Help please family problem?

Question

I'm 21. Lately, all my parents talk about is my 20 year old brother and how he wants to become a dentist. They are constantly bragging about him that he goes to school for hours, studies so hard to become a dentist. I'm currently working on my Bachelors Degree to become a Social Worker. My parents never brag about me and never compliment be when I do things. It's like I don't even exist. And I just recently found out that my mom had said that shes not happy with what I'm doing. It just hurts me so much. My boyfriend just tells me to ignore it because no matter what I do my parents will be like that and I should keep on doing what I'm doing no matter what they say. And no I will not talk to them becasue I'm always wrong and their right. and if my brother says something then he's always right. I feel like they are putting me down even when they aren't saying anything. Besides having this problem I have already had problems with them few months ago so it just makes me more depressed.

they are never happy with what I do. Even when they don't say anything just the way they act makes me feel like crap. How can I be stronger?

okay people don't say "your parents love you" noo they don't trust me. my mom said it herself that she hates me... trust me there is a more deeper situation than this.

Answer 1

When I sat my GCSE exams, my mum was really disappointed because I didn't get the grades to do A levels and then go yo University. She stopped talking for a while, but I carried on regardless and did what was right for me.

A year or so into the subject I had chosen, she could see it was the right one for me and she began to give me her support. By the way, while this was going on between me and my mum, my younger sister was at school doing her A levels.

Yes, it is hard to ignore your parents. It does hurt when you know that they don't think you are doing a worthwhile thing. But, your boyf is right. Stick at. Don't give up. It will be worth it in the end. Just look forward to the day you can graduate and say I achieved this.

Answer 2

family talk.

talk to them in a polite way where there won't be any mis-leading conversations and rude comments. Let them know how you feel exactly without causing extra drama...that's the only way i could think of solving this because without you telling them they will never realize it for themselves. I know what you mean about the whole "they're right and im wrong" well until you explain to them your feelings, then that's how their attitudes will be. If you've got something to say, don't surpress it and then when things get worse, you might just end up blowing up, making a really big deal of it, then causing more drama. We all have short fuses, so do yourself and your family a favor and let them know. if you're not comfortable at all you could always do it in writing that way there are no interruptions and you could express everything that you are feeling. you could also try speaking to a couselor who would better advice you or your local priest. Good luck girl!

Answer 3

You know I think dealing with parents can be one of the hardest things that a person can have to do when it comes to relationships. First off, be proud of who you are. A social worker is a noble profession and just as valuable as being a dentist. While a dentist may make more money your profession helps those who otherwise would go without. My suggestion to you is to sit down with your parents like an adult. You're 21 so it's time to buck up and act like someone who knows what she wants. Talk with them in an non confrontational tone. Let them know that you know that they love you and want the best for you. Tell them sometimes you get the feeling that they aren't proud of you. Let them know the reasons you want to become a social worker. Also allow for the fact that they may be worried about your financial future. Tell them that you've thought about this and feel that money isn't everything. Also let them know that you are also proud of your brother becoming a dentist and that like him you are also pursuing a professional degree.

Just make sure to maintain your calm, no matter what your parents may do or say. Sometimes parents act childish and it's up to the kids to keep things at an adult level. This should be good practice for your chosen profession. It's always important to look them in the eyes, use loving words and not engage in name calling. Keep to the subject at hand (it may be useful for you to write notes for yourself so you don't get off track, another tactic that parents can use when they feel like they're losing their footing).

Know that your parents love you and also admit that you love your parents. Try to open up positive lines of communication and you'd be surprised how much differently they'll treat you.

good luck

Answer 4

do you elect an excellent kinfolk? I by no skill needed an excellent kinfolk, I extremely have 4 babies and that i'm getting reactions from some people like i had 14! lol that's brilliant what some people evaluate "huge". How enormous is 'sufficient'? for me...3 develop into sufficient, yet one snuck in there...LOL he's lovable though so i imagine we are going to shop 'em. What might want to i call them? properly..they *are* named Kyle David, Brandon JonGuard, Delaney Josephine and Hayden Ronald. they're named for kinfolk. basically concept i might want to upload...i swore i might want to by no skill stress a mini van too, yet there is not any way that 4 babies will slot in an SUV conveniently esp once you're dealing with booster chairs. and besides, mini trucks are a helluva lot safer than SUVs...my babies protection is better important than my vanity. and that i extremely dislike the coverage charges on SUVs besides. I rock my minivan LOL (that's no longer undesirable searching both a 2004 Nissan Quest V6), ill be upgrading in 2010 though :) both oldest are youngster and tween so momma receives her relaxing wheels in a three hundred and sixty 5 days.

Answer 5

you might want to read books that will give you tools to help you not take what they do personally. There is a series of books by Don Miguel Ruiz that help... The Four Agreements is one of the books I would suggest you read first. It teaches you how NOTHING that another person does is about you. For your situation, your mother hates herself and she is projecting that hatred on to you. It could be that she isnt happy with her own life and the choices she is making so she is trying to live a happier life through you. When she is critical, she is merely showing you what she feels about herself. When she is judging you, it is a reflection of the judgement she carries in her heart about herself. It is VERY difficult to see things this way when it is your MOM, but trust me, with practice, it does help you to detach from a parents negativity and focus on what you know to be true about yourself.
Another helpful thing to remember is that no one can pass on to another what they havent been taught themselves. For example, if your mom didnt grow up with parents who supported her, she wont be very supportive of you. And it might be that she supports your brother more than you because that is how things were in her family when she was growing up.
hope this helps.

Answer 6

That is a common situation especially for a young person like you who need attention from everyone around.
I face the same thing until I found out that sometime we must learn to forget the others and start focusing on us. Dont do something to beg others looking at you. Take your time to think what is your goal for youself.
Remember that life is too short and peoples including our family and friend are not going to accompany us forever.
Goodluck.

Answer 7

Hi..!! I can understand your problem bse being a lady i know wat we girls usually face. But believe me, parents are never against their children. They are always happy with the progress of their child. They might be bit confused with yours and your brother's future might be because they are not that strong monetarily. And even if i believe that they are not happy with your progress or with your presence, I will suggest you to ignore all such things because parents are more than a GOD for us. They gave us birth and bse of them we are here on earth today. We can atleast ignore some portion of their nature being a good human being. Even GOD didnt gave us sumthing which we really deserve but do we fight or ignore HIM? If you cannot get adjusted with your parents and cannot reciprocate their feelings...believe me, you'll never be able to get into any relationships positively. Bse parents always ignores every bad things of their child. Secondly, your parents might be aware that you can do anything bse you have that caliber but they might not be that sure about your brother and so they are being more attentive towards your brother. be Positive in your life, Do what you feel to but RESPECT YOUR PARENTS FEELINGS.....!! Believe me, it might be tough but it works and is fruitful too...!! And dont ever forget that you might come to the same situation some years later when your child could feel the same for you. ALL the best..!!

Answer 8

Just do what you feel it is right and good, Never forget that they are your family and your parents.They will one day come around and find out that you are equally important and probably better than him. Its just a matter of choice of what you both are doing. His line is more braggable because its a money making one but yours is more braggable,i think as its a morally good one....
Just do what you like & when they see that you are gaining more in self satisfaction they will come around. Parents are always like that ,one sibling gets all the attention but the quiet achiever makes it big finally.....so hang in there,I think u r great

Answer 9

First of all, mothers usually are closer to their sons. I have a younger brother who is 36, and he still lives at home. I was kicked out at 13. (go figure).
Maybe they brag about him more because they were more surprised at his accomplishments than yours. they might have been able to tell from the start that you were not going to have any problems in your endeavors but with your brother, it was something that wasn't expected.
Don't let it depress you . Be happy knowing that you are just as good as your brother.

Answer 10

its all they have to cling onto at the moment...all I ever heard when I called my grandmother is how wonderful the other 2 cousins are, one is going to be a laywer, meanwhile she failed her bar exam 3 times...(rolling my eyes)....gets old doesn't it....I haven't spoken to her in years, have more important things to do....that crap is because they are immature adults...I would never do that to my kids, have 2 in the military both doing good, but the one who is working and living w/the boyfriend I would never brag to her what the other two are doing....it's just not right....Don't call them. Just cause they are your parents doesn't mean you HAVE to, or to listen to it...when they call and ask why, tell them..Don't let them SEE it bothers you....just tell them you called to talk to me, if you called to brag about bro, I gotta go....