I've been dating this guy for about 10 months. We spend a lot of time together. but i can't get him to open up to me. he hasn't been in a serious relationship in a few years and his last one he was the one hurt. now i feel like he's affraid to let himself be in that position again. i want to be with him but its hard when he keeps me away emotionally, but wants to spend so much time together. he talks about moving out of town together, but at the same time says he can't be too serious. what should i think about this? is he just affraid and needs more time?
2006-10-11 03:06:27 · 22 answers · asked by katie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Say you need to spend sometime away from him so you can decide what you want. He will either miss you and open up.Or not
2006-10-11 03:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by sunburstpixie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Know what, you answered yourself. He IS scared out of his wits, so afraid of feeling. Think about it, the last time he did, it hurt badly. Don't rush anything, let time tell if you will have a lasting relationship with this guy. He may very well have deep feelings for you, but is waiting to see if you have any of the "signs" that signaled him before in his previous relationship. When he finally is assured that you are not "her", hopefully, he will open up to you. Sounds like he really does care for you. If you can just be patient, maybe he will prove to the be the one for you!! Good luck.
2006-10-11 10:12:34 · answer #2 · answered by janet r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs time to settle into his new phase in life_some people take the time to do so.However,DO NOT make him feel that u are getting distant.If emotional space is what he needs now,give it but try not to show ur disappointment,hurt,or anger when he does.If u sniff that he's only playin with u to dump u(it doesnt seem so,yet if it is so_)deal with that.
But becoz u 2 are in love_u need to be his strenght,his security,his assurance_till he'll be confident of overcomin his block.Dont fret,just work for it,since all relationships need the hard work,communication,commitment and trust bonded by love..
good luck!
2006-10-11 10:15:03 · answer #3 · answered by Victoria C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a term for this and psychologists call it "Distancers and Pursuers". They often refer to it as "The Dance". You move closer, he moves away. You need reassurance, he gets cold feet. I suspect he's on the brink of trying to figure out how to get closer but doesn't know how. If you love him, there is something to be said for backing off. This will cause him to get uncomfortable because right now, I suspect you are doing all the work and he's got you as much as he can tolerate right now. If he's aware of what he is doing and would like to resolve his personal conflicts, then therapy is a good option. He has to acknowledge this however and you cannot make him.
I am in a similar situation with a lady who is the distancer. It drives me nuts. I find when I back off, she gets uncomfortable and then wonders if I am OK. It's hard to back off however. You need to go out and play. Friends help.
2006-10-11 10:15:52 · answer #4 · answered by jahmas001 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the worst thing you can do while in a relationship is think so much
you love him, he loves you what more do you need to know
but yes its a concern right?
ill bet theres more to it, ask him if hes okay once in a while and try to break down what he says odds are he had a tough childhood i would turn to the parents, parents in my books are the #1 cause of depression
but im not saying hes depressed, youve left out alot of details here and theres only so much we can work with
games of 'truth' can help but you dont want to seem too nosy
just let him know that when he wants to talk ( and we all need someone ) that he has you
and make sure when you have relationship problems you say it to his face and dont go to your friends
have you ever confronted him about this issue?
2006-10-11 10:11:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WELL SWEETY I WOULD JUST SAY, DONT FORCE YOURSELF IN, MAYBE TALK ABOUT IT AND IF HE OPEN UP THEN GO FOR IT BUT IF HE ACTS LIKE ITS GOING TO HURT HIM TO LET YOU IN THEN LET HIM KNOW THAT YA LL ARE IN IT TOGETHER AND 10MONTHS IS ALMOST A YEAR THATS A LONG TIME TO BE N A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT START TO GET SERIOUS, DO NT WALK AWAY JUST YET, GIVE HIM A LITTLE MORE TIME TO REALIZE YOUR IN IT TOGETHER, THEN EVENTUALLY HE WILL OPEN UP TO YOU, MAKE SURE YOU SAY AND DO THE RIGHT THINGS SO THAT HE FEEL COMFORTABLE ABOUT YALL RELATIONSHIP! OR IT COULD BE HE DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS WELL START A CONVO AND EXPRESS UR FEELINGS AND THEN HE MAY OPEN UP GOOD LUCK.LOVE...........MIZZ'E'
2006-10-11 10:13:58 · answer #6 · answered by MIZZ'E' 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, why would you even consider moving out of town if you have no commitment? you need to lay it out on the table and find out what he's looking for with you and let him know what you want back. if the two don't match it's time to part ways. put the moving together on a back burner--or better yet, another stove!
2006-10-11 10:11:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like really hard work. Are you up for the commitment? Maybe suggest giving your relationship a break for a while to sort things out.
2006-10-11 10:10:00 · answer #8 · answered by marcus p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, it sound like he is affraid just give some more time. when men truly love they love real hard so when they do get there heart broken it can really be a set back for them, so just give a little more time
2006-10-11 10:10:42 · answer #9 · answered by waynekirsten 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he needs more time, if you olve him, keep on spending time with him, talk to him about issues he likes, and maybe he will open up. Alot of times, men have a wall that takes time to wear down.
2006-10-11 10:09:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋