Not sure what to do anymore.?

Question

i am seeing a counselor but I still need help and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I'm killing myself slowly or what. I'm seeing my counselor for my childhood abuse which invoved molesting, verbal, mental, phyically, emotionally and I just torn up. It all started in 5th grade and I am now a mother of 1 child. I was not allowed to have friends or boyfriends. My mom finally divorce him when i had the gut to tell her what he did to me but I'm still haunted by these abusive. I have a best friend that were are unseparable as we help one another we were brought up the same way and we can only help each other. I have no life here and been here for 38 years. There is nothing here for me. I want to move to a new state and start my life over. See a new envirionment, new people, new places. I have never married and I am not happy. If I am not happy then my son isn't either. what should i do and how?

Answer 1

Keep seeing your therapist and if this he/she is not helping see another for a fresh outlook on things. I wish you the best...you are a special person and have many good points to your existance...love that little child and focus love on the child.....
you will get throught it with time..maybe a great time...maybe just be able to take one day at a time..cope and remember someone out here cares..... :-)

PS: I agree with getting out and working, volunteering, and doing good for others that may be hurting like you. A support group can help.....

Answer 2

I think you should give yourself some credit for surviving all of that, for telling your mom, for wanting to get well and taking care of your son. Very good for you!

You must understand that you will heal slowly, but you will heal. It takes getting it all out and examining it, piece by piece, and then letting it go when you are ready. Don't be afraid, it is the past and it can't hurt you. This man was sick, you were an innocent child and should never feel responsible for any of it, ever.

Be good to yourself. Reward yourself with positive things; a manicure, a special bubble bath, etc. and do it often. You deserve it.

Remember that moving does not distance you from your past, it just puts you in a new place. If getting away from where you live will help you to heal (reminders of the abuse around) then maybe that may help, but, do your homework before you move anywhere. Make sure you have a job opportunity, housing, etc. Research the area well, go there a few times and talk to people, see websites about the area, read the local newspaper, really check it out.

Know that you are doing well, really well, and don't spend all your time with your friend talking about your pasts. Spend time walking, hiking, seeing positive funny movies, taking your son to the park, etc. Do what you really love. Learn to control your thoughts, when you feel yourself going down that dark road, switch to something positive.

Do you have a strong spiritual life? If not, I suggest you find help with God, He's there to help you heal and find meaning for your life. I pray you and your son have a wonderful life.

Answer 3

you have to decide to be optomistic and try to be happy.
it's really more of a change of attitude and then place that will help you see the world with new eyes. yes it's nice to get away, start over, re-invent yourself... but if you know you will reinvent yourself in the same way all over again because you;re not done reliving all the pain, then maybe wait. OR move again when you know that you're really starting to feel better, happier. personally, i hated therapists for most of my life because i was always being forced to go tell my stories to one person or another as a kid growing up. the mesy divorce has lasted 14 years now and is still going strong. anyway, what i'm trying to say is that if you know that the therapy is nice or OK but it's really not helping you work through things i suggest 2 things: 1 is that maybe you're seeing the wrong person about all of this and you just haven't met the right therapist/psychologist yet. and 2 is that maybe you need to let a little of what you;re carrying with you everywhere go. i know from personal experience that it's hard to let go of things and memories that hurt you especially if you were young. you can let them be and allow them an impression on you without letting it take over your life.
let the memories be ghosts of their formal selves and try to live for NOW and a better and happier and improving now. if you can change your mind set, everything will start to fall into place.
Good luck in the future. i hope you give it time and try to make peace with yourself and your past. i hope you find contentment in your life after all the hell.

Answer 4

Perhaps you need not only a change of residence but a different kind of counsellor especially if you feel your counsellor is no longer helping you.

I think you need to make a concrete plan,still talk to your counellor and ask him/her to make a referral to another counsellor wherever you decide to go. Take your charts with you.

Is there any support groups you can attend to help you with your sexual molestation issues?

Good friends are helpful but sometimes you keep running the same maze and expect a different result, despite doing the same thing over and over again.

You have to make a plan , how you'll support yourself and your child , save up at least 3 months worth of living expenses , including first and last months' rent, moving costs , transportation costs for you and the child and this will take time and effort.

Start with a simple goal first, even if it is to find a different counsellor and then go from there.

Good luck.

Answer 5

You are haunted by a horrid past and abominable incident.You are a victim of child abuse. Admittedly it would haunt you and make you feel terrible. But you still have more than half the life in front of you to live, enjoy and give to those who need your help and may be your care, love and indulgence.If you allow those incidents of the past, which is dead, to dominate your mind, your future will be bleak and it wound not serve the purpose for which God sent you on the earth.
The best course would be to banish those thoughts that make you depressed. No matter how much you try you cannot wash the blot on you which was done against your will.What happened with you happens with others and will continue to happen with some.There are vices of all kinds. This is one of them.The best course would be for you to travel and see new places and meet new people and find optimism that life offers. Read stimulating biographies and look up those who suffered more than you and have overcome the trauma. There are still many people in the world who would be able to give their love and expect that you give them too. There are many destitute, orphans, invalids who would need your help. Think of being useful to them.I'm sure you will find new rays of love and inspiration.

Answer 6

Sorry to read about what you have gone through.... It is good that you are taking control and proactively planning to make changes. By resolving and tackling your own issues, you will make yourself a better person and parent in the process, to the benefit of your son.

Since you are already seeing a counsellor, do let him/her know your feelings, thoughts and what you are going through. If necessary, he/she can refer to the appropriate avenues for medical advice.

In addition, I would like to recommend that you read the books written by Dave Pelzer, starting with his first book, "A Child Called 'It'". You will be able to relate to his stories of growing up under an abusive parent and how he eventually got out of the shadows of his earlier years and made good in life.

His story is very inspiring and hopefully, will give you the strength and courage to get over the past and move on to a better and brighter future for you and your son.

Take care and all the best!

Answer 7

Yes, if you feel you want to, you could start over. Also make sure to get a councilor at the new place you move to. You could start from scratch, get a new job, a new house. You can meet people at your job, and you could join clubs/events in your new community. I hope you find a place you can enjoy. Also, getting a pet helps with feeling you have nothing- you know there will always be something waiting for you when you get home

Answer 8

Maybe a fresh start is just what you and your son needs, but please try to be happy around him, kids really can pick up on your moods. I am sorry for what you had gone through growing up and I cant imagine how you live with it everyday but the fact that you do makes you so much stronger then most people in the world. Good luck

Answer 9

First, you have a child, and that is something!
In time these feelings will pass, and you can move on. I know it seems like this that you feel will never end, but it does.

You might need to see someone else. Don't give up!

Answer 10

Moving doesn't change anything except the scenery.
You need to deal with the problem. You are making your child's life miserable. Sometimes you just have to suck it up when it comes to your welfare vs your child's. This
is the time.