So, I recently started dating someone I vaguely knew in high school. We're both close to 40 now. I've never been married and she is recently divorced. We started talking on the phone and things have progressed very quickly. I haven't really had anything to distrust her about and I am thinking about marriage down the road. I know her past relationships have been rocky, due to her low self esteem and bad choices in men. She spent the last few years cleaning up her life and getting out on her own. She says that I'm different than any guy she ever knew before. Part of me wants to just go with it, but another part says "check out her past!".
What do you think?
2006-10-10 08:22:17 · 5 answers · asked by the_mojo_wire 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would. I know a person who has a pretty horrid past, but the woman he's living with now has no idea. She doesn't know he's left massive debts in 3 different countries. She doesn't know he defaulted on car loans and the repo man came calling. She doesn't know he has a history of abuse with 3 former wives. She doesn't know how many people he has used and burned and hurt financially. She doesn't know that if he came back here, he'd probably be arrested for outstanding warrants. She doesn't know about his sketchy job history, or how many times in 4 years he got fired (4). She doesn't know about the lawsuits against him or how he fled the country to avoid them. She doesn't know that he goes for women in other countries when he goes bust in the country he's living in.
I tried to warn her, but she called me a jealous B and she "loves" him because he's so "nice" and "charming" and "friendly"-- of course he is- how do you think he was able to swindle so many people??
Yeah, I'd do a background check, especially if you're doing a phone- long distance thing. These days, you really can't trust people, and "progressing very quickly" is a red flag. Sad but true.
2006-10-10 08:32:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this day and time I think you are a wise man. Someone may view you wanting to do a background check on a future prospect as thinking you can't trust her, but I say go for it. You never know. I'm the type that thinks I can deal with it if I know what's going on. Give me a choice in the matter. If you committed a crime, then let me be the judge of how I'm going to handle it in the relationship. 20 years down the road I don't want to find out that my husband or wife had a history of child molestation while we are running a child care center! It's a shame that we can't run sexual background checks on individuals. We can however, have all the necessary testing done on each other and wait for the outcomes before we decide to pursue the relationship further. She may require that a check be done on you, and if either of you have nothing to hide, go for it!
2006-10-10 08:32:08 · answer #2 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there is no reason to check out her past.
You already know that she has had some issues with the choices she made previously in her life. If you start digging you run the risk of losing her trust and also finding out things about her past that aren't part of who she is now.
If you are concerned about the possibility of divorce or being taken advantage of you could consider a prenuptial agreement.
However if these things really bother you then you should sit down and make sure you are making the right decision and that you are accepting her for who she is, and not worrying about who she was or has been with.
2006-10-10 08:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by Jeremy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not get two done...one on her and one on you. Give her yours after you tell her what you've done. Then if she still wants you to be a part of her life...
2006-10-10 08:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by IGH3Rat 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
whats wrong with just getting to know her a little more? just cause she had a bad chose in men doesn't make her a criminal does it?
2006-10-10 08:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by dark angle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋