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What I mean by deadbeat dad is a "man" who not only chooses not to support their children financially, but are also absentee fathers as well. These are "men" who abandon their daughters and sons, and if they do have any contact with them, they show very little interest in being engaged in their childrens' lives. For the record, I am not a single mom, but the grown child of a "father" that never showed any interest in supporting me financially or emotionally. Why do SO MANY men do this to their own children and have no guilt about it?

2006-10-10 09:16:20 · 14 answers · asked by sadinLA 2 in Family & Relationships Family

I am not interested in debating the issue of child support or the other issue of women who have manipulated the fathers of their children. That is not the issue here. My mother never played any of those games with my father. She left him when I was a newborn because he beat the crap out of her every day and used drugs (still does). I am thirtysomething now and trying to understand why this kind of behavior in men is reaching pandemic proportions, which affect the lives of their children for THE REST of their lives.

2006-10-10 09:40:35 · update #1

14 answers

Because society teaches them that it's okay to do this. You don't want responsibility then leave. Marriage not working out, leave. Girlfriend not working out, leave. Job not working out, quit. School not working out, quit.

As soon as society starts insisting on values again, then people will have to take responsibility and live up to their commitments.

2006-10-10 09:18:59 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 3 1

This may sound unfair, but I think its men in general. Dont get me wrong, there are wonderful men, great husbands and fathers, the works. But I have been around the block and have know alot of men, some friends, some lovers, some relatives!
My experience is that men are thoughtless and self involved. They mean well and love their kids, but not more than they love themselves. This is why women are the ones who get to have the babies. If men had babies, abortion would be legal (I know its legal-but its up for debate), moral and paid for by the government. And the growth rate in our country would be negative and the population would have shrunk down to nothing.
Cause it hurts to have babies!

They have guilt, usually later in life.
All you can do is be the best mom you can and your kids will be better off with out a deadbeat dad!

Good luck!

2006-10-10 09:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by cici 5 · 0 0

I don't know but I'm in a situation that's very similar with my daughter.Me and my 10 yr old father just seperated after 12 years I'm 30 and he's 31.I seem to notice tht when our daughter call for him the new gf won't put him on the phone.She will tell my daughter oh your dad is asleep or she will just put the phone down and let my daughter hear her dad interact with her kids.This new girl has 3 boys that don't belong to my ex.So I guess the man get so caught-up in the new life and start to enjoy themselves they kinda 4get about what's really important.It's not you it's they're s h i t.They get caught up in this new life and sometimes even treat the new family better and don't have any intentions on evr dealing with th old family again.But it's they're loss.Don't know why they do it,don't know if we will ever know why.Just move on.

2006-10-10 09:23:44 · answer #3 · answered by dccuttie75 6 · 0 0

its not the child the man wants to forget. Its the woman. I too had to figure this out, until I became a man and had a child with a woman.

its very differnt when you can see first hand. I dont blame my dad because I know my mom, and hell, I would have been out of there also with what she is capable of. Women tend to run a man through the dirt so they cant live and pay child support only pay child support meanwhile she move son with her life with someone that has more money than you could every dream of yet she still wants your child support and will fight you for your rights

who wants that.

why isnt it manadatory from birth that a child spend equal time with both parents throughout their entire youth..its not written however it is written that children are entitled child support..

weird the way it all works.

I dont pay child support yet i dont have to. I see my daughter every other week however it was hard as you still have to see some other than the child that more than likly lied to you or showed just how fickle people are..its tough

2006-10-10 09:21:47 · answer #4 · answered by Xae 6 · 0 3

honey there called deadbeats for a reason but to tell you the truth I think it's better that the ones that show they don't care are a little better then the ones who dissaper from there childs life then come back and 'act' like they give a damn just to have power because there being honest about it, ( and I should know my bio dad dissapered from my live for 8 years and came back because he was getting married and wanted control he says he loves us and blames it on my mother but it's not her falut it's his andd if he loved us would he abuse us? more mental than anything but he does hit us sometimes ) I think the ones that don't act like they care are better then the ones that do

A 14 1/2 year old that understainds it all too much

2006-10-10 09:27:36 · answer #5 · answered by blood_shadow_walks 3 · 0 0

I am a single mother of two and had a father that was never around. From what I understood as my father put it to me that he was scared to be a dad. Now he regrets every moment of not being their for me. I'm not makining excuses for them. As for my children's father being a dead beat, it is better that he doesn't have contact with them. His problem is drugs and abuse, my kids don't need to be around it. I know that one day he's going to regret not being there for his kids, but that's his consequence for the choice he made. Have you thought that you might be better off without him, than to have him around. I don't know the answer but I know the out come in the end.

2006-10-10 09:26:27 · answer #6 · answered by foundiniraq 1 · 0 0

Lately these overgeneralizations really bother me. My wife left me years ago with 2 small kids (age 2 and 4 at the time). During the first couple of years, she saw them about once a year. She hasn't seen them at all, not even once, since 1993. She's never paid a dime.

Is she a deadbeat mom? How come we never hear about them? How come we never hear men on Yahoo Answers asking questions like "how come all women.....".

Please, let go of your hate, and recognize that most of us are just normal guys who abhor absentee parents as much as you do.

2006-10-10 09:34:39 · answer #7 · answered by Sheik Yerbouti 4 · 1 3

Not all these men lack guilty feelings about it. And you have to consider the unbalanced laws in many states that not only favor the mother's, but also put men in terrible positions.

Some states require child support to be x% of your total income. And often the men have to pay the support but are given limited or no visitation or custodial rights. Most divorce laws are drastically out of date and were written during a time when women didn't have the access or rights that they do today.

I'm not saying that men who disappear are all innocent or good people. But I do understand the extenuating circumstances that can exist that encourage men to flee the state and hide from their children not out of lack of love, but to avoid the horribly unjust laws that belittle their role as a father.

2006-10-10 09:35:53 · answer #8 · answered by misskate12001 6 · 0 4

Because they are total losers. Any man that does not support kids he knows about are losers. They try to hurt the mother and in turn hurt the kids. Someday when they wise up the kids will realize this and hate them for it

2006-10-10 09:19:20 · answer #9 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 2 0

These types of men if you can them that are LOSERS and they should have the pee-pees chopped off .But it also depends on the way women treat them(the men and their pee-pee's), but then again why should the children suffer. That is a big problem in society

2006-10-10 09:55:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1 0

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