How do I deal with seperation anxiety?

Question

I am a stay at home mom of a 1 year old little guy. I am currently looking for a job and he will start day care soon. The only problem is that we have been together for 24 hours a day for the last 1 year and he is very attached to me, well i'm attcahed to him too. I don't know if I can deal with not knowing what he is doing at every moment of the day. I am suffering from seperation anxiety too. I really need to get a job, because we had everything planned out that I would care for him for a year and then I would go back to work, amd I don't want to mess anything up, financially. Is there anything I could do to help me with the transition?

Answer 1

It is going to be tough no matter what your strategy is. Best advice I can give is keep the goodbyes short, sweet and simple. Say your I love yous, give hugs and kisses, then leave. Nothing makes it worse that to drag it out (oh baby, mommy has to work, i hate to leave you, etc...) I am not trying to be cold hearted, believe me, it tore my insides out when I had to leave my first son to go to work. But trust me, it is harder on you than the kids. More than likely he will quit crying as soon as you are out of visual range. My experience is child care for 20 years and I've also been a working mom, so I have experienced it from both sides. Good luck.

Answer 2

I am a stay at home mom of a 1 year old as well. I have never been away from my son either. We are also very attached to one another. The important thing is to start leaving him with a sitter for an hour or maybe even 2 or 3 hours at a time. Just so he gets use to you not being around. Also a really good idea is to have your sitter come over or if she will be keeping him at her house you guys go to her house a few times just to visit before leaving him and that gives them two time to get comfortable with each other. Have her to do things for him while you guys are just visiting. Once you do leave him and go back to work just call a few times throughout the day to check on him. Most importantly is for you both to bond with the sitter and for you to leave him for a few hours at a time at first. Even if you only grocery shopping or even go back home and take a nap or clean. If he does go to the sitters house send all his favorite toys and comfort items so that something is still the same for him. He will probably adjust better than you although it will take him a few days or maybe a week or so.

Answer 3

Can you ease your transition and go back part time? You might also find that daycare costs you more than you will make. For example, where I live, daycare is around 800 dollars a month. Add in gas and food expenses and you're looking at like 1000 bucks a month. Make sure what job you do pick ends up being worth all the separation and cost of daycare.

Answer 4

The most important thing: Check out the daycares extremely well and only place him in one that you feel 100% comfortable with.

Go in and talk to the director and the teachers who will be caring for him until you are satisfied that they will take excellent care of him. Walk around and observe the classrooms of all ages. Ask tons of questions...like "Can I come any time I want?" (if the answer is no, don't place him in that daycare!) Ask about discipline, meals, snacks, naps, what if they get hurt, etc.
Most daycares give you a daily log each day when you pick your child up. It tells you what they ate, how much they ate; if, when and how much they pottied & what they did in their classroom.
Daycares today aren't just babysitters, they teach the children and prepare them for school. It's a very structured, routine environment (which is what young children need)

Your anxiety is the fear of the unknown. If you know how they run their daycare it will reduce the stress and anxiety. If you are nervous, anxious, upset, etc....you will make your son that way. Make sure you get him excited about it! Ask if you can call and check on him. You will call at first but eventually you will stop calling, especially when he comes home so excited about his day. Be sure to talk to him about things he did and events that took place.

Expect him to cry at first. You will too...I did! But don't let him see you cry. It's unknown, scary and different for him too. But once he gets into the routine and makes new friends, he will be happy to go. There were times I went to pick up my children and they cried because they didn't want to leave yet!!

Children thrive in daycares. He will learn so much:
How to play well with others
Sharing
Manners
Taking turns
He'll do arts and crafts and make things to put on your fridge, to hang on your Christmas tree, he'll learn new songs, etc.

He will also be prepared for when he does start school, academically and socially. Both of my children went to daycare and when they started school, their teachers said they could tell the difference between kids who went and those who didn't.

A cute memory I have of my daughter: One day I picked her up from daycare. On the ride home she looked at me and said, "Mommy, when a cold front meets a warm front, that produces a thunderstorm." She was only 4 years old!!
Talk about A PROUD MAMA. I called everyone I knew and made her repeat what she had learned.

It's a growing experience for both of you!
He will be fine and so will you.

(the only downfall....he will probably get sick a lot at first until he builds up immunities) Just give him vitamins, make sure he eats well balanced meals and gets plenty of rest.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Take it slowly at first, take him to a "mother's morning out" for a couple of hours once or twice a week. Then increase it a bit as you try to get a job. It's important for both of you to have time on your own. He needs to learn social skills and the only way he can do that is to be around other children and adults. You need to get back into the adult world so that you can work and not be so dependent on your child. You also need to give your child the independence he needs to grow up and rely on himself. How can he learn that if you can't let each other go? It's a tough time but you will both be better for it.

Answer 6

Your going to be more upset than he is, but he will cry for a bit when you first leave and this is perfectly normal for both of you! For your own sanity, pick a good daycare provider -- check references, run a police report, talk to other parents, etc. Before you go back to work, take your son to the daycare for a couple hours a day a few times a week as a transitition between stay-at-home and working.

Answer 7

I know what you mean my son has been with me every day for 2.5 yrs! The best thing that helps is knowing that by him going to day care now he'll learn to speak sooner and interact with children his own age. You going back to work will give you time for yourself and a chance to bring in more money for your family. That means better holidays and you won't have to worry about paying bills late. In the beginning it's a little tough but it will get easier everyday and soon your son will be so us to it when you take him to day care he'll run over to his friends and not even notice you leaving him to go to work. That's a good thing. It's all a part of life, your son knows how much you love him and you know how much he loves you. Think of it as an opportunity for the both of you.

Answer 8

You know what?......you aren't the only one going through this....
us Canadian moms have ONE year maternity leave......so we have all been home with our little ones for the entire year 24/7....

I went through the exact thing weaning my daughter from breastfeeding....and then I went through it again having to leave her when I had to go back to work.....

You will have to hold your head high and make your child excited about leaving him at the daycare......and cry when you're outside and away from him.....
you can't let him see you cry......it will make it 10 times worse....

and it's all about TRANSITION......leave him with others for an hour.....and then move onto two......and then longer and longer...until both of you can handle the separation.......
right?

Be strong........
it'll be ok......

we are all going through this with you at one time or another you are not alone!!

Hope this helps!

Answer 9

Well before you start work pick a place where your son will stay and then take him there with you, even it's someone you know and are comfortable with. Your son will feel secure with you there and as he gets to know the surroundings both he and you will feel much more comfortable knowing he's safe and happy. I always give my kids time to adjust to new places and people before leaving them, and they are so far very and happy outgoing because we both know they are always in a safe and secure enviroment.

Answer 10

separation anxiety SUCKS for mom and baby but what you could do is start putting him in day care a couple of days a week now even if for just half days. that way he will get accustomed to being without u. if you do use daycare a couple of days a week be sure they are consecutive days