Need advice, can you help?

Question

My husband is a christain and I am an Atheist...we have children together and have argued about what to do in regard to what they should be exposed to. He wants to send them to church to learn about his god and I dont want to send them to be exposed to lies and brainwashing. Can anyone give me advice?

To those who keep asking why I married him, it was because we loved eachother and had nothing to do with religious beliefs, if your loved ones lost their minds would you stop loving them? And I was brought up in a christian home and was always afraid what would happen if I didnt believe, I was afraid because I was taught I was bad for having doubts, until I was old enough to realize that if I didnt believe what did I have to fear. so the comments on me not knowing anything about the brainwashing and lies goin on in those places is out the window.

Answer 1

FIRST id like some advice on how to deal with marrying a christian when you're an atheist in the first place? how you managed that one i dont know, but HEY all the more power to ya girl! :) as far as raising your kid...i say dont force ANYTHING upon him/her. i myself was raised by a single mother, who came from a religious family Jehovah's Witness :| she left the "cult" behind and had me...sure i knew all of them and i was forced to go to the meetings with my grandma and stuff but my mom NEVER forced me to believe in anything, only told me about all the different possibilities out there and so far ive made my own judgements and beliefs and im no **** up. the kid should be allowed to learn about all that on his own when he's ready...if he starts asking about it or something. dont keep him in dark or anything...just dont force anything. talk with your husband about just letting it all happen as he grows up. no need for brainwashing while he's just learning ABCs and 123s...thats hard enough.

Answer 2

One thing that I have heard my pastor say is that when you marry a person, you are marrying a believe system and it is impossible to have a relationship work when there is two sets of beliefs. My wife and I had the same problem, she was christian and I was catholic, the difference between me and you is that I was a believer. I told my wife that I would never change my belief system and our kids would be raised catholic. Two years ago I started attending a CHristian Church, I recently had an encounter with christ and believe me I don't regret this experience one bit. I see your concern about your children being brainwashed and being exposed to lies, but what does the world have to offer to prevent your kids from all the evil in earth. I would suggest softing your heart, allowing your kids and yourself to be exposed to God. The bible is 80% corrective, it gives us the ability to live a life full of love, peace, joy and forgiveness and I'm sharing this wholeheartedly because this is something I didn't know before. Look at what the world has to offer and decide what principles you want to raise your children with, you already know the alternative (we all live in the world). I will tell you God is alive and he lives in me, one thing I noticed in the way you addressed this question, it seems that you have a lot of hate and anger, and you should really explore the root of this issue. God will allow you to experience freedom once you experience the truth, so consider softening your heart and allow God to touch your children and yourself. You and your relationship will prosper, you're in my prayers!

Answer 3

If this means a lot to your husband, then let him do it. I agree with some of the other answerers here that you should have discussed this before you had children, but since you didn't, now you have to face this head on. It sounds like you had a bad church experience as a child, but you shouldn't push that prejudice onto your children. Let them go to church, and if you have strong beliefs otherwise, teach them what you believe and why. My husband is an atheist and at the time I had our son, I was a Christian. He left it up to me to educate my son spiritually, because he had no beliefs in that area. I took my son to church and educated him about the Bible, but he thought for himself and now he leans toward Atheism/Deism. I am now a Deist. In the end, the kids will believe what they decide is right. You need to keep a united front for the sake of the kids. There's no reason theirs might be a pleasant experience.

Answer 4

Hi Ash,
Interesting question.
I would suggest you think about this one....that is: the beliefs of the world are all around, your kids are subject to them daily.
Bombarded by the media etc.
However, it takes effort, and a "stepping aside" call it, to allow (God) into the big picture.
You should allow your children to be raised in a Moral and Truthful setting. At least they will have a some what structured standard to look back at down the road.
If true christianity is what they are learning.......good.
Most all*forms nowadays have too much non-biblical themes in it, and so genuine love and respect is hard to come by today.
That is, it is not taught, and so it becomes difficult, and almost unfair that little kids today DO NOT EVEN HAVE OR ARE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNTY AT LEAST, TO UNDERSTANDING THE SPIRITUAL SIDE OF EACH ONES EXISTANCE.
LOVE, AND HATE, AND....well you get it, these are all spiritual.
They coincide with reality/life.
*Biblical christianity will not hurt them.
Dont believe this??? Test it, again and again.
**observe the sincerity and honesty in general on this board alone, in comparrison with those that have no regard for the spiritual side of life.
All for now, be blessed-let them grow up in a caring evironment at the least.
truely, in Christ- LIVE4TRUTH=]

Answer 5

Not a pleasant situation to be in. My best shot is; first don't get your relationship with your husband into trouble over this issue. Expose your children to different views about God and religion. As your kids get older they will be able to decide for themselves what if anything they want to believe in. Brain washing can only take place with your help, go with them to church, at least you will know what they are being taught, armed with this information you can offer a different point of view. Most of all, help teach your kids to think for themselves, or they will become sheep.

Answer 6

I'm in the same situation. The arrangement we have come up with is that my wife can brainwash the children as much as she wants, but I will not contribute to it nor hide my beliefs from the kids. My oldest is the only one that even understands religion, and he knows I'm an atheist.

We were both marginal Christians when we got married, so it seems fair to let her do that. Plus, if religious difference end up tearing our family apart, odds are she'd end up with the kids and they'd get brainwashed anyway.

Answer 7

You and he are both in a tough spot. Both of you want the best for your kids, and you're doing the best to figure this out.

Since you met and fell in love with one another, you both must realize and respect the clearly evident fact that the world is filled with varying religious ideas and faiths. Consider that both of you want that idea to be communicated to your children.

You can decide to take them to a different church, synagogue, temple, chanting group, etc. every 6 months or so. If this seems too burdensome consider taking them to a Unitarian Universalist Church or a Baha'i Temple. Both of these groups accept that there are different manifestations of faith, and you are likely to gain a broader discussion of the role of religion in the world than in a more singular religious group.

Answer 8

In my opinion, to honor you both, you should expose them to both beliefs and encourage open discussion. Of course, I would expect you and your husband to be respectful of each other and simply explain different ideas from each of your perspectives. Anything less would be favoring one belief over the other.

My husband and I are Pagan, but there is no shielding our children completely from Christian beliefs. We actually enjoy the religious discussions that come about as a result of what they hear from their friends. We are careful not to bash other's beliefs because we really want to foster tolerance, and I think it's interesting for them to hear different perspectives.

Namaste,
Gwen

P.S. I didn't think about the possibility that you might not be together. In that case, ask them when they come home what they learned and instruct them according to your understanding of things.

Answer 9

Hi Ash - I'm also an Atheist and I certainly don't want to see your kids exposed to that garbage either!
You and your husband have very different views and as much as I hate to say this, you should probably expose them to both sides of the argument and let them decide on their own.
We both know that if they have any common sense they'll treat religion as a fairytale.
Good Luck

Answer 10

They should have a rough understanding of christianity. You probably should not send them to church every week, but once in a while. When they are old enough (13 or 14) then they can make their own decision.