Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."
Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!"
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back: as a chicken."
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here"
"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster. "Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ralph. "Well, just relax and let it happen."
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout,
"Dammit, Ralph! Wake up. You're shitting in the bed!"
2006-10-10 12:39:15 · 15 answers · asked by Linda 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
funny i told my Friend they pissed themselves laughing
2006-10-10 13:59:04 · answer #1 · answered by Surfer_69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ralph was sitting in a bar one night enjoying a few too many beers. He got into an argument with another fellow about which of them had the ugliest wife. After a few more beers, they came to the conclusion that the only way to decide who had the ugliest wife was to go to each others house and settle their argument.
So, they went across town to the other guy's house first. On the way they stopped at a small store and the guy bought a small mirror. They went up to the door and rang the doorbell. When his wife answered the door, he held up the mirror and it shattered. "How's that for ugly?", the other man asked. Why, that ain't nothing compared to my wife, c'mon. They headed for Ralph's house next. They walked into the front room and Ralph threw back a big rug on the floor, revealing a large trap door. Then he stomped three times on the floor. Ralph opened the trap door a couple of inches and hollered, "Hey honey, c'mon up here." From under the trap door, a voice replied, "Should I put a bag over my head?" Ralph answered back, "No, I don't wanna have sex, I just want to show you off!"
2006-10-10 19:58:22 · answer #2 · answered by one eye 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
roflol.....poor guy...he didnt get to experience motherhood after all. Also, why in the world would St Peter send him back as a hen instead of a rooster?...lol
2006-10-10 21:14:04 · answer #3 · answered by tearsnomore2005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG! This is seriously the first joke I've actually laughed out loud to. I thought it was fukin hilarious!!! Nice job! Got anymore to make me laugh? I've got a really dry sense of humor. I'll laugh at a guy falling on his azz faster than anything!
2006-10-10 20:09:23 · answer #4 · answered by Momma Jette 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hilarious, Now that is a good and funny joke.
2006-10-10 19:45:44 · answer #5 · answered by anreyes0201 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ewwwww but funny
2006-10-10 19:44:03 · answer #6 · answered by Brooklynn 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha nice one!!!
2006-10-10 19:42:36 · answer #7 · answered by Spot ♥'s Fall Out Boy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hahaha. SO funny. i almost peed on myself! SOOO HILARIOUS!!!
2006-10-10 19:46:07 · answer #8 · answered by stina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG! ewwwww......but funny!
2006-10-10 19:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
haha i like this joke!
2006-10-10 20:25:02 · answer #10 · answered by sstarr000 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋