Christian advice sought?

Question

well its jus that im having problems with my boyfreind, the thing is i dont know how to let go things havent been well between us ever since we starting nplanning about getting married and things have just been not so okay i tried to pray about it he is a christian aswell but what i dnt know is at first when i prayed about this i asked god to show meif he was meant to be mine and all was well all went clear and okay he introduced me to his mum oaky and the mum accepted me she is based outside the country.iv always talked to her she always gave me advice that kind of thing we get on well .but then we started having arguments ever since he hasnt had a stable job here he has just been too depressed about the way things had been.but this just made him another person you know.and i just got to the point i was questioning this relationship but i told myself if it was meant to be then with god nothing is impossible i kept praying then he did also to be continued

things at least where okay not completely but better but then other things started happening as well evrytime i asked to solve a problem another would **** from that and he kept saying i always blamed him for the wrongs but i was trying to do was suggest a better way to things if i back off he says im not being supportive etc .just things changed and atleast we agreed to put the marriage plans on hold for a while to cool off we have been getting on well until i just told him id had enough and id really got to the edge of things so i told him i was giving up on him well i dont blame him he tried to work things out with me but i just refused to listen but yes its true i was contemplating on ending the whole thing up coz it was becoming scary all these arguments some unecessary but well because of the hurt he felt he just gave up on begin me to take him back and we just started talking as normall freinds but all was fine but because i dint mention him and me getting back together

he took it serious and asked someone out which i dint know when i told him we had to sort things out and start afresh like what he had promised starting by fasting and prayer and all he told me it was too late hed found some one else coz he thougth there was no hope between us anymore and he had tried enough but i wouldnt listen. i just got hurt by the whole thing why he rushed but i know its my fault i made him do that but now im stuck i just dont know what to do im just so depressed and so down.ne blames me for lying to him that i found a new guy yes i said that but i just needed some space but i told him why i did it later.what should i do please help i love him but i dont want to hurt the other girl if he is saying the truth im stuck i cant just give up like that i know hurt him but i dint mean to.is he goind to change his mind coz he says he cant hurt the other girl it wont be fair to her..

christian advice only pliz and please or atleast proper answers.serious only

Answer 1

At the very least, if the two of you are considering marriage, you need to see a certified marriage counselor who can help you work through issues. Having said that, even though the two of you love each other, that doesn't mean that you are necessarily compatible as marriage partners. I was engaged to a girl when I was in college, and while I loved her dearly, things were not compatible between us to the point that marriage would have been a disaster. The first thing you need to do is step back and take a look at things from a distance, with a marriage counselor to help you see some of the things you might not see right now or might not know how to deal with. The most important thing is not to try to rush ANYTHING with regard to your relationship, but to take your time to work through things so that if the two of you do get married, you will do it right and not just do it fast.

Answer 2

I am NOT a marriage counselor but I have talked to many a young person who is wondering about this huge step in life. You can try this before you wed just to make sure that this person is the right one for you. The instruction are there for all of us to read in the letters to the Ephesians in chapter 5. You should read it and pray that God makes it clear.. Here is the highlights..
Are you ready and obey your man as you would our Lord? That is such a huge question and I understand that it's hard. You aren't ready or with the right man if you aren't. That isn't all, is he ready to give himself up for you as Christ did the church? Again that's a huge question, but he isn't then he again is not your man. You can have a life of sheer joy if you can both do this for each other. It's the kind of marriage Christ wants us all to have. A marriage is between three people you, your husband to be, and most important of all Jesus Christ. These are the things you must answer truthfully and so does your man. Don't marry because it's time, or the "right thing" to do. Next to your personal salvation it is the most important decision of your life... Jim

Answer 3

Perhaps you should both take a step back and reevaluate where you are going, what you want from life and marriage and see if you both see each other in that picture. Sometimes a little space is all that is needed in order to appreciate what you have. If he leaves you then it was never going to happen in the first place because he had doubts. If he can get his stuff together and comes back then you should be able to build an even stronger relationship than before. Do not call him everyday or expect him to call you everyday. Separate space means that. A time for you both to reflect apart from the other.

Answer 4

It sounds as though, as you said, the trouble started when marriage was put on the agenda. He doesn't sound ready for such a huge step. In fact, it sounds rather as though he was relieved to find an escape from the situation inasmuch as he was able to take up with another girl so quickly. Sometimes we feel so eager to get our own way that we don't really listen for God to make things clear to us, in which case God sometimes has to take rigorous steps to remove us from a situation which is outside His will and which therefore would make us unhappy. This is such a serious matter and you need time and space to think and pray it through. Be thankful that you have been given that time and space and wait to see what happens next. Don't rush, don't apply pressure. Read and ponder upon Isaiah 40 v. 38-41.

Answer 5

Now that he is with someone else, you have no say on his life. If he decides to give her up, make sure it's because he wants to, not because you gave him a hard time or cried a lot. It seems as though the enemy (satan) got into you both, remember he hates to see christians happy, and your marriage plans made him angry at you.....Next time, try getting counselling through your church before you call off the wedding. In the meantime, get your church to pray for you and hold you up through this. If you don't attend church, start going, it's Jesus' plan that we go and get fellowship.

Answer 6

My advice is do not marry him. I am dealing with my husband who has depression and drinks - it is very very unpleasant. He says he is a Christian but does not live it. Anyway, it is very hard and I don't want you to go through this. Please separate from him for a time - praying that God would lead you and give you wisdom. Please don't marry him though - your life will be so hard. God can make all thiings right though - I know this to be a fact - but sometimes it takes leaving and having a time of separation to really clear your head and let God work. Blessings to you and I will be praying for you.

Answer 7

Continue to seek the Lord in all you do, there are several verses in the Bible that talk about how effective prayer is. Have you tried praying together?

Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst."

Do as the Lord leads you both and that will make you truly happy!

Answer 8

Be patient. Know that worrying will just lead to further anxieties. Be willing to wait. He may need more time. Be gentle in your speech. Loving and kind.

And keep praying. But be sure to spend time listening. Don't constantly be asking and questioning. Spend time in His presense, quietly waiting on His word.

Answer 9

i dont think he is the one god has chosen for you as you would be at peace with your self contact me and ill be here for you to pray with or what ever xx sarah

Answer 10

Honey, it's a relationship question, and what I could gleem is you two fought, you took a break, and he found someone new? Right? MOve on. He's not worth it.