how to keep upbeat??

Question

I work at a foster care agency .. which is already depressing enough.. but My cubicle is next to this guy who is a social worker and is constantly complaining .. he is so negative and he has a smart remark for everything . he is constantly looking over my shoulder and talking crap about our boss because she is mean to him this guy is like 45 yrs old what can I do to try and keep a positive outlook during the day .. his negativity is draining I feel so much better when he is not here.

Answer 1

The next time he starts spewing his vile negativity, turn around, look him in the eye and say, "I am sick of your negativity and refuse to listen to it anymore! Unless you have something positive to say, just don't talk to me or around me!" Trust me, it will shock him into doing some internal self examination.

Answer 2

Man - I have so been there - I call them "Energy Vampires" - they suck the life and fun out of the room - whereever they go.

Two things you can do - you might try talking to your boss about the situation - perhaps you could be moved away from his cubicle. Which might either bring the problem out in the open where it can be addressed - or at least maybe you could be moved away from him.

The other thing is that you have to make a conscious choice to be happy every day - no matter what. I don't mean "happy idiot" happy - but just that you are going to remain upbeat. You will probably just have to tell this guy - "Look - you are bringing me down, and I'm not going to let you do that to me today!" It may just shock him enough to make him shut up.

I feel for you and I hope you can get some relief from this situation.

Answer 3

That sounds like a really hard situation.
The only solution that I have come up with is to refuse to listen to it.
You can do this in a few different ways, I guess.

First, you could listen to something else, like music, while you're working. A pair of headphones on your ears should help this person to realize that you're listening to something else and might deter him from speaking to you so often. If you go this route please make sure that the volume is low enough that you won't cause yourself hearing loss.

Second, you can change the subject when you see what's coming. After talking to this person before, you can probably tell when a negative comment is coming up. You can then change the subject. In my experience, this works a lot of the time when I do it, although sometimes the person tries to return to the original subject so it can take some energy to stick to it.

Third, you might just have to talk to the person directly. If this is done in a kind way and you make it self-deprecating enough, it shouldn't offend him. You can say something like, "Hey Bill, I'd rather not hear that story right now." or "Bill, if it's okay with you, I'd rather to continue to think well of that person." Even a, "I'd rather not hear a story like that about my coworker." might be in order. Again, be gentle, but simply refuse to hear the negativity. I bet he'll get used to not sharing those things with you after a while.

Fourth, you might consider helping this guy in some other way. I suspect that his work as a social worker has caused him to see a lot of negative things in his life, and to have a hard boss on top of that must really be making his life miserable. Chances are that perhaps he has depression or some other psychological problem. I think the real sad shame of it all is that it might be having an effect on the foster kids that he takes care of. Perhaps pointing that out to him and offering to help him find appropriate help could be in order. You could say something like, "Bill, I can't help but notice that things seem to be pretty hard for you right now. It seems like you've been making a lot of negative comments lately. I know I'm just your coworker, but I'm concerned about you. I'd be happy to help you find a psychologist that you could talk to."

Many of these methods might also seem draining because they take some energy, especially at first. But I hope they will work out for you in the end.

Answer 4

You could try talking to your boss about it. Maybe one of you could move to a differant cubicle. If thats not an option just tell him that his negative talk is getting you down and distracting you from your work. Also, try putting a plant in your cube to liven it up and maybe post some bright pictures and inspirational quotes on your cubicle walls.

Another idea is to get your friends involved. Have them write down a few things that they like about you or things that would make you laugh. Then stick them all in a jar and after having to listen to your co-worker complain pull out a quote from your friend for a little affirmation.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

your co-worker doesn't realize how he's coming across
he doesn't realize how extreme his negativity is

don't respond w/your own negativity
it'll only escalate into a swirling downer-fest

for EVERY "smart" remark he makes,
you have to answer with the same, neutral, boring reply
ex. "oh, well"
when he "talk[s] crap" about your boss,
you have to respond each time with another, noncommital, boring reply (and a shrug of neutrality)
ex. "i'm sure we all do the best we can"

eventually, he'll leave you alone
and stop trying to entertain you with his witticisms

to help you "keep a positive outlook during the day"...
look for a cartoon that makes you smile
and tape it where you can see it while you work
--maybe change it each week
(being on the lookout for the "next" one, will be like a little treasure hunt as you go about your days)

sample comics....
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/artsandliving/comics/
sample humor...
http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/miscjokes/annoypeople.shtml

g'luck

Answer 6

Tell your co-worker that you charge money for listening to complaints. I'd go $30. per half-hour. Or that you just don't want to hear it. Or listen to music through headphones so he can't talk to you. That isn't part of your job. He's just taking advantage of your friendly nature.
To de-stress, I recommend some sort of vigorous physical activity. I play drums. Look for a drumming circle in your area if this appeals to you. A lot of people who have jobs that are mentally and emotionally stressful go to drumming circles.
It's easy to keep the upbeat if you tap your foot to the downbeat and then play the pulses between the downbeats :)

Answer 7

Just go in and ask him if he wants a lesson in happiness. If he says yes then reply watch me all day with out opening you big trap once. Maybe he'll get it.

Answer 8

i would answer him like he talks. if he says something sarcastic and mean about someone i'd be like...."OMIGOSH!!! and to think they always talk about you like you're a god!!!" and roll your eyes and giggle and walk away laffin. if he complains say "things could always be worse....like someone could light your hair on fire for always complaining!" and laff and walk away. this works for me. he'll either lighten up or leave you alone. either way...funny always works.

Answer 9

tell yourself possitive things and hang around happy and possitive people

Answer 10

lift up your chin stiffen your upper lip and keep on plugging away