i need advice?

Question

ok i look after my dad full time. there is a carer that comes in the mornings. she`s a beautiful romanian girl. i know very little about her only that she had a baby some months back. i think she came over from romania wiv her mum and i think she lives wiv her mum. i have no idea if she has anyone special in her life. the thing is i have fallen for her. i just can`t get her out of my head. i feel it`s very awkward because she is my dads carer and if i asked her out and she said no it will mess everything up as regards to her helping out in the mornings wiv my dad plus my dad thinks a lot of her. i really don`t know wot to do. it`s a very very long time since i`ve fallen for anyone. wot i mean by a long time is the last time i fell in love was 18 years ago. i`d really appreciate ur thoughts on this. thankies

a bit more info....
she`s lived in the uk for 3 years. she works for an agency that supplies carers, i don`t actually pay her wages. my dad has advanced alzheimers and has trouble getting 2 words out together. i know he thinks a lot of the carer because she makes him smile. it`s hard to chat wiv her because she has to keep to the time allocated to her by her agency. although i don`t know her well i`ve fallen for the person that she is. kind, caring, happy and funny despite her gorgeous looks.
i`m going to have big problems sorting out the best answer because all the answers u`ve all given me are fantastic. thank u :)

Answer 1

I am not surprised that you have fallen for this lady - it sounds like what with looking after your dad you don't get much time to get out and meet people. Plus don't forget that she will be on her best behaviour around you and your dad because she needs the job looking after your dad.

I would think very long and hard before you approach this girl. Thing about what you have to ffer her, think about what the relationship might entail in real life - snatched moments in between helping your dad? Could you take her out on a date?

But you falling for her is also a good thing in a way, it shows you are still a living breathing human being dosn't it. Can your dad be left in the evenings? Or could someone sit with him occassionally if you went out to meet people - not necessarily in night clubs and stuff but what aobut joining a club or class in your area? I understand it is hard when you are caring for a relative but some day he won't be there anymore and you need to make sure you still have life when that happens - I've seen so many people lose the plot when the person they are caring for dies.

Please,please think about yourself a bit and don't just fall for the first nice person to come your way in a long time.

Answer 2

Well, it would be best if you found out a little about her first. Talk to her for a few minutes on her way in/out in the mornings for awhile and see if there's even a chance. Is she already with someone? Does she even seem interested in meeting someone, and does she seem to like you?

If you get the impression that things are going positively then you should try asking her to do something friendly with you outside of your home and away from your dad. If she agrees and things go well then you could ask her for a date, but let her know that if it isn't what she wants you don't want to make her uncomfortable and she should feel ok saying no. If she does say no, then accept it gracefully. Stay clear of her when she comes and goes for awhile, but be pleasant when you do see her, so there won't be any awkward tension.

Answer 3

You have to go about it in the right way. Nothing should stop you from persuing your happiness. Its a matter of approaching her on a different level. Make your own opportunity outside of the job she is doing for your family. Let her know you appreciate all she does. Its a sticky situation, im sure with your dad being ill and all. Put yourself iin a position to talk with her outside of your home. Dont talk about your dad the whole time. Show her you have more to offer than a paycheck to her. Meet the kid. Introduce yourself. Confidence goes a long way my friend. Has she given you any indiaction that she may be interested? or is her attitude toward you not that of affection? If she is vibing with you, then your in! If she dosent give off the feeling that she would be interested, then you should play it cool too. Drop hints, and make indirect passes to make her laugh, be creative. Her life is hard enough, try to lighten it for her. And above all, honesty is the best policy. Tell her how you feel about her, but not too soon. Make that connection first, then try to sel the deal.
Good Luck

R

Answer 4

hhmm....tricky one!! just take things one step at a time. become friends and get to know her first. you will be able to tell if she feels the same but if she doesn`t it`s not the end of the world!! show interest in her but not over the top!!! ask questions and find out about her interests etc.whatever you do,don`t jump in with 2 feet!! that will just scare her away!!! she might leave and not come back,then you`re dad would have lost his carer and you a friend or possibly more. take care,i hope things work out for you.x

Answer 5

First thing I would do is ask your dad if it would upset him or his care if you asked her out. Then if it is ok with him start by getting to know her better. When she is around ask her questions about her self and her life. You don't have to get really personal. This will help you get an idea of who she is and if she is interested in you as well. Some times we obsess about people we don't really know because they appear to be what we are looking for. You don't seem to know much about her, yet your falling in love with her? If you really think this is the girl for you then take it slow. Get to know more about her before you ask her out. She may not be all you have dreamed her up to be. Either way I wish you luck.

Answer 6

If your dad takes to her then he would probably be happy if you hooked up with her. But asking her out would be messy, instead try to impress her with kindness. Help her out, listen to her once in a while. Show her what a great guy you are, girls go for that, and if you get the chance, show her that you are good with kids as well. Don't show off or act arrogant around her it will turn her off. Try to learn something about her country and culture. obviously if she is a care taker she appreciates acts of kindness and compassion. If she starts to like you it will show, but don't jump the gun unless you are absolutely sure. Then you ask her to dinner when your dad is not around. If this does not work out then it was not meant to be.

Answer 7

Do you get a gut feeling that she may care for you also? whether you do or you don't you could start directing the conversations you have with her to a more personal level. that will be a gauge for you. If things work out that would be wonderful. But, if not don't let that deter from the real reason she is there... and that is to take care of your father who is quite fond of her. it is about your father, he needs care. if she says "no way" it will be an ego buster for you i know but if you accept her answer graciously and maturely that might actually work in your favor. she might, over time, then see the mature and good qualities in you. remember, amorous feelings don't just happen overnight, they happen over time. i always thought that it is good qualities in someone that catches the eye. good luck! i hope this helped alittle.

Answer 8

I don't think it is going to mess everything up just because you invite her to a meal or a cup of tea. You could do it as a gesture of saying thank you to her for taking good care of your dad. As long as you take things slowly, you won't harm anything. Always remember to treat her as a friend first. If the feelings are mutual, then you can always develop a deeper relationship from there. If she doesn't seem to have any romantic feelings, you can always have a friend. Don't rush into anything. It takes time to develop friendship or romance.

Answer 9

You can show your feelings through her by telling her how you really appreciate her taking care of his dad and there's no way you can handle the way she does. Feelings can't lie. You can't let this pass by. You can open a conversation like "how do you like your job? or When do you get your days off maybe I can treat you for dinner? Don't ask her out right away .. get to know her well , what she likes, what Romania look likes, does she like America? Does she like working in America? Or she can teach you to speak Romanian language..whatever.. learn to like romanian food or appreciate a romanian culture. She will like you the way you appreciate Romania. Then ask her to hang out with you. Maybe she can bring you to a Romanian restaurant but of course you'll pay for it..

Answer 10

This is like a plot in a movie. For her it sounds like she, depending on her age, was moved here "by" her mom to get away from what probablywas her special person that got her pregnant which mom didn't approve of. "I'll take you to America where "we" can find a good husband for you to marry and take care of the baby". Yes the American dream. As for you, love hurts sometimes and we all want to live our American dream to get married and raise a family. Speaking of family I think i'de do everything in my power to make sure that my father was as comfortable and well taken care of as possible without throwing a monkey wrench into the mix. Put her into your fantasie thought bank and hands off, you'll be a better man. Love hurts