Please I'm asking for help about with my 15 yr old son??

Question

I'm new to this yahoo answers, but I thought maybe you could help me. Please, this is my last resort so can you give helpful answers??

My 15 year old son just recently got suspended for .. a whole bunch of things, can't even count. THis is his second suspension, and only 2 months of school passed!! I've tried everything, my husband and I have talked to him, he's talked to guidance counselors, and on. I think I give him enough space, he's allowed to go out sometimes, and has a lot of freedom. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, or why he's like this?? HElp, I believe I really tried everything and I don't want him causing any more trouble than he's already caused.

Answer 1

You've tried everything EXCEPT the best thing in the world:

DISCIPLINE.

Answer 2

And people talk about the terrible twos!!

15 is a horrible age, not a child, not an adult, no money but lots of wants. Then there's hormones going mad. And girls.

You could try the hard handed approach, make him earn privileges like going out. Firstly, though, I think you should persevere with the talking. But, let him do the talking. It probably won't be to you. For parents, a grunt is War and Peace.

Is there an aunt or gran he could visit for a weekend or few days during the half term holidays? Often they will feel less like a child with a person who is a bit more at arms length. You may find there is a reason behind this behaviour that needs to be sorted out. My guess is that it will be female.

Failing that, he'll be 18 soon. Good luck

Answer 3

I believe that your son is trying to pull away from you and your husband to find his own way. If you remember the terrible twos he was trying to do that back then as well only this time the results of not disiplining him will forever change his and your lives (and not for the better). A good counselor may help him bring out why he is acting up but my guess is (and sorry to say this) that he has had more freedom than direction while growing up.

I think that the best thing to do at this point is set ground rules with consequences and then inforce the consequences! Set rules like homework first when he comes home from school. Why? because he is still in a learning mode... Let him play first then it will take him a lot longer to get back in that learning mode. Make sure to check his homework to make sure that he did it. You don't have to grade it just check it.

Make sure that you have dinner together as a family every night (or almost every night). Take time to go around the table and talk about each one's day... Start with yourself, then your husband then him... Ask questions about how he feels about something that happened to him that day. Talk to him about your frustrations like paying bills on time and problems and solutions about dealing with a difficult person that day.

Remember when you were his age... Old was someone around 25... Your parents were beyond old... He doesn't realize that the next 8 years will set up whether he is successful in the 50 + years that follow. Show him how to budget his money, invest in stocks and pay himself first (save).

Most of all communicate with him not dictate to him. Understand where he is coming from even if it is just seems like teenage angst. It is real to him! When asking a question that will bring out his feelings give him time to find the words to use to answer. It's ok if there are long periods of silence. Don't offer answers for him. Let him find the words to express himself.

Most of all tell him that you love him at every molment possible. And let him hear you tell your husband that you love him at as well. Never end a phone call without saying 'I love you!". Never say "Good Night" or "Good Bye" without following it with "I love you!" It may seem awkward at first but believe me, after a while he will be saying it back to you as well.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

I was a problem child at that age, so I know what you're going through. My parental situation was drastically changed once I actually got expelled from school for a semester. I had a bunch of freedom and my parents "talked" to me about my mistakes, but nothing really worked...until they decided to rule with an iron fist when it came to certain things. They found that they were better parents because they would actually get involved in my life...I hated it, but I feel like it helped now that I'm 27.

Here's the thing: Follow through with everything you do and say. If your son thinks he can get away with whatever he's doing wrong, then you're not getting through to him. Start taking away privileges, start taking away freedoms. My parents were cool about it too. They never yelled at me when I made a mistake. They just followed through with the rules they had applied. "Oh, you got suspended from school...well, you know that means: no more TV, no more going out, no more whatever" But the hardest thing, I imagine, is to FOLLOW THROUGH or he'll always think he can get away with not doing the right thing.

Answer 5

Your son is acting out for a reason.. Seek professional counseling for him.. The professional counselor can help your son figure out the reasons behind his acting out and help him find correct methods of conveying his feelings that do not lead to trouble..

Look into a more structured school most communities now have Charter Schools which can help kids in situations similar to your sons..

Instead of saying you have tried everything and throwing your hands up step away look at the problem from a different angle and try everything again...

Answer 6

I'm sorry you're having trouble with your son, maybe you're giving him too much freedom, since it is so severe right now you're going to have to really become a huge part of his life, you should pick him up, drop him off, know who his friends and their parents are, and just know every bit of what is going on in his life, get involved, if he likes basketball, take him to a game or watch T.V. with him, just anything to be involved. He's at a hard time in his life where he's deciding who he really is, and being there for him more than he wants is what he needs, he may not want it now, but he'll thank you when this phase passes.

Answer 7

I know exactly how you feel. Just went thru it and my son is serving time with the big boys! I can tell you that there should be an alternative school where you are. They deal with kids that have been kicked out or suspended from the Public Schools. There is more to it than just school per say. There is also help for your son,people willing to help and listen and even give you some options. They helped me out alot. They were a tremendous support and even though my son chose the wrong path, it wasn't because he did NOT have help. I have gone thru some rough years with my son and so my heart goes out to you!!!!

Answer 8

Ive been there.. The only thing that I can do is to echo the first posters. You have to take control which will mean taking away from him.
Ground him, take away telephone, computer, etc. and CHECK on him! Don't tell him to do something and then assume it's done. Check it out.
Same with no phone, computer, etc. Take it away and check up on it.
It will be tough on all for a while, but worth the struggle in the end.

Addendum:
I just read poster 'Cody'..some good ideas there. Try a surprise visit to his school. Take him to school then go to all his classes with him.
If he realizes that you are serious, he may straighten up.
Military school is also a good idea. They _will_ teach him discipline.

Answer 9

You cannot just GIVE a teen space and freedom. It has to be earned. Give him some responsibilities and chores. Let him know that the world is not his on a silver platter.
When my kids were young, I had them earn special things they wanted. Once my daughter wanted to get an expensive gift for a friend's birthday. She got it, but she scrubbed the fridge for it.
I have 2 wonderful adult children.They never gave me very much worry at all.

Answer 10

I think you've given him to much space. Take everything away from him (cell phone, tv, games, computer, everything). Then explain why your doing it. Tell him that if he starts straightening up and earning both your trust and respect back then he'll start getting his things back. I'd also look into a family counselor for him and for you guys so that you can work through this problem together.

Answer 11

if you take away his freedom while he is suspended then he wont see te point in getting suspended gain. i think alot of the time teenagers get suspended from school because hey will then have more freedom to do what they want hn they want but if you dont le him out untill his suspension is over then he wil see that by gettin suspended he ill gain nothin.
good luck and i ope this has been of help.