What about a wedding...(Girls only please)?

Question

Well, I have not asked my girl to marry me yet, but we have talked about it alot and I was just thinking...my family is quite small but can't travel, and her family is huge. I am American and she is Canadian. There are just SO many obstacles against us having a traditional wedding. To be honest, I don;t want one anyway. Is it unfair to her for me to ask her if she wants to elope? We are students and it would be foolish to spend that much money on a big wedding anyway...just a thought. What do you think? Any ideas?

Answer 1

Here is what my sister and her husband did. They had a small wedding and basically eloped. Then at another time when there was a family get together they celebrated without having to pay the huge expence. You can even have two seperate ones for each family. Don't make it big!!! You could buy something useful with the money you save.

Answer 2

Elope if you want, but consider some things. That is not the only answer to not having a big wedding. Weddings should be events shared by family and friends, and if you make that circle really small, it doesn't have to cost a lot. Have you done all the research on citizenship and work visas and stuff? Where will you get married, and how that affects each of you, etc.? Actually, if you are both students you may not want to marry right away since you may not have enough money saved up to pay for the wedding yourselves anyways, regardless of what kind it is.

Answer 3

Well you have to have the wedding somewhere, whether in America or Canada. Since it's your family that can't travel, why not have the wedding closer to them? Are you living in the US or Canada? After you get engaged, or even during one of the times you're talking about it, bring this up with your girlfriend.

I don't know your girlfriend but she probably wants the traditional wedding, and even if you don't have the ceremony close to her family, all the ones who truly care about her will be there for your big day. Believe me.

After the engagement, talk to your parents (both sets) about what you'd like to do. Since you are still students, they will probably put in toward the total cost of the wedding. You could use some of this toward her family's travel/hotel costs. A good thing to making some family travel is less will come (only the meaningful ones who truly want to be there) which cuts costs of the total wedding, and you did say her family was huge. For students on a budget, cutting costs will get pretty important as all the little things add up.

Good luck!!

Despite the fact you could do without the traditional wedding, the day itself when it finally comes will mean a great deal to you and you'll be happy all of your closest family was there to share your day.

Answer 4

I think you're being very smart in how you are approaching this - remember it's your day too. The wedding day is just that - a day. It's the marriage that's the important thing. Elopement is certainly a good option or you can do a "weddingmoon" where you take your honeymoon trip and get married at the same time. Also, you can always renew your vows and have a big blowout dream wedding if you like when it's better for you financially. Best of luck - I hope she says "yes!"

Answer 5

I think that once you propose, you guys should have a serious discussion about what kind of wedding you BOTH want to have. It definitely doesn't hurt to suggest eloping, but think about your families as well--would they be hurt if they can't witness your marriage? If so, then have a small civil ceremony with just your closest relatives and then just the two of you go on a small trip. If she's not okay with eloping, then suggest a small wedding--maybe a small ceremony at a local church/synagogue/mosque/city hall/whatever works for you and then a nice sit-down dinner at a nice restaurant with your immediate family, her immediate family and a few very close friends. If she's still not into that idea, then figure out an affordable way to have a fun wedding that you both can look back on fondly!

Good luck and congrats on your impending engagement!

Answer 6

You 2 need to talk about it once you get engaged and come to a compromise you will both be happy with. If she has been dreaming of a big wedding her whole life, it would be unfair to ask her to give that up, but it could be scaled back. If she is not that worried about it, then go for eloping, but either way it needs to be a decision that both of you are happy with, you don't want her giving up a wedding now causing a divorce later right? Whatever you decide, even though you have lots of obsticals, you can overcome them, every bride has them....my fiances whole family lives 6 hours away in New Orleans, and thats not the ones who got scattered by katrina, can you imagine how we will find addresses for invites? I don't know, but where theirs a will theirs a way! Good luck and congrats on finding someone you want to marry!

Answer 7

Here is a great idea that will ensure that you both get what you want. Get married twice!

If she is Canadian, go to Canada and have the marrige there with her family. Her family can spring for the expenses (if they are so inclined) and you are really going to give your bride-to-be what she wants in the end -- her wedding with her family and then you are not asking them to travel.

Then for your untraditional nuptials, be with your family for an intimate ceremony and/or reception that your family can take part in. Don't forget to at least invite her parents and close family members to be a part of this event.

You will both get your ways and include your families. I have heard so many horror stories about not including the families (regardless of the newlyweds intent or desire) that leads to troubles with the in-laws ... on both sides.

In the end, you are going to know your fiance the best, and if your communication is as great as it sounds like, you should have no problems at least broaching the topic of eloping. If she is dead set against it or you sense that she is doing it only because she is trying to please you, remember the golden rule about marriage -- COMPROMISE MAKES THE WORLD GO ROUND! :)

It is important that you are both pleased and the only way it sounds like that will happen is through your compromise and love.

Good luck!

Answer 8

If she is dreaming of a big wedding, don't crush her dream. Sit down and talk to her about it, and be CERTAIN that eloping is what she wants if she agrees to it. If it isn't really what she wants, don't push it. This is important to a lot of women. It is one of the biggest days of her life. If she doesn't want that, she could end up resenting you for it later. Let her know your feelings on it, and if she is for it 100% then the best of luck to you two. If there is the slightest doubt in her mind, the best thing to do is wait until you can afford the wedding you both want. This is a 2 sided decision that you BOTH have to make.

Answer 9

Be honest and talk it over with her. Point out that if her parents have money saved up for a wedding, you could always use it to pay off student loans or as a down payment on a house.

My fiance and I are both college students, graduating in May, and we're having a small wedding so that we can use the majority of the money my parents saved up for a down payment on a house.

Good luck and congrats!

Answer 10

Go ahead and ask about eloping. Other options might be to have a small wedding, destination wedding (most people wont come), have a long engagement to save up money or just do a simple ceramony in a backyard/park/firehouse. There are lots of options, as long as you have the right girl, don't sweat it... things will work out.

congrats :).