2 months ago this great guy begged me to go out on a date w/ him. I had just seperated from my husband of 20 years and this man had gone through an awful divorce after 20 years of marriage. We hit it off great. We always have a great time together. We see each other about 5 times a week. I talk to him several times on the phone each day. The problem is, it seems that every time we get really close emotionally, he pulls back. He says that he is scared to get hurt again, but sometimes I feel like he just calls me or goes out with me because he feels obligated to. Sex is geat and there is definetly a lot of chemisty, but I get my feelings hurt when he doesn't want to see me every day. Between us, we have 7 children. He tells me that he is terrified that I am just on the "rebound" after a long mariage. How can I assure him that I am in it for the long haul? I really like him a lot, but he gets spooked easily. Should I be taking it slower?
2006-10-10 15:43:59 · 8 answers · asked by Rae 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off, was he really looking for a real relationship or a love relationship? We are taught how to walk, read, cook and everything else, but most people are winging it when it comes to love. It has only been two months, take your time. My fiance and I both came out of bad relationships but after 3 years, we are finally blending our families to become one. Everyone brings baggage with them to relationships, but you have to ask yourself, can you deal with those things. After three months of dating, we had the same issue and I told him that if he needed space, fine, don't call me until you are ready to continue or you know what you want. But you have to mean it and be ready if they never come back. You need to find out if what his goals are for a relationship and if they are the same as yours. Ask yourself these questions:
Is this person your best friend? Do you want your children to grow up to be just like him? If he never changes from who is today, can you except him just the way he is? Do you respect this person and want to be more like them?
Lonely people tend to come together for sometimes, the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Know what you need and what you want. Know what your partner's needs and wants are and that you are both going in the same direction. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so find your friends to do things with, and let him decide when he wants to work at a relationship. Another good idea is stop having sex for awhile. As a woman, we put our heart into sex. Men do not always, love and sex is two different things most of the time. Take time for yourself, love. I waited 15 years to find my bestfriend and the one, I want to spend the rest of my life with and I made plenty of mistakes along the way. Don't waste time like me, educate yourself, become stronger, and if he wants to build a relationship, then let him come to you. Put yourself first to love, believe in, and know. Your life is lived in a line, parallel with someone beside you, or alone, but it is your line, your life to celebrate and live. Good luck, my friend.
2006-10-10 16:10:23 · answer #1 · answered by Bonnie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should definitely take things slower. You're both getting out of very long marriages and even though you seem to have moved forward into another relationship rather quickly, he may not be moving emotionally at your speed. If he indeed said that you may be on the rebound then show him the opposite of that. Pull back alittle it give each other a little space but reassure him that you are most definitely interested in him..
2006-10-10 15:53:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take it easy for a while . 20 Years don't go away like that . It's understandable . You could be on a rebound .Enjoy what you have right now and enjoy some time alone!Get to know yourself again and do some great stuff with your girlfriends.
2006-10-10 15:47:39 · answer #3 · answered by silverearth1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take it slower before you have 8 children between you! I can imagine that you are both scared! Give yourselves time to get over this! GOOD LUCK
2006-10-10 15:48:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Let him know how you feel for real. Maybe he'll respond by telling you how he really feels. Just be upfront about it, I think he'd appreciate the honesty. And maybe lead him to open up for you.
2006-10-10 15:48:49 · answer #5 · answered by hyellasunflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just enjoy his company for now, don't expect too much. Maybe you need to give yourselves more time.
2006-10-10 15:49:07 · answer #6 · answered by maimai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just enjoy the relationship for what it is ... it sounds like he is very much into you, and time will reassure him. :)
2006-10-10 15:45:28 · answer #7 · answered by sexy_lil_butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he just wants laid. not to be dumb or anything but it seem like he wants a no strings attached relationshi with u right now
2006-10-10 15:45:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋