This is not a new concern but one that is troublesome nonetheless. How do you handle this one?

Question

You go out on a regular basis with a group of women friends. There are 15 in this group who go out for dinner several times a year in a fancy restaurant. You are on a budget and watch what you order to drink and eat. The others order many drinks...expensive appetizers and entrees, and yet, they insist on splitting the bill rather than separate checks. This means that the $25. meal you ordered now has become $70. How do you tactfully make it clear that you would prefer a separate check?

Thank you to all of you who are helping me out with this problem. I had an idea: What if I were to say the next time..."I am really hungry tonight and plan to have the most expensive entrees, a couple of appetizers, dessert and a few drinks...How about I get a separate bill so that you dont have to pay for my extras ?"

Answer 1

When men go out together, splitting the bill is the norm unless some of them go hog-wild with the cocktails. If I'm in the situation you describe, I will leave more than my fair share, but less than a true split. That way, no one can argue that I'm not paying enough.

If there's any pressure, men can say something like "Hey, I didn't come here to support your habit; why that would make me an enabler". In other words, men can freely throw around jokes and insults where women can't or won't.

Anyway, I always make it a habit to give more than I take when I'm with friends. That being the case, I won't be pressured into splitting a tab with one or two friends who jack up the bill with cocktails.

Answer 2

You're going to say you want a separate bill so you can eat tons without burdening them, then proceed to order something small? That makes no sense. I have an idea. You know these meals will come up a few times a year, and will cost you about $75 a pop. If this is 4 times a year, that's $300 for the whole year, or $25/month. Can you work that into your monthly budget? It's only about $6.25 per week. I would think you can come up with 6.25 a week for a dinner out with friends that should be fun and not cause you so much anxiety over the price. Also, why don't you suggest someplace less expensive. Say something like, hey, I heard about this new place over on Main Street that's supposed to be really good! Let's give that place a try!

Answer 3

At the next gathering, you should speak up about your budget to the group & that you're going to ask for a separate check and inform the waiter/waitress when she takes the orders, that yours will be a separate check.

You never know, there may be some others in the groups who haven't spoken up either and may just need you to be the first one to get the ball rolling.'

Answer 4

It is okay to speak up up front and let the other girls know that you would prefer to have a separate check. Then when the waiter comes to take your order make sure you tell the waiter that you want a separate check. A lot of restaurants will add an automatic gratuity on large parties too ranging from 15 to 20% and you don't want to be caught contributing to that too.

Answer 5

Do you have any friend or friends in this group that you feel close enough to say you want separate checks? You can explain about your budget and paying for "extras" like drinks is out of your price range.

If not, bring it up before you go next time. These friends should be understanding enough to say, "O.K., let's do separate checks."
If they decide not to, maybe you will have to say, "I'll see you next time, have fun!"

I hope this helps.

Answer 6

If it's a regular group of friends they should understand your situation. Make sure it is clear how the bill is being paid before your next dinner with them.

Answer 7

I'd just be honest and say, "I'm on a budget. I need to have my order put on a separate check." The other 14 can all be on the same check if they want to, but you shouldn't have to be.

Answer 8

Ooooh, that burns me up! Just tell the server you want your bill separate, you can even do this when it's tallied. I will not pay $70 for $25, that's insane!

Answer 9

Oh dear, that is a sticky one. Actually, simply saying "seperate check, please" to the waiter might be the easiest way to go about this. If anyone asks, just tell them gently that you're on a budget. Any other explanation isn't necessary, especially if they say they're your freinds. Good luck. I know I wouldn't want to be paying for anyone else's dinner.

Answer 10

tact goes out the window here. Before the next ripoff is planned, you say that you want to have separate checks. If there is opposition to this, you know WHO the cheaters are. And you never have to go out under these unfair circumstances again.