bigger house or a bigger ring? Do you want to save for college for your future children or a bigger ring? Do you want a more glamorous wedding/honeymoon or a bigger ring? Do you want to have a bigger ring from another man or be with your fiance?

There are going to be lots of rings, jewelry, etc. that are going to come along the way. Try not to be greedy now (I know it is hard, as women, we all want the biggest and the best) but it will come. Trust me, it will come.

And in the end, being with the right person is the most important thing, not having the perfect ring.

Answer 6

If it really bothers you this much, I suggest you talk to him about it. Who knows if he has other reasons for choosing a .2 ct ring? Are your hands very small? Does he plan to get you an elaborate wedding band? Is money not important to him?

Only you know if you're materialistic and greedy, nobody would know from this question what you really are. Maybe you're having second thoughts in general and are using this as a reason to re-evaluate your engagement.

The best thing to do is to either accept the ring he's given you and forget about it, or tell him the truth and discuss the size of the ring. Good communication starts before you get married, so if it is something that you can't let go, bring it up and figure it out.

Good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 7

I have a wedding ring that is a carat and then the smaller stones around it are another carat. I have been married 12 years and let me tell you after years of wearing it I swear to God it shrinks!!!!! I thought it was big at first but after a few years it just seems small so if it seems small now you really won't be happy.
What you can do is pick out an awesome wedding band with a bunch of diamonds. For our10 year wedding anniversary my husband bought me a 3 carat eternity band. The diamonds go all the way around the finger and never stop. I get so many compliments. I don't think you are being materialistic!!! This ring is going to be on your finger for the rest of your life for peets sake. Instead of hurting his feelings just buy a wedding ring with a bunch of diamonds. You will be happy and so will he!!!!!! Its called making everyone happy and thats what marraige is all about.

Answer 8

You are being materialist and greedy. The ring represents a promise to marry you, nothing more. Besides, it's a Tiffany's ring! It was by no means a cheap ring, no matter what the size of the diamond is.

Also, you are only concerned with the carat weight of the diamond. Did you know that a small diamond with a higher clarity and cut will be more expensive than a large diamond with a dull clarity and cut?

But I suppose that you want to marry a man who will run himself into the poorhouse so that you can keep up with the material items your friends have.

Answer 9

Is this relationship about status or commitment? A ring is a gift. It is a symbol. The love really has nothing to do with the ring. He may be very wise to live within his means and not be wasteful spending. He may be a very good & responsible husband. You can also increase the size of the diamond on each aniversary or add other stones to it. Focus on the relationship for now. Oh by the way, tell your friends who try to intimidate you...this wise old joke....the bigger the ring/stone the smaller he is. That will put you back on top of them all! Have a great relationship and life...do not get caught up on the material world.

Answer 10

No I don't think your being greedy. I think you just want to know what's with the small ring. you could always ask but put in a question. Don't make him feel that you don't like the ring. They say that your wedding ring should be 3 months of your man's paychecks. So yeah I would be wondering too. Maybe he's thinking too that on your 5 or 10 year anniversary he's gonna get you a huge rock. You never know right. It wouldn't hurt to ask. Just make sure you tell you love him not matter what, when you ask. Good luck and I wouldn't worry about it. Al least he did tell you with the ring you have now that he does love you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You got one up on a hole lot of Lady's out there that have no man.