My significant other was raped...?

Question

While I was on "vacation" with the girl that I loved she told me that she was raped once by a guy within the year. I had a huge fit. I flipped. Rape has always effected me more than anything else. It hits a button that sends me through an endless rage. I thought that was bad enough. But later on I stumbled upon a writing that stated that it was not once. It was in fact an ongoing thing. She was in a relationship with someone for two years and during that period of time she was raped 10 times through-out it and forced into oral and anal. I found this out and I snapped even worse. Weeks later and I'm still randomly ambushed by images in my head of it happening. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel often like I'm about to lash out, an overwhelming urge to pound relentlessly on something. This one man ruined what I thought was a mutual first time and he has permanently emotionally scarred her, I don't know how to help her, I'm filled with grief and anger. I don't know what to do.

Note: She never brought this to the police. She said she couldn't. After it happend she froze up and since there's not enough evidence to build a case she has not brought it to the authorities.

Answer 1

The guy she was with was a jerk. You and I or none of the other people that answer were there when it happened. You need to calm down and try to talk to her bout it. If it had happened to me it would not have happened again. I don't understand why people stay in an abusive relationship.She is out of it now and that is a good thing. If you hold back your feelings and act angry about it then all it will do is hurt your relationship. If you love her and want to continue your relationship talk to her calmly about it. If she hasn't seen a therapist suggest that to her. She needs more understanding and love to get over it because it will affect her worse if you treat her differently. It happened and it is over. It is up to you to be gentle,loving, and understanding with her.

Answer 2

You both need help (that is in no way mean, I mean it, you need to seek help).

There are support groups for rape victims, and for people who have had a loved one be the victim of a violent crime. These groups might be an excellent resource for you both. Check your yellow pages for Support Groups, or ask a mental health professional for any information they may have for support groups in your area. Your best bet, I think, would be to call your local crisis center. Almost all moderate to major cities have one, and it's oftentimes through them that people connect with support groups. Plus, they would have a lot of experience. One other option is to find out if there is a Victims Services in your precinct.

I know it's hard, but make sure you're not projecting all that anger in a way she can see. Often, rape victims harbor guilt. The fact that she was in a relationship, and that it kept happening, could mean that she would have guilt over having stayed in the situation. Your anger is understandable, but you need to make sure you're supporting her completely and unconditionally. If she sees you go into complete anger, letting it change you, or if you talk about it often, in a way, she's being raped again. As angry as you are, she's the more vulnerable of the two (I know you know that), and she needs your love and support more than she needs you to be angry on her behalf.

You may want to consider counseling. This is traumatic not only for her, but for you. With anger and the helplessness of not being able to do anything about what happened, a professional might be able to help you over the threshold of grief.

Answer 3

i read some of the other answers. No one lets themselves be raped. Being raped is a horrible crime where 90% of the people who do the raping gets off scotfree. Tell her to seek counseling. she needs someone to talk to or she will always carry the pain around with her. For you seek the same and stand by her.Usually the person who was raped is treated like they have a disease. I know for a fact. I was molested as a child by 2 different uncles. I couldn't tell anyone because no one would believe me. I was also raped in high school. I know how she feels.Please don't give up on her. She needs you now more than ever.
Stand by her and seek someone to talk to or your relationship might not last.
good luck.

Answer 4

Have you two had a serious conversation about it? Talking helps a lot, sort of like a therapy session.
But I would recommend getting professional help for her. rape is an aweful thing to go through, and she needs help in getting through it. You need to control yourself and your anger, because it's not going to help her or the situation. She's the one that went through the rape, remember think about her, this is not about you, is about her.
Just...try to talk about it. If that doesn't work, take her to a therapist, because this is serious and she needs profesional help. Was this how long ago?
She should report it to the authorities, because he might be doing the same thing to another girl and she has a chance to put a stop into it.

And if you see the guy punch him.

Answer 5

Corey, have those rapes been mentioned? If not they ought to be. Now you ought to look into the place this anger is coming from. Is it the reality that on the time you have been unable to guard her? Is it the reality that (perhaps) it replaced into in no way mentioned and he has not been punished for the crime? additionally, you ought to bear in recommendations, whether this is this annoying for you purely think of what she is going by. the reality that she definitely informed you is a huge plus on your desire. maximum women human beings are scared sh**much less to tell every person using fact they experience that they at the instant are "broken products" Corey only using fact she and you probably did not technically have a "mutual first time" there is mostly a often happening time in a dating and every time this often happening time ought to hold a undeniable place on your coronary heart and soul, notably however she is definitely not 'broken products' so do not think of that. This female depended on you sufficient to tell you approximately her terrible previous do not break this have faith. Her previous is her previous and it will stay there.. in spite of the fact that it does influence you on the instant using fact it has made her into what you grew to love.

Answer 6

Here's a tip. Take her to the police and she can make a report of this incident, then both of you need to go to a therapist. Her for being the victim and you to learn how to deal with this, it's not about you, it's about her.

If the therapist does not help her get over the sexual assault, then take her to a hypnotherapist, they can remove all the pain she went thur and help her more than you could imagine.
The Police Dept. may have a Forensic Hypnotist who could help her and also get a composit sketch done under hypnosis, from her description of the suspect.

Answer 7

It's very normal to feel anger and rage at an abuse that was done to your loved one, just be careful not to take out your anger on HER. It is unclear whether you snapped AT her or not. Because if you did, that definitely is not helping her, she needs your support and love. Anger is normal, but please if you feel angry in her presence, make sure you make it clear to her you are not angry at her, you are angry at the guy who did it and that this happened to her. If you need to vent, talk to a friend or trusted adult or a distress phone line, or even a counsellor.
If you want to help her, ask her what you could do to help. She probably would enjoy the "soft" approach and enjoy flowers, cards, dinners out, romantic walks and to be listened to and hugged in a non-sexual way, to have a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 8

Wouldnt mind if I converted you to Christianity, but not my largest hopes. I had a friend experience the same situation and I know its tough. No words actually describe it, only screams of fits and rage. He came out of it through Christianity. He is now attracted to the opposite sex and did a complete 180. He is a changed soul and its something to consider. God might not have allowed you to go through such pain unless you needed it to realize you were in a position you shouldnt be in. Good luck and God Bless, I hope everything works out for both of you!

Answer 9

Why did she allow him to rape her more than once? She should have done something about it when it first happen. There is not much that you can do since there isn't any evidence of her getting raped. Take her to theraphy... find someone who deals with victims of rape.

Answer 10

It is very easy....what you have to worry it is the emotionally damage that this man had caused to her ....forget about it ...what you need to show this girl is that there's great men too ....that there's men that loves that respect and is you who she needs ...who cares if you are not the first one....who cares!!! what you have to care is that what you will offer her to have a better future ...Are you gonna be the men that she really needs in this time