Help dealing with daughter-in-law.?

Question

Hi,

Please only answer if you are serious. No joke or wasteful answers please. Thanks for respecting.

My son and daughter in law have been married for over 3 years. Although I have done everything that I know of to get along with my daughter in law, she remains very snobby with me and she feels that she is "helping" me by telling me all of my faults. She has deeply hurt me many times in the past, however, she just doesn't care at all. She does act very cold most of the time.
What she has problems with me for are: the way I dress, the fact that I prefer my hair long, she does not like that I am a vegan, she has told me that I was not a good mother to my son in that I treated him like a baby...so much more. My son is my only son and he and I were very close until his marriage.
They have a son now, my adorable grandson, and I feel that she will eventually stop allowing us to see him. We are not allowed to babysit??? This is far too hurtful. Can anyone give me some advice? Thanks

Answer 1

What in the world is the matter with your son that he allows that to happen? And why does he even like her? Talk to him and tell him what you wrote on this site. If all else fails, grandparents have rights to see their grandchildren. Check with a domestic relations lawyer.

Answer 2

WOW, I kinda in that same situation, except I'm in your daughter-in-laws shoes, My mother-in-laws don't really like me, she puts up with me because I'm married to her son and we have two cute little boys, She don't like the fact that I wasn't raised the way she brought her kids up, I don't agree with have of the things she says, I now live with her, because my mom passed away, and
I got mad at my step dad for having an affair while my mom was sick with cancer, so I moved from Mo. to Fl. Maybe after she loses some-one important she will wake up and realize that you only have one life, and her kid needs a grandma, that's another reason I moved here, my kids need family, and after my mom passed away, My family fell apart, it hasn't even been a year yet, not until Nov. that's sad, maybe you and her should have a talk, tell her that you will go half way if she meets you half way, or maybe even talking to your son, tell him that he WILL be sorry after your gone that this is going on. And all you want is to have one big happy family. Good luck!!!

Answer 3

May I ask, "What is/was your relationship like with your mother inlaw"? When it comes to the children, most women are more comfortable with their own family watching them. Probably because I want their child raised and treated the way they were. For example, since you are a vegan she probably feels that she prefer that her son have certain foods that you don't believe in eating. As for the insults, I can't explain that. Maybe she truely believes that she is "helping" you. Maybe one day you can suggest going to a salon together and trying some different looks, without cutting your hair if you prefer it long.

Just an idea.

Answer 4

Being the mother in law when there is a grandchild is a hard place to be. Hard as it may be, do whatever it takes to be as nice and accommodating as possible. Try and try again to become friends with your daughter in law. It will be along road ahead if you can not find some way to be her friend. Remember we will do any thing for our grandchildren even swallowing our pride

Answer 5

I would tell her that you respect her right to her opinions and you would like her to do the same, How you wear your hair, or what you eat is of no concern to her nor is it her business, You have and had ideas on child rearing, she may not agree, but that was then this is now, Ex[lain that your son, and their son are very important to you. Ask your son in her presence why you are not allowed to babysit ? this woman seems to attack you personally and you feel it is not warranted, ask for a family meeting and lay all you thoughts and feelings on the table, if every thing is public she is likely to tell you what is really wrong, and you may both come to an understanding, Remember not to attack her personally, and do not give advice unless it is asked for
?

Answer 6

As much as you would like to be involved with your son's life. It is best for now to give them some breathing space. They've been married for 3 yrs and they need time to adjust to being a family and have their own rules even if it is different from yours.

It is hurtful that she has been insensitive with her remarks, but maybe some of the comments might be true. You have only a child and is very close with him. But now, you'll have to respect his new phase in life. They have their own way of bring up their child and you'll have to let them do it. Please ignore her hurtful petty comments, it is not worth it. You've raised your son to be responsible and independant and now he has his own family. Isn't that what all fantastic Mum do? You've done your job as a good mum. Don't worry about babysitting your grandchild at the moment. They are early in their family life and need to grow as one, give them a chance to do that. In no time, they come round and begging for your help. By all means visit them or invite them over and have an enjoyable time.

Answer 7

you should sit down and discuss this issue with your daughter in law and find out what she wants from you as well as what you disagree with her about. dont be defensive because this will only lead to more conflicts. if the problem is the same, talk to your son
and make him understand your concerns. inlaw relationships are sometimes complicated but kill her with kindness and she will change

Answer 8

I agree that you should talk to your son, but you also need to talk to the daughter in law and tell her that the things she says are hurtful. You have every right to be allowed to babysit your grandchild. Just talk to her and if that doesn't work talk to your son.

Answer 9

tell her that you and her have something in common, we both love your son, she as her man and you as your son...agree to disagree, she does not have to like you, we must accept each other and respect each other, no one is perfect, and for the sake of her husband, her child, and you for the sake of your son and grandchild, lets meet half way and have a truce....you both will be kind to each other, and if we can not say anything nice , just do not say it. talk about other things that are friendly and not judging each other..... as a grandparent [in most states] you can take the visiting issue to court and be granted visitation rights...hope this helps....

Answer 10

Honestly you need to talk with your son about it seeing as she's not going to listen to you maybe She'll listen to him I don't know.