What should I do with my 5 yr. old?

Question

I have a 5 yr. old son who is getting out of control. He is generally a good kid but does not listen to me at all. He is already getting in trouble in school and on the bus. He hits and punches kids when he's mad. He talks back to me and just most of the time flat out refuses to do as i say. I don't know what else to do. I've tried time outs, grounding, spanking, taking things away. His father is also not much of a father at all. Please give me some ideas!!!!

Answer 1

my son was the same way and im going through it with my 4 year old.stand your ground.make sure he knows your the boss even if it seems mean.i also switched schools for my oldest who is 6 now. try not to put him on drugs(like for ADD) hang on let him find himself,hes changing.everything your talking about my son did.and a year later and alot of punishments later. he just change out of nowhere.the taking away ,make sure you dont cave in and give it back.if hes that bad take everything out of room.i did it and boy was he mad.but it worked.i gave things back little by little.i hopr thing work out .good luck!oh,try asking him if something is wrong,at my sons old school he got picked on ,and hit on bus so maybe somebody is bulling him.by the way just because dad isnt there doesnt mean s*** cuz my sons father hasnt been here for 6 years and honestly sometimes the kids are better off with out. you are mommy and daddy

Answer 2

I honestly have to say the problem is in the parenting. First no offense but your in denial

How can you say this "He is generally a good kid"

Followed by this
"but does not listen to me at all. He is already getting in trouble in school and on the bus. He hits and punches kids when he's mad. He talks back to me and just most of the time flat out refuses to do as i say. "

Even you call him out of control. You need to be more stern and also be consistant. Stop trying everything and find something and stick with it. Also try to limit things like sugars and carbs, you will be amazed at what a proper diet can do for a child. The sugars and carbs and processed crap we feed our kids these days have them on permanent highs.

A really consistent strict routine at home helps as well. Bath times, study times, everything by the clock. It also sometimes helps to make up a responsability chart that includes chores, reading, bath, etc.

Answer 3

I had the same problem. Try talking to him. It took a lot to get my son to talk to me, but he finally did. Keep doing what you are. Persistence is the key. Let him know what ever it is he can always talk to you. But remember, what ever it is don't get upset or mad. He might not talk to you again. From my experience, he is at that age were lack of a father might have a lot to do with it. Maybe you could talk to the father and work out some way to let your son visit him more. It is very important in a young child's life to have the presents of a father figure. If he won't spend more time with him, ask your dad or an uncle.

Answer 4

Hey I know exactly what you are going through. My 5 year old is the same way. I am in the same boat as you are as what to do. I am taking my kid to a doctor to find out what to do. It is not easy. I have tried talking to my son and he sometimes talks about things but he also says the answer b/c. I hope that things get better for. And kids that are that age are in thier phase where they want thier daddy and it is harder if they are not around. I wish you the best and good luck

Answer 5

girl I can relate all together with you. When my son was 5 he hit everyone didn't listen, straight out he was just like your son. And ya I tryed everything. Well do you know that when my son turned 6 yrs old, he changed his whole entire attitude around. He no longer hits and is very well behaved, so I would keep doing what you are doing and he will out grow it, if he doesn't get him checked by a doctor.

Answer 6

I have been having the same problem with my five year old. He can be such a sweetheart..and other times a handful. When did he start acting out? Is it recent or has it been going on for a while? My five year old really didn't start acting out until he started Kindergarten. He has three older brothers that are all in the same school, so I thought the transition would be smoother. I think mine is having a hard time adjusting to starting school and the expectations of him. He got used to spending his time with me at home, while his brothers were at school, and when I asked him why he was acting out in school, he told me because he wanted to go home. I guess he thought that if he acted out they would send him home, and he didn't understand that he had to go to kindergarten and I had to make sure he knew I wasn't sending him there to punish him. He may have conflicting views about what's going on, or they may be something bothering him that he's just not telling you. Try taking him somewhere..just you and him..and talk to him about how he's feeling..and what's on his mind..I was suprised at just how much my five year old opens up to me..when I just sit down with him and ask him questions about his feelings...hopefully..this will work..and give you an oppertunity to find out why he's acting this way..and let him know that instead of acting out his anger with agression..that he can come to you...I have seen a big diffrence in my son's behavior when I talk with him about what's on his mind..and use positive rewards for his good behavior. Good luck.

Answer 7

Family counseling....

First your son will do as you tell him to do, only if he respects your authority over him. If within your house you have no authority, he cannot respect your right to tell him what to do. If he is hitting kids, he is mearly mimicing what he sees at home. If you or your husband exert your authority by hitting (or spanking) your son will exert his authority at school by doing the same. That said, a 5yr old male has not learned yet how to control himself when he is angry, the punching and hitting he will grow out of... the disrespect he has for you, and you have for his father will continue however until it is addressed.

Answer 8

I can only talk from experience - and every child is different but maybe just maybe something in here can help you. My son also did these things - I begged for help for years - I knew it was not "Normal" after awhile. I brought him to a counselor - They sent him to a socialization group (This did help alot) But I had behavior problems at home too - I asked the schools to diagnose him/evaluate him etc... It took three years and not once did I get anywhere. Finally I took him to a Nueropsychologist on my own and had him tested (Nothing extreme - just questions and computer tests etc... ) She found out that he had a learning disability (Slight but it was an issue - He would score off the charts in Math 99% above the nation - but Just pass English by the skin of his teeth) Also she told me he had ADD/ADHD and told me to take him to psychiatrist for the further evaluation of the ADD/ADHD - but with her diagnosis - I was finally able to get services in the schools that I was begging for for over 3 years. The schools do not consider a child learning disabled unless they are failing. Unfortunately - by the time I finally got him diagnosed He refused to take the medicines that would help him.
I was able to start him on them but he had reactions to some of them etc. so it took a long time to get it right - by this time he refused to take any meds. He is out of control alot and it tears our family apart. He is now much older and probably should have been on meds for bi-polar as well. He punches holes in the walls, curses and refuses to go to school sometimes. I have had to get the police involved and also Family Crisis Intervention. Look in the phone book for a local # near you. They had me bring him to the hospital for evaluation and through them we had a counselor assigned that came to the house. Then I also called the local Police Department and asked to talk to an officer or Detective that deals with kids alot - I did and he also comes to our home 1x a mo now and he even helped us develop a contract. With rewards and consequences of course.

I am in the same boat as you and believe me - you better get help soon - ask the guidance counselors, your family doctor, a psychiatrist etc...Anyone that might be able to help. It will only get alot worse if you do not get help soon.
You know the old saying the bigger the dkid the bigger the problem - unfortuantely it is true... (My son started drinking and driving at one point - I had to take his car away etc...) Kids tend to self medicate themselves by using liquor instead.
You could also join a support group such as Tough Love, ADHD support groups, etc..

Answer 9

Your son is trying to see what he can get away with. I know that its going to be hard but you have to be tuff. Exp. If he is getting in trouble in school, cut his butt and take something away from him. He does it again, you cut his butt again then take something else away from him plus whatever you took the first time. You have to keep up what you are doing. Pretty soon you will find something that he wants or like.
If that don't work, if you have a brother or your daddy to step in. Some kids straighting up once they get a real popping from a man. I don't know what it is but a mama popping can't compare to a Man's popping.

Answer 10

Have you stolen my 7 year old????? God love ya, you've got your hands full. Time to clamp down, and right now. Sit your little fella down and draw your line in the sand. He needs to know that when he does these things he is in automatic punishment mode, not 3 warnings later------automatically. If you lay it out for him and make him understand (hard with a 5 yo) if you do this , this will happen , it might help. Above all , YOU have to be prepared. YOU have to know what you are going to do so when bad behaviors happen you are not floundering for a way to handle it. For example----" if you hit Suzy, you will sit in timeout for 10 minutes, and make suzy's bed for her because you hit her and now you will do something nice for her" "I asked you to pick up your toys, and you did not , ok, you will have a time out/no treats/no t.v. and you will still pick up your toys too", Get it?? good luck.