My son's friend is a terrible driver and has already gotten into a few accidents and has at least 1 speeding ticket -- that I know of! I don't want him driving my son around anymore because I think he's dangerous, but I know my son will flip out when I tell him this. What should I do?
2006-10-10 16:33:25 · 25 answers · asked by Chicago Man 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sorry Henry, but YOU are the parent.. Make the call and do not back down. Loving your child and wanting them safe is not debatable.
2006-10-10 16:50:29 · answer #1 · answered by mykidsmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the parent. Tell him he is not to be in a car with this friend until the friend has gone a full year with no accidents, no police encounters, and no tickets. Tell him the clock on this issue starts tomorrow and mark it on the calendar. If the friend has another accident, ticket, or any run-in with the police, the clock goes back to zero.
To cover all bases, talk to the friend's parents and tell them that you are concerned for the well-being of both boys and you have made this rule for your son. Tell them you'd appreciate their cooperation. They may be angry, but this is your kid's safety at issue, so be firm.
Your son probably will flip out. A meltdown is better than a broken neck or many of the other consequences to passengers in the cars of dangerous drivers, though. Decide what the consequence will be if he doesn't obey...make it a realistic one that you can and will deliver, because he's likely to test you at least once. Tell him what the consequence will be when you announce the rule.
You might also want to tell him that if he calls you for a ride home in any situation where the alternative is riding with an unsafe driver or being in an unsafe situation, you will come and get him...no questions asked. This will back up the spirit of concern and love in which you make rules for his safety.
Good luck. He won't be grateful to you now, but later he will appreciate you as a caring father.
2006-10-10 23:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by silver.graph 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him flip out. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say "this is the way it is, sorry if you don't like it but I'm the parent, and I'm looking out for you the best way I know how". Have you tried talking to the kid's parents about the son's driving? What do they think about it? What does you son think about his friend's driving? What were the circumstances for the accidents, do you have all the information? Some of it may not be his fault, but you need to find out.
Sit down with your son and find these things out, then talk with him about this rationally but firmly. Good luck.
2006-10-11 07:26:52 · answer #3 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes you have to be the bad guy. Tell him it is a bad idea, that you only have one chance to do things right, there is no reset on life, and you'd rather him be safe. To follow up on that you have to offer him alternatives otherwise you are telling him he can't leave the house, you may end up being chauffeur but at least he'll be safe. Another option is to speak to his friend's parents, and bring your concerns to them that way you can fight the battle on two fronts. You shouldn't be afraid to bring your concerns to your son, you may not think it but your words will stick in his mind, not to mention teenage rebelliousness is going to make him flip out about anything, just argue calmly and support your points with better reasons than I said so, and if that doesn't work remember: you have the last say. Well, good luck, I hope that you are able to reason with him.
2006-10-11 00:13:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
coming from a 17 year old, i think that by having the title "parent" you are entitled to tell ur CHILD what you believe is appropriate. even tho i would be pissed off, if i was ur son, in the long run i would thank you knowing that i didnt die at age 16. You have the rite to guide ur son in the right direction, the least u can do is prevent him from getting in a serious accident. good luck with this, and remeber to not be afraid of your kid, as much as he will "hate" u when u tell him this, he will know deep down inside that u r just looking out for him! hope that helped!
2006-10-10 23:43:58 · answer #5 · answered by prettyinpink<3<3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This seems very complicated, but I do suggest just bringing it up when you guys are watching TV or just a bonding time. For example just say something like, "Hey son, I just wanted to let you know that your friend's driving makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when he drives you around." Remember to mention that he is getting older and whatever he does is his choice, but you are just worried and would like him to know so.
Maybe you can even ask him to bring his friend over and maybe talk to him about it, but of course in a laid back way. Remember that this is a touchy topic and you shouldn't push it. Take it a day at a time and when he feels annoyed, just lay off and talk to him about it another day. Once again, good luck and remember to tell your son how much you care about him and how this situation affects you.
2006-10-10 23:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by Smartsrule 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask your son what he thinks about his friends driving? he may not think its safe either. maybe you can sit together and figure out another alternative, or way for it to work in your son's advantage. i had a friend that always told me how awful a driver his best friend was--but always rode anyway-luckily he survived the wreck that friend got him into, the driver didn't. better to let your son know how you feel. just don't forget he may feel the same--and at the end of the day, you are the parent.
2006-10-10 23:37:54 · answer #7 · answered by jflaherty12 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There have been times in my son's life when I have had to intercede even though it upset my son and caused him a lot of anger and resentment. I felt it was part of being a parent to sometimes take the emotional hit to make sure my child was safe.
I would clearly discuss my feelings and then my decision with him, but ultimately it would still come down to what I decided. Even if he's mad now, one day he will thank you.
2006-10-10 23:44:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I would just sit down with him and talk to him about it. Tell him you dont know what you would do if something happen and his friend wrecked and he got hurt. If you just yell at him or tell him he cant do it he'll rebel against you just to piss you off. My kids are young and do that
Maybe look up some sites where kids get in wrecks and show him pics , show him what can happen to wreckless drivers or even talk to the friends parents about it and maybe get him in a save driving class?.
2006-10-10 23:39:32 · answer #9 · answered by navigator_girl_1982 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your son flip out. My son is 19 and if he's gonna get in the car with someone I don't know, I tell him "he" has to drive. He doesn't argue with me about it because he has a lot of freedom and I only "choose my battles" and his safety is one of them.
You don't want to be bending over your sons' grave saying "I wish I would have stood up to you so you could be standing here with me" Tell him Nooooooooo.
2006-10-10 23:41:10 · answer #10 · answered by bella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would rather my son flip on me than not have him here with me any more.. now a days more teenagers are dying in automobile accidents than adults and elders everytime you turn the news on or read a newspaper you hear of the deaths of teens in accidents and usually speed is the number one factor....just talk to your son and tell him straight up you love him and want him around for a long long long long time and if you have to take him to one of those seminars on speeding and teen deaths and let him see for himself i have a 16 year old my self who thinks speeding is fun and thats why he don't have his own car yet.....good luck.....
2006-10-11 10:20:13 · answer #11 · answered by att_i_tude2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋