I need some help with my kids?

Question

You can look at my last questions but my 10 year old son played with a girls boobs and my 9 year old girl is asking sex questions and now both kids have seen my and my husband have sex. I don't know how but they say they've watched us play with our bodies. And they want us to explain **** my a$$ and phrases like that. I need help.
I want to tell them everything but I really don't know how to. How do I start etc.
Please help me!!!!!

Answer 1

Oh my... Well, that is a call for action.

Okay, first, you do need to have the sex talks. Be clear and straight-forward. If you seem embarrassed by sex, it can send the wrong message, but if you are open and confident (practice so you can be confident), you can help them have a healthy view of sex. Also, don't use slang. Use words like "penis", "vagina", "breasts" and "intercourse".

For your son, you and your husband should include in the talk the importance of respecting women. Since your son has fondled a girl already, you'll need to be straightforward with him, because once that first hurdle has been crossed, more and more things can happen in rapid order. One thing you do need to impress upon him is to protect himself, as well as his partner. Birth control is not 100% the woman's job, and he needs to know to be careful to avoid pregnancy and STD's. Make sure, too, that he understands that it's unacceptable to use women, and that in most female eyes, sex carries a heavy emotional load. Make sure he understands completely that "no" does NOT mean "yes", and that he understands that if a girl says no, he is to back off. Try to combat the stigma that guys who sleep around are cool, but girls who sleep around are loose. I can't emphasize that enough: respect, respect, RESPECT. A little later, it might be a good idea to explain things like the importance of foreplay to make sex comfortable and enjoyable for women. That is MUCH later. Oh, and for the short term, I think it would be okay to tell your 10-year-old son that fondling a girl's breast is unacceptable for the time being.

With your daughter, you may want to have the talk on your own. Emphasize the importance of self-respect. Too many young girls have sex early and then begin to lose their self-respect. Personally, I would also explain modesty. Explain to her that it is NOT impossible for a guy to stop once he's gotten started, and she has the right at ANY time to tell him to stop. It sounds like she's not as far along in the discovery, so you can probably put off the protection talk a little while longer. This is up to you, but I think it would be a good idea to let her know there is a double standard regarding guys who have sex and girls who have sex. You'll also probably want to introduce the idea (if you haven't already) about menstruation.

You'll need to explain some of the mechanics of sex, but don't let it turn into a talk to share tactics. I don't think you have to explain what the phrases uttered (or screamed) during sex means. You can say that some couples talk during it to show enjoyment, but you don't have to give a step by step guide for sex.

Since they've seen you and your husband already, you're going to have to deal with that. I'd do it straightforwardly, telling them that you love each other very much, and that's how you show your love for one another. Let them know that sex does feel good, but it's something that is best shared between two people who love each other.

Allow and encourage them to ask questions, but I think it would be more than fine if you have some limits. Don't let the discussions become lessons in Kama Sutra. You will, however, want to set the tone now that they can talk openly with you about it, so that when the time comes, they don't have a really hard time coming to you later about things.

Other than the talks, try to keep it down in the bedroom, and take every precaution to keep them from getting any more peep shows. My husband and I barricade the door. Your kids are old enough to be semi-unsupervised for a little while. And I think, considering their ages and seeming fascination with sex, closely monitoring their music, movies, tv shows, video games, etc. would be appropriate. You can't hide sex from them forever, but you can and should try to keep them from blatent sexuality whenever possible.

I could see a 10-year-old boy having a fascination with sex and experimenting like that, even though I think you should nip it in the bud. But that is on the fringes of normal (most boys at that stage, though, are giggling over pinups or something, so his boldness shown by acting it out with a girl is disturbing). Your daughter's questions about sex may be normal, but since you don't say what they are, they may not be. "What is sex" and "Does it hurt" are normal questions about sex girls that age can ask. If she asks questions that evidence details (questions about oral or anal sex, positions, or a detailed knowledge of the male anatomy, for example), you need to do some digging and verify that she has come across that information in a semi-innocent way (overhearing it, seeing an R-rated tv show or movie, etc.) and not through molestation. Even if they haven't actually be molested themselves, if someone else (a friend, a friend's brother, a relative, etc.) has exposed them to pornography or other illicit sexual material, that is a sexual crime. If either of them have been molested or sexually abused, they will need counseling, and that should come before having the normal sex-talks.
Good luck.

Answer 2

One night when my husband and I were having sex our oldest son walked in on us. He was 5 at the time (he's 13 now). We sat him down (later, not then!) and told him that he shouldn't be embarrassed by what he saw. We explained that moms and dads touch each other like that when we're showing how much we love each other. He thought that was utterly disgusting and didn't say or ask anything else about it until he was around the age of 10. Now our youngest son is 10 and although he's never walked in on us (we started locking the door), he's is becoming interested in girls. So, we've had to start answering questions from him. We're always honest and never use "slang" terms. We have made it clear that women are to be respected, but as a household rule, no subject is "off limits," no matter what the subject is.

Hope this can help!! It isn't easy to talk to kids about this, but keep in mind that kids today are growing up a lot faster than they should. They're already having pressures at 10 and 13 that we didn't have until we were well into our teen years. If they don't hear it from you, they will from other kids at school. Sad, but true. Confidence is key!! If they even suspect weakness from you, the conversation is a bust. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

i do not want to attack you or anything because i do not know what goes on in your home, however it seems very careless of you and your husband to put your kids in a situation where they are expose to sex. i must ask if you are having sex all over the house like you did before you had children. you should know to be more careful with young minds in the house and maybe you are being a little bit too loud during sex because your children are asking about things that they may have heard you said during intercourse.there is a time and place for certain things and when ur children are there you should be more careful . now,you and your husband need to sit down with those children and talk about what they heard because if you do not they will find out else where and keep in mind that what is going on with the children is what they picked up at home so u cannot just dismissed it.you better be thankful they came to you and not someone else because that is a bit much for anyone to explain to a child, i am not sure how you are going to get out of this one but learn from your mistake and correct these kids before they go out there and find out things for themselves

Answer 4

Sounds to me as if your children have been sexually molested, because children at that age do not get interested in girls "breasts" and nine year old girls do not ask sex questions unless something has happened to them. The ones that need help are the children; you need help because you don't see this problem. And the reason I know all this is because I have been there, not only personally, but my daughter was molested as well and I have studied the signs to look for. Someone is messing with your kids and you need to report this, take them into the doctor to be examined to see if they are "intact", call child protective services and tell them you are concerned, because if you don't and your kids continue to exhibit this behavior, the state will take your kids and charge you with neglect or maybe even accessory to the crime. This is a serious problem that needs to be addressed.

Answer 5

I would start by going to your local library and checking out some books that are suitable for their ages which describe sex and their bodies.

I do not think you should explain the inappropriate phrases and I am curious as to where they heard them. Simply tell them that it is adult language.

I would also start locking your bedroom door during your adult time alone and keeping your voices down as well. If your children accidental see something once or twice then I would not worry about it but something tells me that they have been seeing a lot more.

Answer 6

need to be careful about ur kids walking in on u, or u being too loud. I have kids and sad to say but we only have crazy u know what when the kids are at grandma's or we are very quiet, oh and we lock our doors. U dont have to go into detail about sex, just tell them what is appropriate at this age and why some things are not. Ur daughter is the same age as my daughter and they know things unfortuntely through friends, just remind them if they have questions they can always come to you. If you are really concerned then u need to speak to a professional

Answer 7

Read a good book on how to talk to your children about sex! Go to the library! TELL THEM NO MORE WATCHING OR they will get their butts whipped! I had one of my children sneak in my bed with me and their daddy-this is a tough one! Calm down and you and your husband can work this out! When having sex make sure your door is closed and locked! I know how you feel! Take comfort in the fact that others have had similar experiences!

Answer 8

Sounds as if they need to be in some major counseling and you need to start limiting what they watch on TV. As for you and your husband, you two need to be more aware on what you say and act in front of the kids. Also, buy a new lock for your bedroom door, and make sure that they cannot see or hear what goes on in your room when the door is closed.

Answer 9

I would normally say talk to 9-10 yr olds on a level they can understand, in your case, seems you have passed that level.

If your kids are asking you about the f word and you want to explain that to them, you need to be in family therapy.

Answer 10

how many times do your kids have to catch you before you get smart enough to LOCK THE DOOR. then you might want to ,o i don't know BE A LITTLE QUIETER. you dont need help with you kids.its your kids that need help with you.