how can i learn to be more open with my parents without getting yelled at?

Question

my parents always want me to open with them, but when i try to be, i usually get yelled at so i have alot of questions unanswered. that's were yahoo! answers comes in.

Answer 1

I don't know but, it might have alot to do with the way you are talking to your parents. If you have an attitude they will get offened. If you are being defensive they will be as well. Try to talk to them calmly. with logic and understanding. If they get mad don't get mad back just be calm and ask them what you did to make them so angry. Don't be rude or harsh. It takes years to develop a relationship with your parents. Be patient!

Answer 2

The problem mey be your parrents, if it is not you... they must first remember how they were as kids, sort the bad situations from the not so bad ones and then be forgiving - they probably worry about bad influences by your peers, too - first maybe you need to say what you know is bad and you will not do it and stick to your guns not to loose their trust... make a plan if you get into a situation of a bad influence or pressure, you call your parents to get you right away from bad peers - if they see they can trust you and you act in a very mature way, they may eas up - you just have to show them first, that they can trust you.... I guess that is where I would start... the worst you can do is to rebel against their good intentions, they will not trust you and the yelling will continue - what I am trying to say - maybe it will have to be you that will start the slow process of convincing your parents that they do not need to yell, by showing them you are really good kid in real situations and time - not just by words

Answer 3

ok for one - seems you are being open but your folks are yelling.

So they need to learn to STOP reacting to your wordsand truely listen .This is the very hard part of beign a parent , it takes practice and paitents to master this part of paretning.

Children tend to give just enough information From their side of a story and not enough information o nthe whole story to give a good veiw of the over al lpicture . SO Parents tend to tr yto fill i ngaps with their own experiences and this leads ot a communication meltdown.

You need ot give details so parents have a good view of issue and try to keep it level headed .Hard but if you show you are calm this shoukd calm down parents.
Parents need to ask the questions and BE PREPARED for the answers even if they do not like them ( this is the hard part for parents ) As your children grow older they will start making choices without consulting parents . This will provoking yelling and fights betwen child/ parent ... so Parents need to spend more time showing their children how to make wiser choices , but in todays world this is always placed on back burners and thats why yelling will mostly win out.

I would start showing parents how mature you are and keep a level calm head while speaking with them and when they start yelling , look them in the eye and say please can we talk about this and not yell ? Remind them it was their idea for you to COME TALK TO THEM about issues and you are and if the yelling continues you will be forces to stop coming to them for guidance.

Thas cold hard mack should wake them out of their yelling fits ! LOL

Answer 4

I know how you feel. I am a mom and I want my daughter to be open with me. I know it is tough being a teen. (Yes, I remember that far back). I often put myself in her position before I judge her. As a parent it is very hard to know what to do. Children don't come with instruction books, unfortunately. It is hard not to yell or preach when you KNOW your child is doing something wrong. We only want to protect you and keep you safe.

Try sitting down with them and talking about it. Do this at a time when everyone is calm and in a descent mood. Try saying, "I want to be close to you and open about my problems, but you tend to yell at me when I do. If you want me to be more open, we need to come up with a plan where you help me not yell and make me feel bad."
Some things that teens say now, catch us off guard and we don't know what to do, so yelling comes naturally.
I hope this helped alittle and good luck with it. Don't give up on them. They LOVE you and only want the best for you.

Answer 5

I've been waiting about 20 years for my Mom to stop yelling at me... she's gotten better. She's actually my best friend, but we've had some rough patches. My Dad's always been cool as a cucumber on ice. Try to approach them smoothly during quiet times. When they fuss, let them know that you'd understand just as well if they spoke it and not screamed it. That makes a parent stop and think. Hope things work out better. Thank Goodness for Answers, right!!?? Right!

Answer 6

The only way I can see you getting around this is by talking to 1 parent. Daughters need to establish a good relationship with their mothers to show that they are developing into intelligent women. Then your mother should respond to your request for help with answers to your questions, you never know it might answer a few questions for your mother as well. This might take time but also consider that sometimes dad doesn't need to know!!

Answer 7

you need to come right out and tell your parents, (you want me to be more open with you, but when I do you yell. How can I talk to you without you yelling at me?)

Answer 8

Hi. I understand ur situation. When i was in my teenage, i lost my temper easily & would rather share all my problems with all my so-call good buddies. And once i was caught by the police, when my friend passed me some illegal items. None of my friends come to rescue me yet they are the 1st i called but only my parents they are there for me. As time flies, i left all my friends and try to spend more time with my family. At 1st realy hard to communicate w them, but aft many mths they tense to understand us.

Answer 9

You have to tell them directly that if they want you to be open, they have to hold back and not yell at you. Remind them gently when they do. Say, "see you're yelling at me again. I am going to walk away if you keep yelling".

I know sometimes I have that bad habit too...I'm not yelling at my kids but more I am reacting in anger at some of the things they have told me...not that I am angry at them either but at what they have told me has happened to them at school. There's a lot of bullying in this neighbourhood and it's frustrating when you're trying to raise your kids up to be good people and then you have all these dickheads who try and make life miserable for them. So I have to watch myself and hold back.

So perhaps your parents are doing the same...where they are not really angry at you but at the situation. Still remind them not to yell. It's frustrating for parents and they have a hectic life too you know! :~) They love you or they wouldn't be so upset. Just know that much.

You know, Sleek brought out something too...in my family it's always me that has the talks and does the discipline etc.

My husband is always off the the sidelines oblivious to everything. It's only when I start yelling at him and tell him to get his *** in here and help that he does anything.

So realize that sometimes moms yell because they are doing the job of two, and feel they have to, to be taken seriously. Believe me, I'd rather be listened to and have a calm life than feel I have to get the whip out to maintain some type of discipline and control when everyone is "getting into it" and not getting along, etc.

And Mike's Chick, you are so right too. My daughter is in high school now and is "all attitude". I can't stand it when she approaches me with that chip on her shoulder or takes out the day's problem on me, etc. It's all part of growing up and I know it's hard during these formative years, but still, everyone is human, parents included. It's tough trying to be a friend and a mom at the same time. I always praise my daughter for the things she does. I always advise her to take her problems at school to the guidance counsellors and talk to the teachers etc. too. They have a responsibility to make sure that kids aren't harrassed or bullyed etc. at school, and if someone is bugging her in class and disrupting her studies, she just asks to be moved. When people hurt her, it hurts me too, but I try to let her see that it's not her that is the problem but them (when that's the case) and that she should just chalk it up to another of life's experiences. They're not all going to be smooth but I want her to be able to bounce back without too much damage, rather than dwell on it and be hurt by it. Life is full of disappointments and hardships. It's how we overcome them and move on that matters.

Answer 10

If your parents don't want to be open, then you can only try; hopefully things will get better as you mature into your 20s and they have no choice but to accept your opinions and decisions as an adult.