I'm just curious what you all think. See, I'm pretty blunt because I don't see the point in wasting any guy's time if sex is a requirement for a relationship with him. Usually I tell them straight away, it's only fair right? But some of my friends tell me that I shouldn't. The 2 main reasons they give me are: if you tell them that, they might get turned off immediately and won't give you a chance OR a lot of my guy friends say that it'll just make some guys see me as a challenge and pursue me even more, with all the wrong intentions.
Any thoughts on this? I still think that being straight forward is the best approach, why waste my time or theirs, right? Help me out. Thanks :)
2006-10-10 22:15:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
BTW, I'm not interested in anyone in particular. I'm just asking for future reference. Thanks :)
2006-10-10 22:23:07 · update #1
Colin K- When I say I'm "blunt" about it, it doesn't necessarily mean "rude". I don't feel that I'm self-righteous about it... to each his own, you know? I just want to be honest about my feelings, so as not to waste his time or mine.
2006-10-10 22:25:45 · update #2
rose- Thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad to hear things are working out between you and your boyfriend. Sounds like you may have found yourself a keeper, huh :) May I be so lucky :) Cheers to you too, sweetie!
2006-10-10 22:28:18 · update #3
Matt WS- You seem like a great guy. Why can't I run into someone like you :) I agree, not all men are just looking for sex. Good bless!
2006-10-10 22:31:04 · update #4
deepwater- Don't worry, I would never comprimise my beliefs. Thanks for the encouragement.
2006-10-10 22:34:29 · update #5
Monzi- I will :) Thanks so much for your answer!
2006-10-10 22:42:44 · update #6
Well, I wouldn't put it off too long either. However, you could work it into the conversation when the subject comes up. When you feel that the guy is starting to expect you to jump into bed then bring up the fact that you are going to wait until marriage.
This will serve two purposes. First, it will give the guy more time to really get to know you before the subject comes up and he has to decide whether he will see you anymore or not. Second, you aren't really asking the guy to "waste a lot time on you" because this becomes an issue pretty soon in today's dating scene. So when you do bring it up it won't seem like such huge item that has just arisen between the two of you. It's more a part of his getting to know who you are.
Congratulations on your stand. I really admire your guts and the importance that you place on your integrity and the value it will have in your future marriage!
2006-10-10 23:22:13 · answer #1 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right to tell them from the start, no point wasting anyone's time. In the long run you will end up with a guy that loves you and that wants to marry you for who you are and the sex will be better as a result.
We are all different but if I were dating you it wouldn't be an issue, sex is not important to me-love and trust are of much greater importance and only when I have those will I consider taking the next step to a physical realtionship. Remember that not all guys want or need sex, a lot of us just want to be loved!
2006-10-11 05:27:30 · answer #2 · answered by Very happily married. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think telling them right from the start is probably a turn off for a lot of guys who are just looking for sex. But that shouldn't be a problem because that's not what you want, right? Getting it out in the open from the get-go ensures that you're attracting the kind of guy that you really want to be with... someone who respects your values and is willing to support you in that. (There are guys like this out there, I promise!) It might make a few guys want to pursue you even more for the challenge, but just be firm with them and don't compromise your values. It's actually a very good test of how strongly a guy feels about you. If he's willing to stick around even when he knows there isn't going to be any sex, then he truly cares about you, not your body, and knows that you're worth the wait. Good luck, and don't ever compromise what you believe in!!
2006-10-11 05:32:12 · answer #3 · answered by deepwaters05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're so cool! Congratulations! Anyway, it's ok to tell them right away, it is a test if their intention are really good or not. But mean what you said. Some guys might really pursue you more and take it as a challenge that after a while they might be able to change your mind and give in to what they want. There are really nice guys out there, I hope you'll find a nice and loving husband in the future. Stay that way until marriage, ok? Godbless!
2006-10-11 05:22:24 · answer #4 · answered by Monzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thumbs Up gal! Even I told my BF that i wish to remain virgin until marriage....And i have been with him for 1.5 years...Sex isnt the ONLY way to have some fun...there are many other ways......being straight forward is the best....That may tempt guys even mo to have sex, but still if u are not comfortable with pre marital sex then dont put down ur guard....a decent guy will definitely respect u...cheers!
2006-10-11 05:25:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't go out of your way to tell him this, go along and very soon the situation will come up, then say it very politely, do not get self righteous, just tell him this is what you have planned for and you want your wedding nite to be special, then tell him how far you are willing to go in intimacy, don't be blunt and rude.
2006-10-11 05:22:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to go with the "honesty is the best answer" one here. You dont wanna get a guy hooked on you and then drop that bomb on him. He may not be ready for marriage or even want to get married ever and then it would be unreasonable to think he would never have sex again.
2006-10-11 05:20:09 · answer #7 · answered by Just your average guy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think for all things there is a moment. Live with him, consume your relation and you will fell that moment to tell him. If he is ready to wait until marriage he will continue the relation. Another reason might be trying to convince you. If you do not want him then it will be easy to refuse him and maybe finish the relation, but if you will fell like having relations with him you will have a dilema. Here matters way you do not want to have relations with them. Religion might be a reason. Here i can not give you any advice. You choose. Good wishes.
2006-10-11 05:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by mirioana 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should tell them as soon as possible so they know what to expect and if they turn on you because of it, look at it this way, you save yourself a lot of heartache. always say what you believe because most men want to control but always let them know you have a mind of your own because you are your own person and when you feel it is necessary, you will voice your opinion. the impression you will leave is that you are a strong, independant women
2006-10-11 05:25:43 · answer #9 · answered by dlilmunkie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
right away, so he doesnt get his hopes up. and if he leaves then you know he was only using you. And if he doesnt like the idea, then maybe you should be looking for men with the same values as you. Dont give in, you'll regret it later on. Look for someone who values your values and not just your body.
2006-10-11 05:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by JustJane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋