Girls, Guys, Please help me with this..!?

Question

Recently I broke up with my ex. Now, he wants to get back together, and in a way, me too because we still love each other alot. He promises to treat me better and to change. But theres ONE thing.

He wants me to give up all my friends. He says he just wants it to be me and him.

I told him that no matter what, he will always be more important to me than them, but he says no way.

He wants me to choose, either him, or my friends.

I really don;t know how to make him understand. Is it wrong to have him yet friends?

Thanks everyone for all your advice. One more thing, I asked him if he's willing to give up his, and he said yes, and its kinda true because he's given up most of his already. Gosh, I dont know, what do you guys think?

Answer 1

dump him

he wants to control you

Answer 2

Oh no, honey. No no no no. This is VERY unhealthy.

Why do you want this????

First, if he really treated you badly, that is the "one thing". You should NOT put yourself in a bad situation with someone who has a history of treating you bad.

What gets me, though, is that while he's apologizing for treating you bad and promising to change, he's also insisting you do something that is really very scary and wrong, proving how little he has changed. Your friends are, I assume, the people who were there for you when things fell apart with Mr. Wrong. Now, the man who treated you badly is telling you to give up your support system and depend wholly on him, when there's nothing in his past and no intention in his future to deserve your trust.

I hope there is a way I or someone else on here, or someone else in your real life, can make YOU understand just how wrong this is. He treated you wrong in the past (I know that he knows this because he has promised to treat you better and to change, implying that he acknowledges his past mistakes), yet the person setting the conditions for getting back together is him. That's not right. Even if you say that you're setting the condition for him having to treat you right, that is hardly a great thing, since it should be a given that he treat you right.

I urge you to talk to someone (NOT HIM) in your life who you know cares about you and honestly wants what is best for you and tell them all this. It is a frightening thing for a man to insist that his woman turn from everyone who cares about her, because it's at that point when he can do something to her without anyone knowing. Now, not all men who demand that are abusers, but all men who are abusers demand that. They know friends will notice changes in you, and sense that something is wrong, and that takes the power away from him. And I am not only talking about physical abuse. If this man has already got you wondering if it's wrong to have friends then he is abusing you right now by trying to make you think you need him. He's already had you under his thumb, and he wants that power back. You've done a very brave thing by getting away from him, and by challenging this insane requirement for his affections. PLEASE don't give in now.

I want you to know that I'm saying a prayer that you will keep your strength and see him for what he is, and that you will be safe. Please be careful.

Answer 3

don't even think about ditching your friends for a guy. friends are way more important and always stick by you. if he is making you choose then he is not worth it because he is selfish and can't stand to see others happy. and the part about him promising to treat you better and that he will change is the biggest load of s hit i have ever heard come out of a guys mouth. he will never change. so i suggest you don't get back with him or you will be more miserable then you were the first time you went out with him.

Answer 4

Ah, the agony of dating young guys.

I used to be the jealous guy - the one that wasn't content unless all energy and attention was focused on me. It took time and a lot of dumpings from girls who missed their friends to understand that I couldn't possibly meet all the needs of the one that I loved and that it was ok.

Take it from me, he's not going to change if you take him back. He may change if you don't, though. Especially if you tell him exactly why you think that you shouldn't have to make that decision. You won't end up with him, but you may fix him for the next girl.

Answer 5

Its not at all wrong to have friends everyone needs an outlet and he has no right to cut that off to me that is controlling and if i was you i wouldnt even go there with him.What happens if one day you marry and have kids ...youre not allowed to take them to playgroup?C'mon i think even you know that it isnt right to ask that of someone and how i would put it is if this was your best friend asking you the same question about her and her boyfriend what advice would you give? would you not want to have any contact with her cos of her man?

Answer 6

If he makes you choose than he is being really selfish toward your feelings. Your friends were there before him, during the break up and after so why get rid of them cause some man that supposedly loves you says so.

Dont let him control your life or your social life.

Answer 7

You should most definately choose....to lose this sucker. Nobody has the right to make such a demand, even married couples don't have the audacity. Tell him if he's looking for property, buy Carlton Sheets: No Money Down Real Estate. Then tell him to hit the road.

Answer 8

Sweetheart, please learn from my mistakes. My ex husband was more subtle & manipulative, but the outcome was the same, after 22 years of marriage I looked around. I had no friends, my family couldn't stand HIM so they didn't invite us to stuff. It was all about isolation & control on his part. He needed to have someone around to toy with, like a cat with a mouse. When I figured it out and really needed a place to get away from him, there was nowhere to go. I had given away my power & voice to a madman. By the grace of God I got a job, dissolved my business & marriage relationship with him, moved out on my own and got counseling so I hopefully wouldn't get into the same type of relationship again. He stalked me until I threatened to get a restraining order. Your ex is insecure, self-centered, and only interested in having power over you. I have thought many times to myself- "I should have paid attention to the red flags, but I didn't. It would have been so much easier if I hadn't married him."
His behavior went from verbal to physical abuse over the course of time. You don't need it, and deserve much better than what this guy has to offer. Please don't waste your life. You can't save him.

Answer 9

NO boyfriend or girlfriend should EVER make you choose them over friends or family. it's a sign that something's not right and that they'r a control freak. The fact that he treated you poorly before is another bad sign. RUN and don't look back. if he calls, don't answer. if he emails, block it or mark it as spam and block his messages. STAY away!!!

Answer 10

talk about an insecure guy. c'mon, if you guys really loved each other, he should be more open minded and understanding and not controlling. obviously there's something wrong when i guy wants you to drop all your friends. where's your loyalty to your friends? maybe he has some issues that he needs to figure out first before jumping into a relationship and trying to control someone's life.

Answer 11

Anyone who REALLY loves you will love you unconditionally, without stipulations or asking you to change who you are, or who you care about! A true FRIEND is one who comes in when the rest of the world walks out! Are YOU being a true friend? If not, plan on living your life to please a man that will nEVER put your feelings first.