How do I get my 4 1/2 & 6 year old to do what I ask the first time?

Question

My son, the oldest, generally behaves and does what I ask the first time. My daughter, the 4 1/2 yr old is the one that usually ignores me. However, lately, he has started not listening as much either. I have tried going up to them and touching them to get their attention and then asking for whatever I want. Nothing seems to work except me asking a few times and then I usually end up yelling. Then they take me seriously and do it! I hate that! I am sooooo frustrated! Help!

Answer 1

First..this is completely normal. Young kids generally don't do as they are told the first time, especially when the teller is a parent. Your 6 yr. old has started to develop the gift of selective hearing. This is something that will pop up again and again, so how you handle it now is what will decide the frequency later on.

The most important thing....and the hardest...is to keep calm. Yes, they listen when you yell, but when it gets to that point, the kids have gotten control of the situation.

When you need them to do something, go to where ever they are before asking. Do not yell from upstairs or another room if at all possible. They will have a much harder time ignoring you if you are in the same area they are in.

If they don't respond, do what you have been doing. You have the right idea by going up to them and touching them. But next time, get directly in thier line of sight. Drop down to their eye level, have them look you in the eyes, rest a hand on their shoulder and tell them exactly what you need them to do...and then have them do it immediately. Stay with them while they do it and once they complete the task, give them a hug and thank them.

There will always be times kids don't do what we ask immediately. Do adults always handle a task as soon as it pops up, even if someone requests we do so?? Nope...often times we have other things we need to accomplish first. Kids are no different, it's just that what they need to accomplish often seems unimportant to adults. A huge key to getting kids to comply is not only how you ask, but when. if your child is in the middle of their favorite show or watching a DVD they have been dying to see, my bet is you can wait until it is over to ask them to do something. If they are in the middle of a game or an art project, let them finish if at all possible before you ask them to take the clean clothes up to thier rooms. Not only does this show your kids you understand their need to finish the task at hand, it sets a great example for when you can not instantly respond to a request from them (Mommy is going to finish the article she is reading before she makes dinner...just like you like to finish your TV show before you pick up your toys).

In the end, there will be days you yell. I have those days and truely hate it. If, later on I realized I yelled for the wrong reasons, I always apologize. We talk about what got me so angry. We also talk about ways to make things go easier (lists, schedules posted, etc.) so everyone feels more in control.

In the end, it all seems to even out. Try what feels right...listen to your gut...and good luck.

Answer 2

Sit the both of them down and tell them to listen and use your stern voice. Tell them that are to do waht you say the first time. The consequences of not doing it then will be taking away TV or a special game or toy until they learn to mind. They are old enough for chores to learn responsiblity and respect also. Give them 2 or 3 chores each week.Your son can have more than the younger one.They can dust Without spray cleaners,pick up their toys everytime they get finished with them,put away their own clothes, fold towels and washclothes,set the table,carry out trash from all the small trashcans in the house,put thier dirty clothes in the hamper,the son can sweep the porch or patio,and lots of other little chores. IF you do not train them now you will have trouble later.They need to have more chores and more consequences each year to become more responsible.When they know the consequence before hand they will make better decisions. When they learn to make good decisions as younger kids, they will make them the rest of their life.I hope this helps because I know it will work if you stick to it.If you give in then they see that as a signal to challenge you on anything!Best wishes!

Answer 3

I have started having the same problem with my 5 yr old son...We are starting a new system this week called the "Popsicle Pocket". I made (using a large envelope) a pocket. Then glued a magnent strip on the back of it and hung it low on the front of the fridge so my son can reach it. Out of construction paper, I cut out little popsicles and glued them to popsicle sticks. Every time he gets a good note home from school, cleans his room, does as he is asked or does something extra like helping with other chores he gets a "popsicle". When he gets 15 "popsicles" he gets a prize (dollar store toy, stickers, etc.) or he gets to pick out where we will go for dinner on a weekend night. If he is ugly to us or at school or he does something he is not allowed to do then I get to take a popsicle away.
Try positive things like rewards and prizes. Nothing like bribary! I hope this works and good luck!

Answer 4

Their testing you!! They are trying to see what they can get away with. Is all you can do is keep trying. My son is the same way (he's 6) and I've gotten so I ask once if he doesn't respond then I (like you) go up to them and get there attention, if they still don't listen then he goes to time out. It's an uphill climb but just remember your in charge. I've been doing this now for a few months and he is doing alittle better. Good luck!

Answer 5

Have you ever really given her a spanking? I have 3 girls ages 3, 7, and 10 all have gotten spankings, and all still do from time to time. When i mean spanking, I don't mean 1 or 2 swats to the butt, I mean pants down, over the lap for a good 8-10 (for her age) sharp slaps to the bottom. If you do this consistently, you will see a change, not over night, but she will come around. For a child it's simple, once the punishment out weighs the crime, they start to think twice. Yes she's just in a phase, I advise you to help bring her out of it ASAP.

Answer 6

I agree with BECKBY and have extra comments...

Explain what your expectations are and what will happen if they don't meet them. I've heard 1 min per age of child for a timeout. Then when you go to take them out of timeout make sure they say sorry for not listeing to you the first time.

It is completely normal - and it won't stop any time soon (reminds me of the anti cigarette commercial where it asks "when was the last time you only had to tell your child something once") but hopefully you can cut down on it if you make them realize that testing your limits won't work.

Good luck

Answer 7

*be CONSISTENT*
If they don't do what you ask them to do tell give them 3seconds to do it or they will have a timeout (whatever age they are that is how long the timeout is) or start taking away toys away, one at a time and keep giving them time limits until they meet your expectations. OH... and make sure to stay calm. The more calm you are the more bored they get and eventually they should give in.

Answer 8

First set respect boundaries. Hey guys I am the mom, and when I tell you to do something I mean to do it. So, whenever you don't I will then take something you like away until you listen. Say it calmly, and keep your promise. Even if they are not listen...they will notice when their favorite things are hidden. Good luck. Been there...hope this helps.

Answer 9

borrow harry potter's wand and beat thier butts with it. or yell the first time.
seriously, you make sure there are consequences for not doing it the first time. your 4 year old is plenty old enough to understand this concept. i warn (or ask) my kids 3 times. if i don't get the result i want, they get 3 slaps across the butt. then i make them do it anyway. they are rambunctious, incorrigable, hyperactive adn very polite, very well mannered and very well behaved.

Answer 10

properly, it is common. quicker or later, your newborn is going to hump something or masterbate with themselves. And to the ignorant people who stated "it would not take place, by way of fact i've got in no way seen any toddlers do it. hence, it is not favourite" Do you think of that maximum childrens in simple terms up and bypass into the family individuals room and initiate humping something and masterbating mutually as 50 everybody is in there? i don't think of so. It does take place. it is in simple terms maximum youngsters do it in inner maximum. the only time human beings see it happening is while they walk in accidently. i will assure you that I humped issues while i became around 9. I wasn't as youthful as 4 (to the superb of my knowlege) yet I continuously did it in inner maximum (in my very own room). the only reason as to why that i understand of is "by way of fact it felt good". i did not precisely observe it as being "intercourse" and that i did not get it from the television or in spite of. you are able to wreck the television and not have one at your residence as long as you prefer. I guarentee you, your toddlers will nevertheless do it quicker or later or yet another. Ask a doctor. they'll permit you understand it is common. the superb you're able to do once you spot this happening is verify you do not say something to embarass them. and inspire them to proceed to do it in inner maximum. in spite of if it occurs early on or not, it is going to take place some day. It does not mean they are going to advance up and be "teenage sluts" or something. And to SweetElf... i became not sexually abused in any way. Do you human beings in simple terms make this up?