How do I get through the first anniversary of my mother's death?

Question

She committed suicide just before Xmas last year and I am dreading Xmas even though everyone else seems happy that it is coming up...

Answer 1

Bless you love that must be awful.

I had a horrible year after I lost my dad. The one thing I found is that getting the 'first one' of everything out of the way was very much part of the emotional journey - his birthday, my birthday, Christmas, New Year and all things in-between. The last in the sequence is the anniversary of their passing and in some ways it came as a relief to me when I passed that particular milestone.

Make sure you surround yourself with people that are dear to you and don't be afraid to open up to those your are closest to.

And remember that the last thing your mum would have wanted is for you to be miserable every Christmas so do try to celebrate in some way, however small.

It gets easier every year, I promise you.

Big cyberhug from this end.

x

Answer 2

You poor love...the anniversary of a relatives passing is always a day tinged with sadness as you remember them and the way in which you lost them...I found it hard enough on the first anniversary of losing my dad to cancer last year but to lose a parent to suicide must be so awful for you. Xmas will never hold the same magic as it did when my dad was alive, nothing is ever the same is it? During the run up to xmas people tend to get excited and lose track of the sadness in life in general...you need to spend the day with loved ones to comfort and support each other, remember your mom with love and if you want mark the occasion....we brought a new bench for his garden for us and mom to sit on with a plaque 'his memory is my keepsake'. You take care and I really hope you have people around you to love and support you..xxx

Answer 3

Oh, you poor little dear. I was close with my Mom, and now it has been two years, but she died naturally. I think that group therapy, some group that has been through this, might help. Also to tell yourself, if she was mentally off, she would have done this anyway. If she was in pain, then you just have to pray that it was with God's approval. WE cannot judge those that commit suicide, but maybe God will give her another chance for another life to live on earth, and be more at peace. Just know that your Mother loved you, and for what ever reason, you may never know, or do know, but I just think that she had come to the end of her life. Pray for her, and go to counsel ling. It will be tough, but you will get through it. Just remember too, that we celebrate Christmas over the birth of Jesus, and maybe your Mom will be having a birth of a new life in Heaven. She is happier and at the place she needs to be. I know that she wants you to be happy and not sad, and to celebrate her life through praising Christ, and now remembering her on Christmas. She will be with you, so think of it that way. God bless and good luck. With time, it will pass and get better. It is hard at first after a death, but you will see clearer later.

Answer 4

First anniverseries, Christmasses and birthdays are always hard. You may find you absolutely dread it, and are worried about how you will cope on the day, but then when it comes to it, it won't be so bad. You will get through it. After my sister died in January 1999, I was petrified of the new millenium, because in a way I thought that going into the new century was leaving her behind. I couldn't understand how the world could carry on as normal.
You'll never get over it, you'll learn to cope with it, and as time passes the pain will lessen. Sounds like a cliche, but it is true.

Answer 5

Honey of course you are dreading Christmas, its only been a year, give yourself time, you have not even began to grieve or heal yet.........and you have to except that time goes on, i do know that its hard, you go through Christmas as you wont to and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, i wish i had some magical words, that would help you through all the pain, but i honesty know how you feel, lost my mum and my 21 year old son not at Christmas, and not by suicide, but the hurt is still there, you need to learn to life with it, horrible to say, but its the only way. You do what ever you feel like doing....i wish you all the best........god bless

Answer 6

my dad died on new years day last so i understand how you feel, at the end of this month my mum and dad would have been married for 50 yrs and the day after would have been his 77th bday. All my family are going to a caravan park as we were dreading that weekend hopefully we can raise a drink and not be too sad. New years eve will also be difficulf but we will probably do similar. my heart goes out to you and i hope you find some kind of comfort at your sad time.

Answer 7

Hi,
I am sorry to hear this and nothing anyone says on here is going to take away the pain you have.

Losing your mum has got to be one of the hardest things we have to go through,
I lost my mum many years ago but i still miss her and getting through the first anniversary of her death was difficult but your mum is looking down on you and she don't want you to be unhappy,

Make it a special day think of all the fun things you did together, remember all the silly things she said to you
Smile at all the fun you had together.
Your mum must have been in alot of pain to do something like that and at that time of the year,
Write down all the things you want to tell her and remember her with pride.
You will hear this over and over again....... it does get better as time goes by,
My thoughts are with you take care x

Answer 8

I think the first couple of years are the hardest,light a candle on the anniversary of her passing and just remember the good times its OK to cry and it sometimes makes you feel better afterwards.On Christmas eve take some flowers to her burial place and get through Christmas positively you don't have to feel guilty for having a good time and i sure if she was watching down on you she would want exactly that.

Answer 9

You wrote that your mothers dying became unexpected and you have been together with her- according to probability you have positioned up nerve-racking marvel Syndrome.to not point out that it became your mom who handed directly to the excellent beyond! i'm unable to even think of!! My popular uncle handed directly to the excellent beyond final Friday night or maybe although he has been ill for years, it did not make the funeral from now on handy. I save seeing this image in my head of whilst i became 8 and he got here for a bypass to and gave me a extensive hug! besides, I discovered approximately PTS whilst my babies and that i've got been in a unfavorable automobile twist of destiny so look it up and spot if it appears that evidently like what your are dealing with yet next to dropping a toddler, i think of it may be the toughest element in the international to lose your mom and that i'm 40 six years old! Tammy

Answer 10

What a terrible thing to happen. The 1st year's always the worst.
Is there anyone you can confide in, to say you are dreading it? Try a bereavement group, there will be other people in the same situation, and you could help each other get through Christmas.