My parents dislike my new boyfriend who I have been dating for four months now because he is 25 with two kids and I am 18. They have asked me to quit seeing him but I still see him anyways. This has really upset them and they have taken my car and my phone away. Now they are telling me i need to choose him or my family. In another words if I choose him i must move out of the house. I dont have a job because I am currently a full time college student and I also cheer for my university. So now Im stuck with making this life decision. I really love my boyfriend and I dont see how we couldnt be any more perfect for each other. He doesnt push his kids on me and he said I could stay with him but i dont know if my parents will still pay for my school. Im so confused, please help!!
2006-10-11 00:10:03 · 24 answers · asked by cbkl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Oh..so u r on Shopping there........
Plaese bring me some DIET COKE........
What do u mean by "CHOOSING" family or new boyfriend ?
Are u telling me that He is ready to allow u "to live" with him & Not ready to Pay ur College Fees....................????????
OR................
You want to live with ur Parents coz, they are paying ur College Fees?
2006-10-11 00:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by Peter_Jackson_Fan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't your parents like this man? He is a little older than you, though. Just sit down, the four of you, and try to work this out. I can understand their point of view and I can understand yours too. I am sure that your parents are just concerned because he is older than you, you are still in college, which they are paying for, and the fact that he has children. This is a tough situation to be in. You need to be sure that you really love him before you do anything that you may regret later on. My granddaughter is 20, she is in her third year of college, and she has a boyfriend. However, she lives at home because she wants to finish her education and become a teacher. We are pleased with her decision. She spends a lot of time with him, and she also has a job. This is the best solution for her. You could give this some thought. I know it is hard when you really care for someone, but you need to look at both sides of the coin, so to speak. What you decide will have a lasting impact on your future so choose wisely. Your parents will never let you down because they love you, and they would like to see you finish your education. I myself think that you should live home and if you want to see this man, I would certainly talk to your parents about it. The best thing is for the four of you to get together and try to talk this out. You are still very young, and you have your whole life ahead of you. I would think that if this person loves you, as you say he does, that he would want to see you finish your education and will wait for you. Good luck to you.
2006-10-11 01:31:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep, you have a huge decision to make! You must think about your future. I personally would stay in school and worry about relationships later. If this guy loves you, he will understand that you cannot spend so much time with him. I am not understanding why your parents don't like him unless it has to do with the age and the children. You have the rest of your life to fall in love and start being a family. During these crucial years, your education should come first. You need to learn to be self supportive before you really get involved with anyone. If something happens to that person or it does not work out, you always have your education to fall back on. Good luck!
2006-10-11 00:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I cannot believe you are actually asking this question!Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe your parents want you to be happy and they dont want you to give up everything for a guy that has two kids(Which you are most probably going to have to raise). They are worried about YOUR well-being!Look, Im not judging this guy, he must be great if you love him, but you have only known him for 4 months!!!Your family is worried about what could happen if your relationship with this guy goes further. Imagine what must be going on in their heads? Love can make people do strange and absurd things. What if you fall for him so hard, that you start listening to his every command? What if he asks you to leave college and raise his kids?What if he wants you to be a stay at home mom and then after a few years leaves you high and dry?I'm not saying you will do this, but love can make some people give up everything.You are so inlove with him already and now you are already thinking of giving things up for him, like asking if you should choose between your FAMILY(Who has loved and raised you since birth) and a guy you have been dating for 4 months?I think you know my answer to this.Blood is thicker than water.
2006-10-11 00:20:40 · answer #4 · answered by Jade22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the deal, hon. Your parents still view you as their little girl. You have to teach your parents about the person you are becoming.
When you speak to your family, speak to them with respect. Respond to what they say. Do not react. Take a breath, think about what you want to say, and say it respectfully and calmly. Respond, don't react. Speak to them as if they were your best friend. This teaches people respect.
People process visual input first. Do you dress like a little kid, or are you dressing like a young adult?
Indicate to your parents that you can make a responsible decision. Be where you say you are going to be, be home when you say you are going to be home, have the homework done and turned in, maintain your living environment without reminders or prompts. Show them the person you are becoming.
You probably won't be home much longer, dear. Think about the memories you want to leave this family with when you walk out that front door for the last time. You have the gift of time and foresight. How do you want them to remember this time?
Something not entirely irrelevant: Your parents are afraid this young man is riding on their college tuition and your hard work. Take a look at this young man. Is he someone respected by the local folks? Is he capable of making responsible decisions? Is he a good father? What steps has he made toward his own independence? Who is dying here? What would it hurt to put romance on hold and just let him be your best friend for now?
Long term relationships are based on friendship. From this friendship respect and trust are born. The "in love" feeling ebbs and flows. But the friendship is the part that binds.
Learn to make responsible decisions. Teach your parents about the young adult you are becoming. Take this gift of college and be free, adult, and single for awhile. It's supposed to be fun. Give them time to acknowledge you as an adult. Teachers are kind, and gentle, and firm in their resolve. Be the Teacher.
2006-10-11 02:45:08 · answer #5 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean he 'doesn't push his kids on me'? He has kids? Oh they'll get pushed on you- are you ready to be a step mom like figure at 18? I doubt it. And your 'new' boyfriend - you 'love' him? Give it a rest. You don't know what love even is. Trust me. I was 18 once, I thought I knew what love was.
Love is your parents terrififed you're going to eff up your life by getting involved with a man not on your level. Love is your mom lying in bed scared to death you're going to quit school or get pregnant by this guy.
Leave him, it's not that big a life decision. If you'd been dating for 5 years maybe but a new boyfriend - no way.
Best of luck - these decisions suck, but don't let a man ruin your life now.
2006-10-11 00:20:09 · answer #6 · answered by empress_pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent I wouldn't trust a guy his age with TWO kids especially if he's dating a 18 yr old. To me this SCREAMS ..this guy has a major malfunction. !. What happened to his previous relationship?(find some other sources besides him). 2. Why is a 25 yr guy interested in a 18 yr old girl( no offense)? 3. What does he really want from you? Yep I'm a cynical kind of guy. Your parents are just looking out for you. Over reacting? Sure they are. Pushes you right into his arms doesn't it? Remember love/lust is completely blind and hindsight is 20/20. So try to find the in-between spot to figure it out.
2006-10-11 00:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah...that's mature! Just because you are legally an adult doesn't mean you are adult enough to handle decisions. I imagine, thats why you are asking us. Look! Family is forever! Men will come and go. You think he is what you want, but really you don't need to lose your family over it. He isn't worth it. No one is.
This is hardly a life decision... gee 18 and you want a man with 2 kids... don't think you are equipped with the necessary tools to do that. You may think you are, but I assure you.... it will end in disaster because sooner or later you will resent having lost your youth...
My advice...since you asked.... keep the family, enjoy life for a while. And later you'll meet Mr Right! So dump the guy!
2006-10-11 00:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by westfield47130 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like a pretty tight situation.. but every problem has a solution. Stay with ur parents for the time being, sneak out at nite to meet ur boyfriend in the woods (or where ever.), make sure ur parents don't even hve a hint bout it, complete whatever u'r struggling with in college in a few years time, and before u know it, u'll b FREE. So if u follow dis, u hve ur parents to pay fo ur college, ur boyfriend to stick around and maybe a job (perhaps at home) after completing college. Think bout it n tell me if u'll do dis
2006-10-11 01:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think you can handle taking care of his two kids? Can you live without your car, phone, college life? How many good jobs can you get at 18? You can't expect your boyfriend to provide for you and his kids....you need to work too. If you know in your heart you can do all these for love then go ahead. If not, listen to your parents...They just don't want you to throw your life away.
2006-10-11 00:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by zac8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know you probably think this guy is the love of your life and maybe he will turn out to be but you're 18 yrs old, going to college and cheering....sounds like alot of fun. Have you thought of what you're life will be like with 2 children to take care of and also having to deal with his ex...the mother of his children?She iwll always be part of his life because of the children and the children will always come first to him...as they should. Your family will be there for you always...will he? He comes with a package deal and you need to think about your future and what you want your life to be like. 4 months isn't a very long time to be with someone to make a life decision. You're parents are just worried about your future and want you to be able to enjoy being young & living a great college life.If you leave your family you need to be prepared to take care of yourself & live on your own.
2006-10-11 06:23:42 · answer #11 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋