How do I decline offers of "charity"? - politely?

Question

As a single mother of three boys, I struggled financialy. (widowed) My financial situation changed for much the better two years ago. I did not share this information with co-workers or casual friends. I have not spent money lavishly, investments mostly and a trip to Disney. We are not an extravigant family. How do I turn down offers of hand-me downs, "extra food" from peoples homes, free services offered (home repars, plumbing, air-conditioners). We have all that we need. I do appreciate that people think of us however, I just was given a box of food. There are jars of half eaten dip, opened crackers. To be honest, I will just throw it all away. I just don't know what to say. "Sorry my my net worth is probably more than yours so you might need this more than me." Isn't going to work. So I end up feeling guilty and have a lump in my throat. Funny, I thought all my problems would be gone, not the case. You get a new set of problems. This is just one among others.

Answer 1

Simply state "I'm doing OK now, I think there are other families that might need that more than I do right now. I appreciate your thinking of me."

Answer 2

Well, Terrapinqueen said it better than I would have. Perhaps even with more patience. What ever happens, make sure she's not filling your children's minds with that rubbish. I can respect and appreciate christianity too. They just don't appreciate those who are agnostic or atheist. In fact, I think they might throw gasoline on me and light a match. Some christians scare me as much as the KKK. I would elaborate on that more, but that would take way too long and I'm not trying to give anyone nightmares. Plus, the KKK isn't worth two seconds of anyone's time. The fact that she's a "sweet girl" scares me in terms of remedying the problem. I can almost see the family locking her out, hiding and keeping quiet. LOL. She sounds too innocent to question or open her mind at this point, so I'd just keep an eye on things at home. Make sure she isn't trying to teach your children the bible.

Answer 3

Accept the donated item and just say to the person: "My circumstances have taken a turn for the better but I know of someone who could really benefit from this or if you'd rather give it to someone you know I'll understand but either way I'm sure they will appreciate it as I did when I was down," This way you have established that your circumstances have improved, you've been grateful for the help in the past but no longer need the help, and you're willing to help others.

Answer 4

Sometimes people's best intentions are misguided and insulting. You're not going to be able to convince someone who gives you half eaten food that they are being rude (clearly...they won't get it) so just toss it out.

However, free services and hand me downs are things that people just DO for each other. I believe you may be too defensive about these gifts because you don't want people to think that you NEED it. I mean, you've done well and you are taking care of your family and you are proud of that. Just don't be too proud to appreciate the kind gestures of people who obviously care about you.

If it really bothers you this much, just politely decline the "help". I personally think it's not worth hurting people's feelings. They mean well.

Answer 5

I am delighted for you and your resurrection from the poverty trap and know fully what you are trying to say. The family who gave you the box of food are also to be applauded. However, you must find a way of expressing your thanks to them and probably the best way is to send a bunch of flowers to the mother in the family with a thank you note and an invitation to drop in for coffee. When she arrives, try to explain that you are no longer on the 'line' and that maybe she could find a more worthy family. The problem is that if you don't, and somehow they find out about your new found finances, they will not only be annoyed, but also ashamed and embarrassed...............

Answer 6

People are just being nice although the half eaten food was pretty disgusting. Who knows, some day you may HAVE to take someone up on their offer and if you have everyone scared off they won't even offer any more. Accept the gifts for your boys and be grateful. Especially the home repairs.

Answer 7

Well you are a very strong mother.
You could just say to them,
"thank you very much, I sincerely appreciate the gesture, but there are Children overseas that have NO families, and I think thay might bennifit from this more."
Or you could just smile and take the food and items, and then send them to the third world countries, or start a homeless feeding shelter (not out of your house of course.) turn a bad situatuion into a good one, by passing on the kind gestures to another.
Thats good that in the last couple years you pulled yourself out of a slump. You are a crusader.
God Bless.

Answer 8

I agree with some of the answerers. Instead of just trying to deter the charity, try instead to become a vessel of charity. Things are given to you, and you give those things to others. At least it's better put to use than just throwing it out. However, if they give you half-eaten things... that's not very nice in my opinion. Might be alright for a homeless person but not for a regular citizen... so it's best to throw that stuff out..

But yeah, if others bless you and you feel you're blessed enough to take care of yourself and your family, then you should bless others. You know what it's like to struggle, so instead of throwing everything out, give some.

Answer 9

In the future, politely thank the people for their kind and generous offerings, however you can no longer accept them now that you are "back on your feet". Let them know how much their gifts/donations/services have helped you through a difficult time and how much you appeciate their support.Extend a offer of help to them in which ever way you can if it is ever needed.(monetarily,your time, prayers ect...)
Lastly, you could ask them to bring these items/services to others who are in more need at this time or refer them to a person,church or oganization who would benifit.

Answer 10

You can be honest with people, but vague, and just let them know that you have been wise with your finances and are doing fine. Tell them that tyou appreciate their generosity, but would feel much better if the clothes/food were given to a church benevolence pantry/Goodwill/Salvation Army so that people who are in more need than you will benefit.

Answer 11

Being humble is always great. I think the best way is probably redirect the charity that is given to you. Maybe donate items that are given to you. You can also tell them things are looking brighter lately. You dont have to tell them exactly why, but you can once redirect that charity to someone else.