Terrible Threes !!?

Question

Is anyone having trouble with their toddler ? He was angel
but now he is cross all the time ! The naughty step does not work for him and his big brother keeps winding him up. I am living in a war zone . Please help !!

Answer 1

oh my! do i understand this!!!! i'm living it. we use 'time out' which is pretty much the same as naughty step, but we introduced at 2 and a half a special chart. when we go shopping, if she sees something she really really wants (within reason) we buy it as the next reward. she has to get 10 stickers on chart (we made it ourselves on a big piece of colourful card from her magazines - dora, postman pat, disney princesses etc so she really loves it) to get the treat. we take them off for not so nice behaviour. perhaps this would work with both boys (separate charts) esp if one child is getting more prizes, it would encourage the other. i think by 3 they are more encouraged by what they can gain, rather than time out. just little warnings is all thats needed: 'only two more stickers, do you want me to take one off for this behaviour?' or 'you're only half way on your chart, if you're really good for mummy shopping we can go home and put another sticker on'. its positive reinforcement rather than confrontational, which mine just loves to argue with! she is nuts! but still lovely...

Answer 2

Three IS terrible, have you forgotten? Four is lovely, and five is cute, and then they're in school half the time, so it doesn't really matter until their teens, when they will become REALLY awful, and then they leave. Ta da.
The only thing to settle a three-year-old is firmness. They are testing the limits they learned as twos (me/you, here/there, yes/no, good/bad, mine/maybe-not-mine, etc.). Get the older brother to back off, and tell the three-year-old he is being a bully (when he is) and find a more advanced punishment than the "naughty step" ... perhaps the "naughty room", or if that fails, the "naught slap on the rump".
It'll pass. Get a good set of earplugs.

Answer 3

Oh, thank goodness! It's not just me.

My daughter has been an absolute angel until now, you couldn't ask for a more loving, better behaved child. She's not quite three yet, but for the past couple of weeks her behaviour has totally changed - tantrums, back-chat, running off in public places, refusing to do as I ask, doing things she knows she's not supposed to (dangerous things like playing with sockets and switches) and all sorts.

We've not had any changes in our lives recently (no moves, no separations, no new babies or news of new babies) so i don't know where it's come from. All I can do is to tell myself it's just a stage...

Have you tried putting the big brother in time-out for winding the little one up?

Answer 4

Your son is expressing his independence, and he's taking you all down with him.You have nothing to worry about. Up until he started acting out, he was a baby.. and had no need to be independant from you. He was given everything he needed, and what he needed, he got. Now, he's growing up, and he's decided that he doesn't want people doing things. He's testing the limits, he's asserting his independence.. and it's going to be tough on everyone. A child's only way to tell people that he's ' a big boy' is to act out. He's only 3.. so he doesn't have the words to say these things.. the only thing he has is his behavior.

Make sure that you have clearly stated limits, and repeat them. Don't sweat the small stuff...

Some experts recommend making 'baskets'. It's not real baskets, just imaginary one, but it goes like this..

Basket A - Things that just don't matter - Is he repeating what you say, is he crying because he can't have something, is he playing with something noisy? These things just don't matter. You should just leave him alone, and let him do what he's going to do. Disciplining for things that just don't matter in the long run is going to make things harder on everyone.

Basket B - Things that you don't want him to do, but isn't going to hurt anyone - is he jumping on the bed, playing with pots and pans, yelling while he's having fun? Let him know that there are times and places for certain things.. But basically.. let the kid be a kid.. you'd want to jump on the bed if you could.. so let him.

Basket C - Things that are NON-negotiable - is he trying to run on the road, playing with knives, touching heaters? Those things are NO-NO's and they should NEVER be negotiated. He should have clear boundaries of the things that are always off limits. And you should never waver on them. Think of the things that he will NEVER be allowed to do, and make sure he knows ( even if you have to tell him 300 times) that he is not, and will never be able to do those things.

If his running wild is just annoying you.. let it alone. If he's hurting himself or others, make sure that he knows the things that are hurting people are off limits. All kids go a little wild.. what makes it a fun time, or a horrible time is how their parents choose to deal with it.

Answer 5

Terrible Threes, Furious Fours, Ferocious Fives, Screaming Sixes, Suffering Sevens, Ear~breaking Eights, Naughty Nines, Torturous Tens, Everlasting Elevens .... this is where I'm upto LOL.

I have 3 kids, and the eldest winds the youngest up terribly and it always ending to screaming matches, things getting thrown and tears!

You could start trying the sending to the room, put him in his room for 5 minutes, hold the door so he can't get out, and after 5 minnutes open the door and explain to him why he was sent to his room etc.

Good luck, I feel for you on this one.

Answer 6

Sometimes I wish there was an easier quide to helping others with parenting... I have 3 children of my own and at times I wonder how I make it from day to day. My oldest son is 11 and then a daughter of 5 and thereafter another son of 3. Both boys are ADD.
There is no definate solution to sibling rivalry. Its something that we have to work around. I went through pulling my hair out and now I have used the method of negotiation. Kids believe it or not, even at the age of 3 are very good manipulators, yet they are easily swayed through negotiation. Tell you what? Why dont you give the oldest an incentive. Take him on his own and give him a good reason to not wind the little one up. Maybe extra pocket money or even some extra helping on the quiet of pudding. I know that it sounds drastic but believe me, we have to use drastic messures in keeping the peace.

There is no way that you're going to change the children to help your own feelings of sanity. Basically you have to conform. Relax. Who cares what the neighbours think. Ignore the comments from relatives. If you stress over sibling rivalry, you're going to land yourself of a serious course of anti-depressants. Breathe in and out, smile, and speak quietly. Funny enough its something that children take to. But make sure when you talk, speak directly to the child in question by having eye contact.

:) I know, us mothers need a sanity support group. lol like sponsors that we can phone to prevent ourselves from loosing it.

Answer 7

Yeah I thought terrible 2's were bad but the threes have got them beat. My 3 year old doesn't listen and cries most of the time now. I have no idea why either. He is a really sweet child but here lately I'm beginning to wonder what im doing wrong. Good Luck.

Answer 8

You would be better of logging onto a site where there are loads of people in the same situation as yourself.

There is also a panel of experts as well as a panel of parents.

You have to register before you can post. It is free to register and the site sends you a newsletter now and again.

It is called Raising Kids and was started by a Dr Pat Spungin.

Have a look at the home page and see what you think.

http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/homepages/homepage_default.asp

Answer 9

I know it's tough but try a chair instead. If the oldest is wiring the youngest up have a separate chair in the same room on oppisite sides. When they are both being unbearable, TIME OUT FOR BOTH. Soon they'll get the hint that not playing nicely will only mean trouble for the both of them. It worked for mine.

Answer 10

wow theres someone out there going through the same thing the naughty step doesnt work for my daughter either i find the hardest thing with her is getting her to get dressed or ready for bed or to eat ha ha but what i usually do is try and make a game out of it and believe me i know sometimes thats the last thing you want to do me and my husband usually pretend we are going to eat her dinner she finds it fun and always wants to eat it befor we get it we do the same with getting her dressed as for his big brother i think thats going to happen any way try not to get frustrated as they seem to like that and usualy see how far they can push you good luck i will be thinking of you .