what lengths would you go to to protect your daughter and grandson from her violent partner?

Answer 1

Whatever it takes to make them safe. I would have sniffed him out before now...........

Answer 2

The best thing you can do for your daughter and grandson is to be there for them no matter what. Be there to support her and to boost her confidence. Reasure her that you will always love and support her. Make sure that the right people know about the situation. If you think that your grandson is in danger and your daughter cannot protect him, then either call the police and/or Social Services. Until she is ready, she will not leave him. Thats what violent partners do to the victims. On a practical note, you could make sure that she has an emergency plan in place i.e. keeping money, spare clothes etc at someones house, making sure that she has emergency numbers somewhere safe. You could also ensure that there is a police marker on the house, so that if she needs to ring them, they will ensure that they are there withing miniutes.

Answer 3

I think if it was me, I'd go round to their house and tell them that you know about the violence and if your daughter wants to put up with that then that's fine but under no circumstances are you going to watch your grandson be a victim in their behaviour. I know my mum told my brother in law if he ever laid another finger on my sister she'd 'have him' and they didn't have any children.

I myself went to my brother-in-law's house and told him and his partner that i had just phoned social services regarding their violence and alcohol problems as their three children should not have to witness it. I also telephoned them while i was there to make sure that they were going to come to the house so that i could wait for their arrival. I was not the most popular person in the family after that but I didn't care so long as the children were safe.

Good luck whatever you decide to do, but please try to protect your grandson. Your daughter may be goading her partner into being violent (although you may not want to believe this), maybe not and he is just violent anyway, and she is scared. Let her know that she can always come and stay with you to escape this violent person.

Answer 4

Have your daughter over and sit at the kitchen table with her. Tell her you love her and you are sorry she is unhappy and that you will be there for her. Remind her of all the things you love and admire about her. Tell her you want to give her some options.

Tell her that she can go to social services and apply for housing subsidies, daycare subsidies, and WIC. State health insurance,too.

She can file for child support for her son. Legally she can do this even if they still live together. She can establish visitation, or the lack thereof at this time, also. This paperwork does not require a lawyer. Just fill out the form, submit it and they will notify you of the court date, where she also does not need a lawyer. Just be honest in the paperwork. Child support is retroactive to the day you file, so the sooner the better, whether he works or not. Filing for support is an action taken For the child, not Against a parent. Make this clear.

Tell her she can go to Your State Department of Labor and check out the job listings to see what jobs she qualifies for. Give her the tools that gain her her independence. Remind her that she puts her son at risk. Ask her to ask her neighbors to report any violence immediately to the police if only for the baby's sake. Have her put you on speed dial in case she needs you to call for help. Tell her you will be there for her.

This is her decision. Once you've given her the tools, you need to remove yourself from the situation.

However, if you feel the child is at risk you can go to social services and request intervention. This also is something you do For the child, not Against the parent.

If she decides to start taking steps toward independence, she may want a restraining order. All she has to do is file.


When you speak to your child do speak with respect. Respond to what she has to say. Do not react. Take a breath, think about what it is that you want to say, and say it calmly and respectfully. Respond, not react. As if she was your best friend. Now is not the time to set her against you. Leave judgements and criticisms for when she is in a safe place again. Aim for the end result: her and the baby's immediate physical safety.

Answer 5

A HELL OF A LOT if it was to protect my blood ! Sticky situation to be in . Do they want help ? If not, it will be hard but stick to it. The daughter can make choices but the grandson can't. He needs help before it gets worse. If he stays around the abuse to long he will begin to think it's the norm.That that's the way women are to be treated. THEY ARE NOT !!!


Talk to your daughter. If she doesn't want help then you can't do much for her except be there when needed. Try not to judge. But the grandson needs an intervention. He can't help himself. If your daughter gets angry for you stepping in , so be it. But you need to address the grandson.

Answer 6

I would firstly take my gran child with me and tell my daughter she can risk being hurt herself but not my gran child. I have two gran children a boy and a girl ages 3 and 4 i would move heaven and earth to protect them so no man no matter how big or violent he was would get away with hurting my family. My Daughter is a very sensible and protective mother so i know she would never put up with a violent man she currently has a boyfriend and i know one wrong word to her children he would be out the door never to be seen again. so really its up to the individual to look at what is most important to them and act on it.

Answer 7

Get police and solicitors involved you can get injunction orders with power of arrest,get your daughter away from this man,she can go into a woman's refuge ,(your local council offices will have contact details)where for the time being she will be safe and he will not be able to get to her.If necessary move away and don't tell him where ,I moved 250 miles away from my home town because of a violent man,and it was the best move I made,now 10 years on I'm a stronger woman and i have moved back to the area where my ex still lives and I can now face up to him and its him who avoids me at all cost.Good can come out of this but you have to be strong together and you can beat him,violent men are also weak men.

Answer 8

I never told my mum my husband was violent to me and my two kids as i was so scared
She should go to the womans refuge or the police have sypathy for domestic violence but i expect your daughter will put up with the violence out of fear
my x husband liked taking cocaine especially at Chelsea football matches home and away and always came home aggressive
Eventually he left and now lives in Thailand with the other Chelsea headhunters

Answer 9

There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect my children but we have to remember when they become adults they have the right to live however they want and all we can do is be there when they need us........always keep the lines of communication open with her and let her know how much you love her and what she means to you. The grandson is a different story. Your daughter is an adult knows what is going on and still stays on her own choice, the baby is innocent in all of it and didn't ask for it. You have to be his voice here and look out for him. If you ever see a bruise or any signs of abuse and neglect then you have to go to child protective services and let them document it even if it means they take him away from his mother. We went through this with my sister and her two little girls and one day my sisters bf threw my 6 year old neice through a wall when she tried to get a phone to call me. When I got there my neices was bleeding and the punk had my sister out on the porch beating the crap out of her thankfully this time I called the cops before I got there and they arrived right behind me. He went to jail and my neices were placed with me until their father could make other arrangements and get off the road and be a father to them. 3 weeks later my sister dropped charges and her bf got out o jail but the girls were living with their dad and step mom by then. They grew up happy, healthy bright kids while my sister lived her life for an abusive jerk. Finally after 8 years he hit her one to mny times and she called mom begging her to help so we made the drive to her new state paxked her up and brough her home, it wasn't easy she had went through a lot and even with 800 miles seperarting them he threatened and controlled her till finally we got her to see what she was missing. Now she is with a wonderful man that loves her with all he's got, and is rebuilding the relationship she missed out on with her kids. What I am trying to say in my ramblings is you can fight it and all it is going to do is make him mor special to her, for some reason she is accepting to this. As hard as it is you have to focus on the baby and his safety even if it means allienating her for awhile because eventually she will see the whole picture and break away and you want him to be there alive and happy when she does, so she doesn't have to come around and realze that by her actions she killed her son. Good Luck and God Bless a lot of grandparents wouldn't even worry about it.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for what sounds like an awful situation. Your heart must be breaking. Your daughter has chosen this and you can try to get her to take charge of her life and break free....if she wants to. Your precious grandson did not choose this, but it sounds like this is not his father. Ask to take him for a while while she sorts out her personal life. Thank you for being a caring grandma and your role is important to the life of one little guy.

Answer 11

bar locking them in a box until she says she wont go back to him,there is little you can really do,,what keeps her there is her state of mind,,to successfully leave and stay left she has to break the cycle of abuse she is used to taking from him and for this to happen she needs support,trust,and the knowledge that there is a roof and a couple of beds with their names on them when the time has come for her to move on,,if she is cajoled into leaving before she is mentally ready ,she WILL go back,,she thinks she needs him and that is what he has planned all along,,scaring her into thinking she cannot possibly cope and move on without him and even if she does leave,he will find her,,she has to reach a point where fear means less than the rewards of getting her and her son out of the relationship,,dont give up but dont badger her either,,she wont come to you for help if all you do is judge her,,understand,sympathise and help her if she asks,,it is all you can do,,,,,you could report him if your grandson is in danger but she wont thank you for that either,,she may just suffer the consequences ,,if he is safe,,leave alone for the time being