do any other parents experience this?

Question

I have a 19 month old daughter and I want to make sure I am not crazy!! Did any other parents experience terrible anxiety about something bad happending to their kids and if so how did you get over it. I am so afraid that something will happen to my daughter that I cannot bring myself to leave her in day care or let anyone besides my mom keep her. I will picture someone hurting her physically/sexually/emotionally and I will have a mini-anxiety attack and cannot put her in day care!!!! How can I cope with this and let go a little? It feels so hard for me to trust ANYONE else with my child, even the church nursery workers.....I have never felt like this until I became a mother. Is this abnormal? If my mom is sick and cannot watch my daughter I call in sick to work because I am so scared to leave her at mothers day out or day care. My mom may have to lessen the time she can watch her and I will be forced to find public day care. Advice please

I dont know if this has anything to do with anything, but I was unable to have children for a long time. I had 3 miscarriages, a tubal pregnancy that ruptured and was not supposed to be able to have my daughter. I also had preeclampsia delivered a month early and daughter was in ICU for a week at 2 weeks of age. Now that she is here I am so afraid that something will take her away from me..maybe I do need professional help!!!

Answer 1

CRAZY! No. Call it, "Modern Times". If you watch the news you've seen all the worst the world has to offer. You may just be having a good maternal sense. However, if your fears are beginning to interfere with your daily activities, you might want to consider talking to someone who can explore your anxiety with you. Find someone you trust and respect, possibly a professional in mental health.

Answer 2

Many mothers experience the same anxiety of the unknown.. You know your mother because she raised you therefore she is capable of watching your child...

To releive the anxiety take a few days off work have your mother watch your daughter and visit a few local day-care centers... Watch how they interact with the children ask for references.. Asks for detailed information on thier certification etc.

Obviously you can immediately mark off those centers that are unwilling to help you in your quest for information.. From those which do help you get the information you want you can make an educated informed choice of which maybe best for your child..

You will relieve some of your anxiety because it's no longer the unknown you have done your research... You will still feel a bit of anxiety all mothers do because we want to k=make the best decisions regarding our children.. However taking the time to do the research into daycare center by center you can relieve the major protion of your anxiety..

Ask the different centers if they have "Parent Look In" many centers today have a series of cameras set up in the different areas parents are able to log onto a website and see realtime video of the center through out the day... This feature helps some parents alleviate the anxiety's they are feeling... .

Answer 3

I understand what you are feeling. Just turn on the news and see all the horrible, unimaginable things out there that happen to children. I have three children of my own. My oldest is to start pre school, but I would rather home school for all of those reasons. I believe more parents should think the way you do. I don't feel you are abnormal, I would if you didn't worry about your child at all. If you do have to find public day care investigate very well. I know there are some good ones out there,but accidents do happen. I have a girlfriend who works at one. A man that works with her was arrested for fondeling four small girls. I asked her how did that happen? Why did he have access to them? No one knows til this day. I hope I'm not making anything worse,but people have to wake up and see whats going on right outside their door. good luck

Answer 4

My daugher is now 14 but when she was small, I did have anxiety about a lot of things. I didn't return to work after I had her because the night before I was supposed to go back to work, I started getting anxious, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to go and leave her. I called my work and told them that I wasn't coming back. I ended up staying home with her until she was around 4 1/2. I never left her with anyone but my family.

This anxiety comes from knowing that you are responsible for this little child. If you need to work and have to leave her in a daycare, then make sure it is a very good environment for her. Check it out thouroughly. Even spend some time there with her. Leave her there for short periods at a time until both you and her get used to it.

Sorry to say this anxiety never goes away. If it starts to interfere too much in your life and you really feel that it is out of hand, find someone to talk to about it. You may also want to join a parenting group because it may help to ease some of that anxiety when you find out how other parents deal with it.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Hey, I have a 3 year old boy and I believe that I can totally understand. I myself have been quite anxious over my son since the early months. I believe that it is totally normal given the circumstances of past events. I'll let you in on a little something that may help you understand my predicament of being a little cautious over alot of things. I have given up a son for adoption 4 years ago. He is with a great family. I wasn't able to care for him like I would have wanted to. We have our financial problems now, and I still worry that I will lose the one I have now. My husband told me not to worry. It will not happen. By the way, I gave up my first son when he was just 2 days old. I am not sure how much advice I can give, but hopefully the passage of time will help you feel better.

Answer 6

It's not normal. You need to go and see your doctor. maybe there is something he can give you to calm your anxiety.
I know Zoloft is really good for anxiety.
Usually being a little concerned and worried is normal when leaving your child with someone else but you are extremely over the top concerned and worried. I mean, your even worried if you left your daughter in the church nursery. Right there shows that what your feeling is not normal.
Go to your doctor and tell him.
You shouldn't have to feel this way all the time. It isn't fair to you or your daughter. Your daughter needs to be with other people, not just you and your mom.
Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 7

I think it is normal to varying degrees in every parent. I have a 18 month old son. The first time I left him with church nursery workers I didn't hear a word of the sermon! My imagination was running wild the whole time! ( I won't go into detail and feed other imaginations :) But I knew it was good for him, he cried at first but now he loves it. He likes playing with other kids. Also I had to leave him with a babysitter 2 times a week while I was in school. She is another mom and great but I still feel the guilt, the anxiety, but it has lessoned as time has gone on. And yes, he screams and cries when I leave, but he stops withing minutes. (She has called me to comfort me too)

You have to put your imagination to rest, find other moms that can watch her that you trust to ease into the seperation. Find a day care that you like and give it about a month before your child becomes used to the routine of going there. It took about a month for my son to get used to the babysitter. And most importantly RELAX. We moms need help and we can't let our heads get in our way. Good Luck!!!

Answer 8

Okay I feel like that some but your at an extreme. I always picture the worst scenario of anything happening like my 18 month old climbing on a chair and then just flipping backawards on the tile cracking his little head open. But I just say get down baby and that is that.
I think lots of first time mommies get that anxiety but you have to trust people most people just want to play and be with your baby. You shop daycares and find one your comfortable with. And church come on...that is the one place I am happiest leaving my kids because I know they are getting great care. Usually in the daycares it's teenagers that love just playing with babies or older ladies that just miss having babies.
Make sure you research daycares, ask around if you have friends using daycare or coworkers. They will get you pointed in the right direction. My 6 year old was in daycare from 2-5 and he LOVED it. I had working mom guilt when he was 4 and told him I was going to take him outta daycare and stay home and he said "but I love it"
Lots of daycares now have the webcams you can watch them at work...find one of those. If your in Las Vegas I know of a few!
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

You're not alone. My daughter is 25 months old and she's been in daycare 3 days total (it was horrible, they refunded our money and we filed abuse charges). For some mothers, we just feel the need to be with our children and not let them be raised by strangers. Unfortunately, in today's world it's almost impossible to stay home with them if that's what we want to do.

Maybe an at home daycare would make you feel more confident. Our children are not able to talk yet, so how are we to know if they are being abused or not. It's a very real fear. Your love for your child is a good thing. Another suggestion is to interview the daycare teachers to make sure that you're comfortable with them before you put her in daycare.

A lot of people won't agree and will tell you to get over it. Sometimes I really feel that our culture puts far too much emphasis on material wealth versus the rewards of having a happy close family. You're fears are just part of being a good mom. It's not natural for strangers to raise our infants, it's become a necessity, but the natural thing is to be with our children.

I'm still struggling with it and probably will until she starts school. It's normal to worry about abnormal things happening to your children too. If you feel that it has gotten out of control, perhaps you have untreated post pardum depression. It's possible to have even a couple of years after birth. Listen to what your heart is telling you and do whatever you can to do what's right for your child and yourself.

Answer 10

All mothers worry about their children, but you do seem to be a bit obsessive. I would look for a child care center with state certified teachers. (They all have criminal clearances). Your safest centers are located in church buildings. Listen, people have children stolen out of their homes in the middle of the night. There are bad peole everywhere, but you can't dwell on stuff like that. Most people are very nice. Just find a good day care center and check all credentials and policies. Then put it out of your mind. You will spread your anxiety to your child if you don't and that's not fair.