I dated an abusive guy for two years. We've been apart for 6 months now. I haven't talked to him for 4 months but now I think about him all the time. I went through a phase when I didn't care about him or think about him that much but now he is constantly on my mind. Is there any hope that he will change??? Has anyone ever witnessed an abusive guy change for the better??
2006-10-10 18:08:36 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
to answer one of yalls questions...he was both physically and verbally abusive.
2006-10-10 18:23:09 · update #1
++ probably not
2006-10-10 18:12:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes there is a slim chance that an abusive guy can change, the only thing is he must want to change on his own...I would give him more space being in an abusive relationship for 2 years is traumatic enough you need some me time to get yourself together and find out who you are and what your life plans and aspirations need to be.. You will always think of him, but think of it like this, you could have not been here to think about him or live your life, some women aren't so lucky...
2006-10-10 18:16:33 · answer #2 · answered by chubbie dumplins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to believe a person can change and in some ways maybe they can but, I think an abusive man will always be that way. For your own safety I think you should stay away from him. Maybe you are just thinking about him because you are lonely in general. Try to get out with your friends and meet other people. Just think about how bad things were. I hope you find someone better.
2006-10-10 18:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go back to this guy. At first it may seem nice like when you first met .. but soon you will be abused again .. you suffered with him for 2 years. You will stop thinking about him, like you did before .. he will stop coming up in your mind after a short while. Hang in there and get some help with finding a good guy. Abusive personalities RARELY change .. don't go back. Good Luck ! :)
2006-10-10 18:12:32 · answer #4 · answered by tysavage2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He might change temporarily to get you back if he thinks there is a chance and wants you back. You're thinking of him because he was all you knew for two years. Even though it was a hurtful relationship, you grew "comfortable" with him (and he with you) in a twisted, needy way. I don't believe that an abuser can stop abusing without counseling, 100% effort, and a total change in his perspective and his life. His history before you came into his life will help you get a clearer picture.
2006-10-10 18:24:50 · answer #5 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody else will take his SH*T....so he tries to get back with YOU
He is getting you primed to get back with him again. Sweet talk,
all that good feelings....well, just don't fall for it. You will live to
regret it....seriously. Abusive men cannot change. It is almost
next to impossible. They are USED to being that way, people are
only pawns in their game. You need to stop all contact with him.
NONE. He is no good for you, he is evil !! They will lie, and make promises, tell you what u want to hear. Then BAM, it starts
all over again. Abuse is a vicious cycle. He only wants to HURT.
That is all he has inside, anger. And they take it out on whoever
is dumb enough to stick around for the show. I KNOW. I went
thru it,....Please stay away from him.....as if he is satan himself.
Wait....for a better guy to come along. Don't settle for this !!
2006-10-10 18:25:21 · answer #6 · answered by CraZyCaT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
never!!!.. if they change they will before the get in a relationship with you. you can stick around for the little annoying things they do but when it comes to abuse he knows if you put up with it once and take him back you WILL ALWAYS do that. I know it's hard or you would not be asking but try to get out there and enjoy doing new and scary things and you might meet someone else that will treat you with respect and make you forget "him". In the mean time you will only be stronger.. BEst of luck
2006-10-10 18:14:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No an abuser wont change.
Also a person in an abusive relationship tends to attract abusers. So my advice to you is to be careful with who you go out with or you'll get yourself into the same situation again. Good luck.
2006-10-10 18:12:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was and abusive guy not physically but verbally, i drank to much and by the time i realized i was losing my wife it was to late,that was 4 yrs ago i dont drink anymore and i really spent a lot of time working on myself to change my behaviour and find the root of my anger,i have grown a lot over the yrs and now have become the man i would have like to have been to my ex wife,alas it is to late and i take responsibilty for that,i still love her very much but i do not blame her at all for leaving me or for not wanting me back.the point is yes abusive people (not just men,i see a lot of abusive women out there to)can change,but it takes willingness and a lot of time,six months is not enough time not to mention that it is most likely the he doesnt have a problem with his abusive behaviour and blames you for bringing it out of him,that will not change if you take him back and most likely wont change at all,i agree that it is rare but not impossible,im also a buddhist and am now the primary parent for our three children so my story and circumstances may be different
2006-10-10 18:23:04 · answer #9 · answered by seth s 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive relationship for almost 3 years. I was on and off with him. He never changed. They like to say that but they will never change. So the answer is "NO!"
2006-10-10 18:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by lovesbettiepage 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From personal experience, no they don't change......he may change for a while a week 6 mos a year but really, people are who they are and they don't change unless they want to and unless he has dedicated himself to a behavioral modification treatment then he doesn't want to change. Girl you deserve better. There is someone out there for you that you won't have to worry IF one day he might decide to abuse you again.
2006-10-10 18:15:48 · answer #11 · answered by amj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋