serious jealousy issues.?

Question

Hey eveyrone. well im currently with my boyfriend and I really have jealousy issues! If he mentions one of his exes (even if he tells me they were mistakes or something like that) i will get kinda jealous. When im jealous..i tend to make up for it by making him jealous by saying I think a guy is cute or some new person I met. So i basicially make him jealous just as he made me jealous and he's been calling me out alot on that. and I dont blame him..but i just cant help it! even if he mentions someone thats cute...i will try to do the same thing in order to make me feel better knowing that he's jealous. I really need advice. can someone help me out? It's hard he said he would NEVEr cheat on me and he expects the same in return..but I just really need to get over these jealousy issues before they get to us and our relatilnship!
thanks
-Bruce

Answer 1

god...how OLD are u anyway???

Answer 2

Well the best thing I csn tell you would be to ask yourself why you're so jealoues. I mean I don't know what your relationship is like but assuming that your boyfriend has never given you a reason to make you feel like this, maybe ask yourself why you're like this. Have you been cheated on before? Once you know what is making you act like this, you can talk to him and explain that this is serious because you have actual reasons. I'm certain that once he knows what your reasons are, he'll be a little sensitive. In the mean time, you should also start trying to trust him. Little by little. Just force yourself to move up to the big stuff. So what if he says another girl is pretty? As long as he's not saying it in a suggestive way, it's only a complement. See it as he's so comfortable and trusting when it comes to you that he can share these things. I'd be worried of the guy that never says or mentions other women.. That usually means they have something on their minds that they're not telling you. But really trust is key. Without it, there is no relationship. Good luck.

Answer 3

Good grief. Well, you guys have got to sit down and talk. The fact that you acknowledge that the jealousy is bad, and that you use it to play these games, that's a good sign. Now you have to act on it.

Exes are annoying, and my husband and I have a standing deal where we neither talk to nor talk about our exes. However, that was after about a year of marriage that we made that rule, because we both felt jealous.

If you two really care about each other, you're going to have to accept each others' pasts. I believe that everything that happens leads us to be who we are at any given moment. Therefore, experiences with exes, unpleasant as they are to remember or talk about, have made you and he who you are today. Just try to remember that they're exes for a reason, and that you're with each other now by choice, not by default because the exes wouldn't have you. :-)

Have you ever seen the episode of Friends where Ross and Rachel are making up their lists of celebrities they'd be allowed to sleep with without getting in trouble? My husband and I have a modified version of that that helps us. First, "sleeping with" is never brought into the equation, but we have a list of celebrity crushes. The thing is, we know who each other's crushes are, and tease each other about it. For my case, this was difficult because I've had a poor body image and NOBODY on his list looked like me, so I thought that meant he didn't find me all that attractive. It took some time and some having to force my brain to accept that he really thinks I'm beautiful and doesn't want someone else, but now, I can tease him about it. For example, when he bought a Kelly Clarkson (she's number one on his list) cd, I asked if I could have the cd, and I'd let him keep the sleeve. When I decide to watch Lord of the Rings, he laughs and mentions that four of my five are there (I'm weird and think the Hobbits are cute, particularly Billy Boyd, and then, of course, there's Orlando) and that's the only reason I can sit through 12 hours of movie. It takes the pressure off and, over time, has helped with the jealousy issues on both our parts.

Instead of trying to get him back by playing the "I can make you feel worse than I feel" jealousy game, talk to him. Tell him it really bothers you when he talks about other guys. It's okay to do that. He can't never mention another guy again, but he can try to refrain from being obvious about it by pointing out who he thinks is hot. And you can do the same.

If you play games like that, you could really put a strain on the relationship. It's manipulative, but if you're open about it and set some ground rules, it can help you get over the jealousy.

Answer 4

mmm...well, he's only mentioning his exes to let out some of the past regrets or mistakes he's made, and he probably just needs u to be there n listening to him rather than be jealous. there's no use getting jealous over that cause like i said, he just wants you to listen to him and understands what his relationship was like before you guys got together. don't try and make him jealous cause then he'll think you're cheating on him or something. he just needs someone to listen and if you listen well, you can learn from other people's mistakes and wont have any problem in your relationship!

Answer 5

I am a little the same. It is common to feel jealous over someone you adore and to be somewhat intimidated by the past. However, you need to understand that the past is what made him who he was. We all make mistakes and learn along the way. The past is gone and should be forgotten. Be thankful he is open with you and cares about you enough to fill you in on his past because it shows that he wants you to know who he truly is and where he is coming from. If he knows you feel this way, ask him to please respect that and to try to limit the discussions of his ex girlfriends. In the meantime, try to relax, try not to be hurt by the past and let it dictate your future. You are the one he is with now so treat him well. When he hurts you, don't hurt him back, tell him that it hurts you. If he truly cares he will be considerate of how you feel and help you to be stronger and build up your trust.

Answer 6

You're running in a circle and these games are immature and destructive.

If you have jealousy issues, that is your personal issue and you need to work on being a secure person.

Because you are trying to make the other person jealous, that is childish and will help to end your relationship and many others to come unless you change your ways.

Good luck on this!

Answer 7

You need a self esteem booster.. You don't have to counter act on everything he says..He's a man, he wants you to respond to those ignorant comments.Try ignoring him or biting your tongue and saying something like that's interesting or well you learn from mistakes don't feed into the game learn to play it and play it well...I am not sure if you know who Ericka Cane is, but put your Ericka Cane Poker face on when he starts cnversations like that and don't give him the response he wants throw him off by not reacting jealously..It will take some time , but you can do it ..

Answer 8

A little bit of jealousy is healthy , it means you care, but i think you dont see it that way. Even if you are jealous just make a small comment like " yea he may be , but as cute as you" or " yea but your hotter" . Y ou will see that with time he will appreciate your comments more and see you as confident and loveble instead of jealous and bitter....worked for me!!

Answer 9

you really need to talk it out w/ him... i can share your sentiments coz i too have fierce possessivenes.. being the taurean i am.. Ü i told him that i get jealous when he does things.. such as what your boyfriend did... what my boyfriend did is we talked bout it.. he assured that he never cheats.. those are just his friends.. and realizing that those are his exes which is at that time we haven't met or i'm not part of his life...

think of this: the reason why you became his girlfriend its because you are special and you made him special.. and that you both share that certain bond of love... Ü

Answer 10

you need to feel more comfortable with who you are as an individual. give yourself some time each week for self improvement. jealousy traits come from within yourself. it is a sign of possibly another personal insecurity issue.

Answer 11

you cant get over it but you can pretend it dosnt happen try haveing one night a week for both of you to go out and not tell each outher what happened. then just not talk about the oppisit sex to each outher. that would also work. have fun and wear a condom i mean it!