Should my 9 yr old watch Horror films?

Question

I have recently seperated from my husband, meaning a move of home & school for my son and I. He hasnt settled in very well in school & it was very hard to get him to go until he made a new friend (a relief to me at first). However this kid is very 'street wise' & it turns out that he has been truanting with my son & getting up to all sorts (shop lifting ect.) which really upsets me as he was never brought up like that. On top of all of that this kids dad works in a video shop & lets his son watch all kind of things (mine also). I have spoken to his mother but she sais that I am ott. & that they realise it is only make believe. My son sais that if I stop him seeing this boy, he will not go to school or just 'bunk off' with him.
I have noticed a serious change in him (the way he is with me & his little brother).
Do all kids go through this 'fase' or should I be tougher on him, which is hard as he took the seperation badly & I feel guilty.
Advice would be very welcome, Jane xxx.

Sorry, I previously put my question under the wrong section.

Answer 1

Jane,
While it is true that kids go through phases, as a few people have said on here the main issue is your son's friend. If you are worried that he will rebel, have a word with his teacher / form teacher, he / she can split them up in class & it will appear that it is his teacher & not you (so no need to act rebelious) + at 9 when seperated in class usually make new friends with whom they sit by therefore a possible end to their friendship.
Do speak to his teacher though as they will rather help than have 2 pupils playing truant.

Answer 2

Kids don't realise that everything is just make-believe in horror films, especially not at 9 years old. They can be badly traumatised, and there are good reasons that films have age certificates attached.

Letting your son continue down that path woiuld not be doing him any favours. And by saying "if you don't let me I'll bunk off" he's putting himself in the commanding position over you through emotional blackmail. Maybe even sub-consciously punishing you for separating from your husband.

So you shouldn't give in to him, but take lots of time with him to explain why you are being firm.

Our role as parents is to help children understand what's acceptable and what isn't, and I believe kids do realise and appreciate when their parents are trying to do the best for them, even if on the surface they may rebel.

It may be a good idea to use some outside help for you and your family to get through this phase; why not ask for some counselling?

All the best.

Answer 3

NO at the age of nine children cannot distinguish between real & make belielve. My son is nine & i would not let him watch horror movies & yes your son is is goin through a fase.
At his age you can tell him whats right,i would stop him seeing this other boy & have a word with the teachers,as they will be able to keep an eye on him in school.
What are the other boys thinking lettin there child bunk off school,he sounds like trouble & in the long run,your son would be better off without him in his life & he will thanx you for it.
I went through it with daniel & it was bloody hard,but i perservieed & daniel is a lovely child now.
Stick to your guns as you know whats best.
Best of luck & remember however hard it gets you can do it as you are the mum.
Good luck. Claire.xx

Answer 4

As far as the horror films go. It depends on the child. I love horror films and have watched them since I was a toddler but some children can not handle it. I started my son out slowly and gradually worked up to harder ones until I thought he really was scared and I stopped at that level. He is almost 11 and can watch a lot of the classics but is no where near ready for Exorcist or anything like that. I always watch it all first to be sure that there is not anything else that is inappropriate for his age.
I would try to find a new friend for your son though because this friend of his is changing him on you and is obviously not a good influence (shop lifting). When I moved my son thousands of miles away when he was 9 I encouraged him to join sports and/or clubs to meet other kids because we lived in a tough neighborhood and I did not want him developing street wise habits. It worked. He met kids on his teams. Kids whose parents kept them busy and out of trouble. Money was an issue for us so I checked with a nearby church and his school for suggestions.

Answer 5

You know your son better than anyone, can he deal with horror films? My friends son would have nightmares and wet the bed if he saw the children's programme "Goosebumps" but my son would take it in his stride.

However, I don't think the films are your biggest problem right now! At 9 he shouldn't be going through this phase. This behaviour has to be stopped now, truanting, shop lifting etc it sounds like an ASBO waiting to happen, don't let it be your son!

Its sad that he took your separation badly but channelling his emotions into bad behaviour won't help anyone, least of all himself! You have got to be tougher on him and the first thing you should do is stop him seeing the other boy! If he bunks off school to be with him then you punish him. You are in charge, don't let him rule your life!

Answer 6

It would be a very good idea to cut off something you give him. If you send him to the boys home then you could stop and say you are busy, or cut off pocket money , if you give him any, for a few examples. Or try putting a fight between them (not if you are an honest person) to spark and end of the friendship to seperate them and become enemys, then (the costy bit) would be to move house again and change schools to somewhere very very far away from the school your son currently go to, so that they don't appologise and remain enemys. IF YOU REALLY NEED TO, get a lawyer and sue the family for child abuse．Hope this helps for you !!!~~~~

Answer 7

It really depends on the child. I used to sneak (because my parents wouldn't let me) and watch horror movies over at my friend's houses at that age during sleep overs, I turned out fine! lol I love horror movies to this day. When I was a kid, they scared me, they still do even! Just make surey ou talk to your child about how these movies are fake and not real. I would probably wait until my kid was 10 and up - but of course, like I said, kids will sneak and do things behind your back anyway.

Answer 8

OK first of all, you are the parent, not him. He will go to school no matter who he is friends with, if that means you walk him to his class room so be it but you put your foot down. I was around 10 when my parents split and I had an awful time but I would never have talked to my mother like that. She would've popped me right in the mouth in front of anyone standing there and no she wasn't abusive, but she made sure we knew she was the parent. I would stop him from hanging out with that kid though, you don't want your son in YDC (youth detention center) already. As far as the movies go, you have to decide that, he is your son. I allow my girls to watch horror movies and they have since birth but we taught them from a very small age that the people aren't real and are just in costumes.

Answer 9

You can't let your guilt guide your parenting decisions. Your son needs better guidance from you, no matter how hard that may be on you. He is going down the wrong path and now is the time to stop it. Be firmer, let him know what you expect from him and what you would like to see him accomplish.

I am divorced and have four kids (two about your son's age). I know how the guilt can affect you. However, you still have to be the one in charge- don't let him take over. Horror movies are not appropriate for 9 year olds! You are clearly a good parent with good instincts. Follow those instincts and make sure your son knows who the boss is. That is what he needs from you.

Answer 10

9 is still too young to watch horror movies. They can tell themselves it's not real, but they aren't really convinced. They internalize what they see in the movie and can develop fears of different things. This kid your son is hanging out with is manipulating him, and in turn your son is manipulating you. As the parent you have to ensure he is making the right choices, and this kid is bad news. Plus he's not even being a good friend to your son, he's keeping him around as a mental punching bag. Don't let the guilt make you let your son do whatever he wants. Kids still need guidance, rules and direction. If he continues to have problems you might want to take him to an adolescent counselor for help, he's dealing with a lot as are all of you, but he still needs rules. Good Luck.