Am i a bad mummy ????

Question

I am 24 and I had my little girl in June 2005. I adore her and every minuet i spend with her. I went back to work part time in January then left the company to stay at home and childmind 2 other little girls in May.

I am still with the father and we own our own home. BUT it is in a council estate. He works and we have never lived of benefits i have always worked for my money.

I am desperate to get out of this area and really want to move so my daughter can go to a good school and be brought up in a nicer area. So with lettle time to actually get moved the only way i can do this is to go back to work FULL TIME.......

Will i be letting my daughter down ?

if i get the job i have gone for i will be doing shift work 6-2 one week and 3.30 - 12 the other.

I am so worried that people are going to brand me a bad mum for doing this but i am only doing this for her future and to give her the best possible start in life...

PLEASE someone tell me i am doing the right thing ???

Answer 1

BOY !!! YOU'RE IN A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE !!!
SIT DOWN BOTH OF YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE AND DISCUSS THIS IN DEPTH~ BUT REMEMBER YOUR DECISION SHOULD BE BASED ON YOUR CHILD BEING 1ST PRIORITY AND FOR EVERYTHING TO BENEFIT HER !!!

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!!

Answer 2

Trying to improve your family and their situation does not make you a bad mum. On the contrary it makes you a responsible one. Perhaps if you don't like the idea of full time work your husband could get extra work too after all it is to improve every ones situation. If not just remember that what you put into this life you get out and so a good education is vital for any child. Your children will be better adults in the long run and will follow your example. Don't worry about what other people think, just do what your heart tells you is right at the time. Many years ago I was a single mum with a small child, struggled on benefits to make ends meet, but my daughter never suffered. She is now a happily married mum herself and is a very responsible adult so not all kids from poor areas end up bad....it's your influence that is key. Good luck for the future.

Answer 3

Hi, I know exactly how you feel, I am a single mum and I work full time as a nurse so it is shift work, I actually do three thirteen hour shifts a week, because my mum looks after her and I can only work on her days off. Its a terrible feeling and you feel like you are neglecting her but I would feel worse staying at home and living off benefits. I firmly believe that we need to set an example to our children and show them that if you want the nice things in life you have to be prepared to work for them and not expect them to be handed to you on a plate.
I actually think that you are a brilliant mother who is very selfless, you are putting your daughters needs before your own, of course you would like to be a home with her all day, but in the real world not many of us can afford to do this, so you are insuring a better standard of living for your family by making this sacrifice. I don't think it will harm your daughter and in my opinion you are making the right decision.
Good luck, and don't worry about what other people think you are doing a great job

Answer 4

Theres only you who can answer this. I know what you mean about areas though, We bought our own house on a council estate, but I couldn't settle, because everytime I told someone my address I felt that they had already made a decision on me. I eventually moved away from there and I'm now much happier. As for working, when my children were little, I worked part-time and I felt guilty every day I went to work. I actually took two years out to try other jobs and go back to college which was great, but the financial pressures were too much so I went back to work. I work part-time again now and love it, but still feel guilty...I only work 3 days a week, and I have requested to work Sundays every week as my ex has the children that day. I think working full time would be too much for me because the shifts I work are 7.10-15.10 and 13.40-21.40 mixed and I don't drive. I think you have got to really think about whats most important to your little girl. Having a mother who can spend so much time with her and has a huge influence on how she is bought up, or working full time and relying on nurseries and child minders to take over the care of your child. If children want to learn they will do it whatever school you choose. I think being there for your child would have a greater effect on her future than the immediate area you live.

Answer 5

Hi,
I do not think you are a bad mom for wanting this. I do wonder however if you are not putting yourself in a very difficult situation. I have 3 children and noticed that its not the house, the area or so where they live. They need a lot of love and attention. We have lived in not so good areas and good areas. None of it really mattered. What mattered was that I was there to help them when things got rough.
We have taken them to a school somewhat futher away, because we wanted to have a good school.
In the end we took them out of school, as school in general wasn't what worked for my oldest, but that is a completely different story.
What I think you should do is try to look into yourself and feel if this is right for you. Nobody else can determine what is right for you and your family. If you and your daughter feel good about you doing those shifts and you can be there for her when she needs you, go for it. When you are not sure and are wondering if you can handle it. Think a bit longer. It also depends on how much time your partner can spend with you and your daughter. She will need him just as much.
Does this make any sense to you?

Answer 6

you have to workout what is best for you. I don't hold with mothers working, if they don't have too, i believe that you should be at home looking after your children, you had them. Not all children are gonna turn out bad if they come from a council estate, we live in a pretty rotten area, it is filled with drink, drugs and pregnant teenagers. But all of my kids are turning out pretty good. Not one has ever been in trouble with the police, no bad behaviour at school, no truancy, they work hard, play together well. My oldest is in army cadets and loves it. His friends are all drinking, and with some of them both parents work. My children know that when they come in through the door, i will be there to listen to any problems. We own our home, we haven't had a holiday in 12yrs, we just can't afford it, but money is not important to us. Husband earns enough for us to live on, we are poor but happy. Kids have learnt that what they want is not always what they need. It was the way i was brought up. I hope you find your answer, talk to hubby, family and do what is best for your child. And remember that no matter where you live these-days,( there are problems on private estates. )Your child is gonna love you no matter what.

Answer 7

You are absolutely doing the right thing.

My mom was a single mother, she worked from home but was basically in her office morning til night, sometimes even on weekends, all to pay for our lovely house, private school education, dance classes, etc. We had nice family dinners every night and good quality time when she wasn't working- she made a real effort with this- good family time is about quality, not quantity.

I've never held a grudge to my mother for not being there all the time. She wanted us to live somewhere nice, get good educations and pursue all our dreams. She didn't want to work all those hours, she hated her job- she only did it for us. I had a great upbringing and I have never doubted her dedication to us, I have nothing but respect for her.

I am sure if you do this your little girl will grow up feeling the same way. Besides, when you're working nights your partner will be there for her, and it's always important for a little girl to build a good relationship with her father!

Answer 8

No you're not a bad mother at all. As long as you spend quality time with your children as and when you can, which obviously you do as you love them dearly. You can achieve a happy family and a happy career by going back to work, there'll be no sacrificing anything really if you think about it. Can i just state tho that i disagree with elie29 whoever, that just because you live on a council estate doesn't mean you child will grow up like the other children, kids usually take after their parents and not other children......Whats in the cat is in the kitten!! so they.

Answer 9

Being a mum is so hard, its a full time guilt job.

If you stay home with the kids you end up feeling guilty because of the lack of your income.
If you go back to work, then you feel guilty for not being with the children, honestly its a no win situation.

No one can ever say you are a bad mum for wanting to provide for your kids, and give them the best life you can.

Do whats best for you and your situation, don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

You are a good mum and you're doing the right thing!!

Good luck!.

Answer 10

Why in the heck would you care what other people think of you? Will any of them, aside from family, still be in your life 20 years from now?

Do what you need to do for your daughter, I think every mother out there knows whats going through your head right now, and would say go for it! There's nothing wrong with trying to provide the best that you can for your child, isn't that what we all want? As long as you don't get caught up in the providing, spend some quality time with your family as much as your schedules will allow, and don't sweat the small stuff, you'll be fine.

Remember, dusting and vacuuming will still be there tomorrow, but the time you could spend with your daughter might not be. They grow up so fast, take the time and enjoy life with your family when you can get it.

Answer 11

I admire you. There are so many mums your age that have a child so they dont have to work and live of the state.

If you go back to work full time you are providing a better life for your daughter now not just her future. You can move to a nicer area and all have a better life.

Well done and good luck with getting the job ;)