Ever since she was born, me and her father share custody but I have her all week and he gets her on the weekends which I think is fair, but my daughter throws a horrible tantrum every time she comes home and says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. It hurts me so much because we have such a loving family at home, she has two brothers here at home. I've talked to him about her fits and he just says that it's his only child and he can't control how much he spoils her. Any ideas on how I can get her to be happy when she returns home?
2006-10-10 14:48:22 · 12 answers · asked by Klaus 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I feel your pain. I have a 9yr old boy and 2yr old daughter in the same boat. My daughter has not yet gone through this. I know from experience with my son that it is not far off for her. I used to feel guilty when my son threw a tantrum saying stuff like "well my dad lets me do this and that". Eventually I realized that I do provide a loving home for my kids and that everything I do for them is truly in their best interest. My son learned quickly how to manipulate me from his dad of all people. I finally stood up to my son. Told him that I love him but this is how things are when he is with me. It is an everyday battle. I just try to set a good example, love them, and not let them run all over me. I can be a softy at times. Good luck.
2006-10-10 14:59:42 · answer #1 · answered by ironcowgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS IS NORMAL.
My three-yr-old used to do this when he came home from weekends. Your daughter does not mean what she says. It depends how old she is. If she is three or four, then make the effort. If she is older, then she does need to learn to control herself.
It is very stressful for kids to live like this. Give her some time and space to unwind when she comes home. Expect her to be awful for a few hours, and give her the chance to be awful and get it off her chest. Respect her tension and anger that she can't control her life and her parents aren't conveniently together. It hurts, and she's letting you know it. It won't go on forever, but also, she didn't choose this lifestyle.
Good luck! (mother of one son who lives in two houses)
2006-10-10 22:47:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughters did that each time they saw their father during the weekends. He takes them shopping and buys them most of the things they "want". And in spite of that my girls would have a temper as soon as they got back home. AT least my girls were older and was able to talk to them. Eventually I had to discuss their behavior with them.
Their dad would take them shopping and buy them what they wanted. He would tell my girls that seeing him and making the time to see him was a priority over their studies and that it was the kids fault if he could not see them. He also kept telling the kids that it was my fault that the marriage failed. I pointed out to my 3 daughters that even if I could not afford to buy everything they wanted , at least I didn't leave them when the going got rough. ANd that I was the one feeding them and sending them to school. They did the math between our daily expenses and their shopping sprees with their dad and they realized I was spending a lot more for them each year than what their dad spends for them in one shopping spree.
Your daughter probably thinks that in some way she is the cause of the failed marriage. Maybe she thinks if she was a really good girl things would have been better.And being children they could not spell out or reason out what it is they feel, thus the tantrum. Always talk to her as to why the marriage failed and let her know it was never her fault.
Hug her and let her know it was never her fault.
2006-10-10 22:05:41 · answer #3 · answered by mylenekeane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, having parents that share custody must be hard. She is probably just taking her frustrations out on you. I know I had a friend that was in that situation but reversed. She was with her mother shorter than with her dad. I know she would constantly bring it up and argue with her dad about it. Are you and her father on good terms? Maybe you could talk about it. If possible, try to make it seem less. Maybe even take a vacation together to show that you both love her. I hope it works out.
2006-10-10 22:00:01 · answer #4 · answered by A* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is showing behavorial problems,since her dad spoils her and baby's her she wants you to do the same and she see it's not happening.My daughter does the same thing when I let her go over her grandmothers house (her dad side)and she gets out of it but she know I'm not stepping down to her level.So deal with or go in the room and cry it out,or get a spanking for having a tantrum and don't stop so it's that or my way.
2006-10-10 22:05:47 · answer #5 · answered by Sister Queen Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like dad needs to stick around at your house.
Or tell him to keep her during the week and let you have just for the weekend. Spoil her rotten and send her back!
I am sure once he gets 5 full days of her the tables will turn!
Actually try inviting dad to functions at your house. So he and you can learn to be consistant parents. And he can learn her everyday boundries.
Try to work with him to come up with a discipline plan that's consistent between homes and agree to back each other up on how you'll enforce limits. If you can't, you'll have to be firm in telling your kids that, "in your mom's house you follow her rules, but in this house, you'll have to follow mine." And vise versa.
I know everything in you wants to tell him YOU PIG!! lolol
2006-10-10 22:07:38 · answer #6 · answered by kitkatish1962 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to sit the child and the dad down together and let them know that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated.
It sounds like to me that that the dad might be agitating the problem maybe to get at you. I really hope that he is a better dad than that. It is always so sad when a parent uses a child in that manner.
I really wish you luck.
2006-10-10 22:02:32 · answer #7 · answered by dkd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, tell "Dad" if he isn't going to be a parent then you're going back to the judge because the kid is developing behavior problems.
It sounds like he's over-compensating because he's not in her life every day, but if you think it's bad now wait until she's a teenager and she learns to play you off of eachother. That will be really fun if you can't get it under control now.
2006-10-10 21:52:57 · answer #8 · answered by Luann 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you fill I go through the same thing with my son I take his games away from him when he comes back acting like that;;but you have to take control or it will get worst when she stop listing to you try to give her a little more attention also by her beening the only girl.
2006-10-10 21:56:37 · answer #9 · answered by D'Asia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately he can spoil her and you can't! He's the weekend parent! He can do all these fun things with her that you can't. You have the consequences of what Daddy does all weekend. It sucks but it happens.
2006-10-11 00:31:18 · answer #10 · answered by Dana J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋