About three years ago, I was violated by a family friend, im 22 now and I think it still bothers me, to the point where its hard for me to be intimate with guys, but Im working on it. The problem is, my current bf doesnt seem to understand that im just not ready, he knows im not a virgin and ive tried to explain how i felt but he says we need to have sex. What do you guys think, is he right and should just get over it?
2006-10-10 09:39:47 · 42 answers · asked by SHE HATE ME 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
IM SORRY ABOUT what happened to u i hope u"ll heal fast
as4 ur bf does he only c sex when he lux at u?
my advice:get another guy u deserve better
2006-10-10 09:45:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is a true friend, than he will accept your boundaries and be willing to help you with them. Sex is not an end all in a relationship. You can find that anywhere on the net. Be clear with him why you don't want to have sex or at least have a hard time being intimate. It sounds like there are things that both of you need to work out. You need to try to get past the unfortunate past for you (I'm terribly sorry) and he needs to be more supportive. Talk to your boyfriend and see if you and he can't meet somewhere in the middle between having no sex and having sex. Some guidelines made by you and him might help both of you understand where the other is coming from and if you are compatible with each other. Good luck.
2006-10-10 09:46:02 · answer #2 · answered by Falcon Boy Toy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not at all. You should be able to take the time you need to get over something that traumatic for you. If you jump into it too quickly, you could end up making the psychological damage much worse, resulting in sex not being a pleasureable experience for you at all.
If he really cares about you, he should *want* you to be comfortable, no matter how high his sex drive is.
Have you ever seen a counselor or anything about your experience? Perhaps if your boyfriend knows you are being proactive and getting help, then he'll be more comfortable being patient because he will see that you are doing something, rather than just giving him an abstract concept of "someday I'll be comfortable".
2006-10-10 09:44:30 · answer #3 · answered by Emma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't scare guys off if anything it should help you both in the development in the relationship. If he can not understand that you have some things that you are uncomfortable with then maybe he's not the right one you need to be with right now.
I have dealt with females in the past with the same issues and I took the back seat on sex. I waited until they attacked me because I didn't want them to have flashbacks or anything of that sort come back.
You might want to give him one more talk and if he doesn't give a better response then you might have to tell him "peace out"
2006-10-10 09:54:14 · answer #4 · answered by DLB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you were violated by a family member that's really disturbing.Your boyfriend needs to be more understanding with your situation.Alot of people can be insensitive,but you do need to move on and put it in your past.You can't let that one thing stop you from getting close to people.You also shouldn't have sex if you really don't think your ready.If he really loves you he should be able to wait a little longer,but don't wait too long even love has it's waiting limit.
2006-10-10 09:48:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, No, No, you need to be sure that you are ready and not be pressured into anything. The last think you need to do is give into some pressure from your bf because he can not wait until you are ready. If you give in and get the same feelings that you did from the time you were violated, then you could ruin it for yourself and your future mate for ever. Do not give into the pressure and if he is not willing to wait, then you need to dump him for someone that will see you as some one that is worth waiting for. You deserve that much and if he can't wait, you need to let him go.
2006-10-10 09:46:53 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this guy cannot respect your feelings or your fears - and keeps insisting that you have sex with him, even though you are not ready to - then he needs to show himself to the door. Do not settle for this piece of slime! There are guys out there who will respect you - the WHOLE you - and if they respect you, they would not try and push you to do anything you weren't comfortable doing.
I've been in a very similar situation and I know how difficult it is. Your feelings are justified and he needs to RESPECT them - no matter what. What good is a realationship if there is no respect?
2006-10-10 09:43:37 · answer #7 · answered by Trishy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
haha, you're in all probability no longer intimidating. maximum adult men won't combat a woman no count how undesirable the argument is, for an analogous motives they gained't combat with a newborn, it incredibly is not any longer honest and may cause them to a pariah in the event that they ever did. And it incredibly is not any longer honest so which you are able to place that on the table. in certainty it incredibly is totally immature. in case you will no longer be able to speak approximately your issues like an grownup you in all probability shouldn't *be* courting to start. @reaction: once you're a small lady all the extra reason to no longer act like that. IF some jackass regrettably DOES attempt to combat you you will get your *** stomped and it is generally YOUR FAULT. think of lady!
2016-12-13 05:52:31 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's trying to force you to have sex even though you've told him you aren't ready, the problem is with HIM, not YOU!
Do you really even want to have sex with someone so selfish? Probably not. Even if you didn't have the trauma in your past, this guy doesn't deserve you or any decent woman. If he loved you, he'd be patient and trying to help you through your pain.
2006-10-10 09:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by skatoolaki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't want to regret it, and if he can't wait he is not worth it. Tell him that pressure is not going to make you want to do it any sooner.
If you love him and are holding back just because of the violation, you may want to talk to a counselor
2006-10-10 09:44:47 · answer #10 · answered by tightlies 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋