Help with 15 year old girl?

Question

I have recently taken in my neighbors 15 year old girl. She is good kid although she has been in and out of foster care. she crys often and feels like her parents dont want her. They brought her to me and left I have not heard from them since. I dont want her to go back to foster care so i willing to do what ever it takes...Can anyone give me advice on what i can do to help this helpless child im only 25 not much older than her However I have a great job and am capable of caring for her. I want her to feel at home as much as possible

I have papers from my attorney that her parents signed stating that medical issues i can have her treated. My brother is an attorney and we haved talked to Social Services we were told that as long as I was willing to take care of her there will be no questions....The mother has only had custody for a little over a year and is proving that she is incapable of taking care of her.

Answer 1

help her do tjhings that will make her feel proud of herself and/or needed, like getting a job (baby-sitting is a great one for her age), doing community service. Find out what she's good at and lead her that way. Ask her to help you do your nails, facials, etc... Take fun classes together, and let choose it.

Answer 2

Good for you and your generous heart!

I think people gave lots of great advice regarding some legal issues such as being able to make medical decisions if needed, as well as becoming her foster and then adoptive parent which would make her feel as if she belonged to you. Someone said to explain that her parents love her enough to share her with you and to be sure she has a good place to be.

As far as making her feel at home...allow her to decorate her room as she wishes. Ask her opinion when you will make a change to the house and get her imput. Something like, "Where should we put this table?" Or, "Let's paint the kitchen, what color do you think?"

To build her self-confidence she needs to have some successes. Help set her up to be successful in anything she would undertake, like decorating or school or any sports or arts or whatever she is interested in. Then she can have a series of successes under her belt and that will build her self-esteem and confidence.

Good for you for sharing your home and your heart. You are making a real difference in someone's life which will not only benefit her, but all of society!

Answer 3

You are taking on a huge responsibility ...and for all the right reasons. The first thing I would do is contact child services. This child has been abandoned by her family. You are willing and if what you say is true, finacially able to care for her, so hopefully they will leave her with you (your age might be the only problem). If you choose to go this route, you will be named her legal gaurdian which will allow you to handle school issues, medical problems and recieve some money to help support her, as well as medical coverage for her ( something extremely important) as well as access to counseling services which I am sure would benefit your sad young friend.

If you choose not to go to children's services, you should try to contact her parents and ask them to sign over legal gaurdianship to you.

My biggest concern is that in the event of school issues or her needing medical attention, you have no legal rights to seek them out or approve them. In that case, more than likely the school or medical provider will have to report the situation to the state. My advice would be to talk to someone with some experience...your own Dr., a school counselor, a therapist if you know one and/or the leader of your church or religous group. They may be able to help get the information you need.

Wishing you luck on this path...

Answer 4

well a power of attorney is always good to have, however if her mother is totally incapable, it wouldn't be a bad idea to seek full custody. this will offer the child security knowing that she isn't going to be obunced all over the place. another is offer her visitation with her mother. although her mother is uncapable, she still is her mother, the child needs that relationship no matter what type it is. do you little things with her too. it is a good thing you are close to age. you can understand things a little bit better for her. at any rate, i applaud you for stepping up to such a situation. i did that too and i know how hard it can be...but patience is good. i wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

Contact the local child services department.. begin paperwork to formally get custody... Ask child services to help you get in contact with a psychologist who can help you and the girl create a safe secure enviroment for the girl...

She is likely feeling very uprooted and insecure as she has been bounced from place to place she is waiting for you to bounce her out.. By formally starting paperwork to get custody you will show her she is very wanted and by attending psychologist/counseling sessions with her and seperately you will show her you want to make a safe secure home for her...

In the mean time let her redecorate her room in your home it will become her space and she will feel more at home right away... Allow her a budget for the redecoration (be a bit flexible if what she really wants is only a few dollars more than you allotted... $10-20 is not something to fuss about if it gets her the exact room she wants but don;t let the over spending go wild either) let her choose the colors and scheme remind her it's a room she will be in for a while so she needs to think what her likes will be in a few years... By allowing her to redecorate and make your home her home it will go a long way to making her feel welcomed and at home...

Answer 6

I am also 25 and the only advice I can give you is to make sure that you set rules and stick to them with her. Let her know you care about her- but you need to be a parent to her- not a friend. She has many friends- no parents. She needs guidance and a lot of emotional help. Make sure she can have a "normal" life- if thats possible.

Answer 7

well if you dont mind just keep her around it could be good for both of you im only 18 and have been helping take care of 2 15 year olds since i was like 14 and they were11 so try to help her by keeping her i was in a foster home and it sucks relly bad you fill so alone in the world like know one cares thats my advice

Answer 8

My heart aches for both of you. I know that being abandoned is one of the worst feelings in life. Her parents are most likely going through issues that have nothing to do with the teen, though the teen seems to be the one to suffer for their actions.

Reassuring her that she has a stable home with you will help. Letting her know that you do care and that someone loves her also will help and it is not her fault her parents left.

At 15, we are so uncertain of our place in the world and then to be left by the very people who are supposed to help you build a firm foundation in self esteem abandon you is a psychological blow that may need attended to by professionals.

Answer 9

If she has been in and out of foster care, then maybe she is better off in your care. She probably needs the security of a place thats hers. It is wonderful that you are able to do this for her, to bad other people don't step in and help like that. I would seek legal advise and if you need financial help you should be able to get that to.

Answer 10

first of all get her some help like counseling with a good thearapist, she is going to need alot of that and then show her you are willing to stick by her and not leave her like everyone else has....its hard for a child to get trust back from an adult when they have been hurt so much by them in the first place....show her you really and truely care and she will hopefully open up to you and trust you and be able to really love again.....you both will be in my prayers daily....Good luck to you both.....