I'm engaged, but not sure if I should stay engaged or move on?

Question

I've been engaged to a man 13 yrs older than me for a year. We have been together for 1-1/2 years.

I was never in love with him, but after many failed relationships and painful ones, I decided no one would ever love me and treat me as well as him, and so I said yes.

We moved to another state together and are living and working together now. We get along great, have a wonderful friendship, but there is little to no attraction for me any more.

Our sex life is almost non existant (1x per month, and sometimes not even that often), because I just am never in the mood for him. I fantasize about other men sometimes, however, I can see him as the father of my future children.

I dont think I'm ready to settle down with him, & I'm not planning a wedding so I can prolong making a final life decision, but I don't wanna lose a great guy and regret it later. I am so torn, and have been in limbo almost since the day he proposed. Should I move on? Or should I try to work it out?

Answer 1

if you've written all this; you don't want to marry him. You were engaged after only six months. You know what you should do.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 2

Then don't settle down with him. I was engaged one time and a month after the engagement I started thinking about our future and realized he was not the man I wanted. There are always going to be a ton of painful relationships before you find the one that is meant for you. When you're in it, you'll just know it. I am glad I broke off my first engagement, because if I didn't I wouldn't be married to my BEST FRIEND, my LOVER, my EVERYTHING. I went from a man 5 years older than me, no college degree, so afraid of needles he doesn't go to the doctor or dentist ever, he's kept a badly broken nose for over 10 years because he's afraid of needles, again. He refuses to get his jaw fixed that is severly misshapen and cuases him problems, because he's afraid of needles, he ate kristals on a daily basis instead of trying to cook healthy, so his flatulence was AWFULL. I kept putting off the wedding. I wanted to waite until the right moment, but the truth is, deep down, I knew there was no right moment, and these things made me wonder how he would deal with other situations, and it scared me to think that he would puss out, so I broke it off. I am now married to man 2 years younger than me that has a 4 year degree, is a private pilot, and is an Officer in the ARMY, saves money as much as possible, takes care of himself, is very independant as well as close to his family, is afraid of needles but sucks it up because there are worse things in the world like being deployed in a combat zone in Iraq for a minimum of 12 months. The moment we got engaged wedding plans were happening and we got married 7 months later, and it took too long for the wedding day to get here. If you're putting off the wedding then you've already made you're decision. Honey, if you think he is not the right one for you, he is not the right one for you. You can do better. If in doubt, don't do it. I never doubted marrying my husband, everyone asked me if I was nervous, I was excited!!! It seemed wierd to me to be nervous. I hope I helped you!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 3

Move on honey. It sounds like you guys have had a great relationship and can still be friends, but you need to be IN LOVE for sure with the man you marry. If you marry him you will regret it for the rest of your life, probably be unfatihful, and if not that, then just miserable.
I say give it some time. Break of the engagement, explain that you are not ready for that kind of commitment, Get your own place, and say you can still date but you need to be on your own for a while to figure out what you want. You're just not ready, and there is no reason why you should be unhappily married.
Its not his fault and it isn't yours, it just doesn't work out and you will eventually find someone who really does light your fire.
like they say
"only when half-gods go can gods arrive".

Answer 4

You give many reasons why you should NOT be with him. It is really not enough to be just comfortable in a relationship, you do really need love to make sure it succeeds. There is something to be said for that spark, that chemistry. It is there for a reason. There are plenty of "great" guys out there, but that doesn't mean they are marriage material for you. Don't settle for less than you could have. It is better to be alone for a while, than to just be comfy and not totally happy.

Answer 5

For the love of God, do not marry this man. I can't think of a more ironclad, guaranteed recipe for heartache for both of you.

Do both of you a favor: find the courage to be honest, and move on with your life. Find the strength to make it on your own. Sex should not be a burden, a chore or an obligation, or you are both going to be very unhappy. It's not everything in a relationship, but certainly it cannot be ignored.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

The one thing people seem to forget is when you get married, it is supposed to be forever. I have been married now for 7 years and I couldnt ask for a better friend or lover. She is the rock I cling to when storms get rough as I am her rock she clings to. But you have to have a strong bond not only in love but trust and companionship. To fight the fight together. The age is no factor and the feelings have to be truly, madly, deeply mutual. If there is doubt, there is failure. If there is certainty, there is marriage. Choose wisely for it could cost you your happiness. Standing at the crossroads remember, It is your forever.

Answer 7

IF you are NOT in love with him, DO NOT MARRY HIM.

It is as SIMPLE as that.

Do not ever confuse gratitude or sense of security with love.

If you are not willing to marry, why would you marry? Obviously you have accepted his proposal out of fear that you would lose a good person like him, but you need to know what you are getting into.

Do you expect marriage to improve the relationship? Will you love him because you are married to him? What kind of love are you going to end up giving him?

You will find yourself happier to have someone to love than to have someone love you.

Answer 8

Don't marry him. If for anyone, don't marry him for him. You both deserve to be with someone you love and that will love you back just as much. Do him the favor of being able to find someone that can be in love with him. It would be selfish to go ahead and marry him when you can't ever love him like a wife should.

Answer 9

You wanna TRY AND WORK IT OUT...have'nt you done that already??... Girl..you can't hurry love n u can't force it either... It seems to me you r forcing urself..yes he is a great guy..but do u love him..? Would you wanna be with this man for the rest of your life??..N does he knows you are in this dilemma..? You are being a selfish *****.. You are leading n playing ard with him... Don't play him out coz you got played out b4..think abt it
he loves you..n does he deserve this??

Answer 10

well, don't get married. you don't want to be and you would end up divorced. you can hang in there for a while and just live together if you want, but eventually you might want to move on. being alone could prove better for you, and you will eventually find someone else that you can really like.

Answer 11

It sounds like you aren't sure which means it is mean to keep him hanging on. Has he tried viagra? Get some sex counseling maybe.I personally want love and passion.

It is up to you to be comfortable or be in love.Good can come from either