Who picks the bridesmaids and MOH dresses?

Question

My wedding is not until next year, but I am having a problem with one of myu bridesmaids. I want all the dresses to be the same, as is traditional. She has insisted that she has never before heard of the bride picking out the bridesmaids dresses and has insisted that if she does't like what I pick out that she will not buy it or wear it!

Why would she do this? I can't believe her, I am so upset!

Answer 1

I have actually NEVER heard of the bridesmaids picking out their own dresses.

Please see the link that I have provided to Bliss Weddings to more resources. One of these links is the Bridesmaids Guidelines and I think that it is pretty clear that the bride is the one in control of the attire.

At the end of the day, I know that this girl is important to you, she must be or you wouldn't have asked her to be in the wedding. But, at the end of the day, she should respect that you are the bride and that all eyes are going to be on you that day and the most important thing for her to remember is that YOU are the one that should be happy about the wedding and you should have the decisions made that you want.

If she can't respect your decisions, stand behind you 100% (whether or not she likes it), then you should consider telling her that she is longer a part of the wedding party. If she has already told you that she won't buy the dress and/or wear it, then she doesn't deserve to be a part of your wedding -- at least from the stance of being part of the bridal party. Maybe she can do a reading to still be involved? Then she can where whatever she wants. : )

From experience, anyone that starts to ruffle the feathers this far in advance is probably going to be a problem throughout the course of the planning of the wedding and the actual wedding and you and your new Husband just don't deserve that.

Your wedding should be about the wishes of you and your fiance, not your bridesmaids. : )

Answer 2

The bride and MOH usually pick out a variety of dresses and then come back with all of the bridesmaids to try on the different styles. After all, bridesmaids aren't all built alike, so what may look great on one may not on another.

The bride should respect a bridesmaid's feelings, if the bridesmaid truly feels uncomfortable in a particular dress because they're overweight, too short, too tall, etc. At the same time (and most importantly), it is your wedding so don't let this bridesmaid run over you. She should also respect you and be willing to discuss the matter. There are so many different styles out there that the chances are good there'll be a dress that everyone can wear.

In my brother's wedding, the bride's sister (MOH) was a little heavier than the other bridesmaids. We were all wearing Jim Helm halter dresses, and fortunately this line had designed a similar dress with shoulder straps instead, which flattered the MOH's figure. So technically, we were all wearing the same dress.

Answer 3

A lot of brides today allow their attendants to choose the dress, and just give them color guidelines to follow, or they choose the style and allow the women to pick the colors. So it's possible that she has been to other weddings where the women got to pick their own dresses.
However, you are right about traditional weddings having all the attendants in the same or similar dress. Maybe the MOH gets a different color or something, but all the maids just get stuck with whatever the bride picks.
Since the wedding is far enough off, tell her that she can either live with your choice, or step down as a maid. She's being selfish and, frankly, stupid. This is not her day to shine, nor is it her chance to look great. A wedding is about the bride and groom, and the union of the two people (and their families.) It's not about any of the guests or attendants. You shouldn't have to compromise what you want just to make her happy. Nor should you allow her to dictite the attire for the entire party since you would like all the dresses to be the same. If she can't live with it, then too bad for her. She can just come as a guest, and you can find another woman to take her place.

Answer 4

Un-invite her to be a bridesmaid.

I'm serious. Brides are ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS the ones who pick out the dresses because the wedding is THEIRS. If she can't handle that, kick her out of the wedding party. She's being ridiculous.

The bridesmaid and MOH get some say in the dresses, of course, because they're the ones who have to buy and wear them. The MOH can help pick out the dresses, but the bride makes the final decision.

Don't let her walk all over you. She's not worth it. If she's going to cause this much trouble this far in advance, you'll be better off not having her in the wedding party. You can do better, and you deserve better bridesmaids. Tell her this: "Fine. You're no longer a bridesmaid, so you don't have to worry about it anymore. Talk to you later. Bye."

Answer 5

Don't be a bridezilla. You cannot demand that your friend pay a lot of money for a dress she hates, won't look good on her, and is an ugly color.

I know that many brides choose the bridesmaids dresses, though I have never actually seen this done. My bridesmaids picked the bridesmaid dresses. At the very least, you should take her likes and dislikes to heart.

If you are dead-set on a particular dress and she won't buy it, then she isn't a bridesmaid anymore.

And there is no reason for the bridesmaid dresses to all be the same. A solution is to go with the separates dresses at Alfred Angelo or David's Bridal. Have them all wear the same bottom, but let them pick their own top.

Answer 6

Sweetie, you have ever right to be upset. ITS YOUR WEDDING!! I don't know what crack your so called friend/bridesmaid is smoking, but it is ALWAYS the bride who picks out the bridesmaid dresses, again the reasoning being ITS YOUR WEDDING! My bridesmaid gave me some suggestions and idea's and helped, but I was the one to make the final decision on what they wore, the color, style and everything-from shoes, to jewelry, to hair and makeup.
As far as the MOH dress, my mother picked and tried on several that she was comfortable with and I picked my favorite.
I can't believe how rude and horrible she is being. If I were you I would give her one more chance, if she is still not willing to budge tell her she is no longer a bridesmaid. You don't need any added stress and if she is fighting you over the bridesmaid dress she will prob wear 1 time, then lord only knows what else she will do. I just can't believe what a horrible person and bad friend she is being.
If you like, you can show her info about it on theknot.com or even take her to a bridal store and ask a sales clerk right in front of her. Embarrass her, she deserves more for being so ugly and putting a damper on your event.
All my best and good luck to you. It will be okay. Just take a big breather.

Answer 7

The bride has the final say in picking the dress, especially if she has alot of bridesmaids or they are scattered around the country and can't all get together. That being said, it is nice if the bride takes into consideration the wishes of her girls and/or takes her hardest to fit maid to look for dresses. I say pick out a gown and if the girl won't wear it, who cares, one less bridesmaid to to deal with. Don't let your wedding be hijacked by a high maintenance bridesmaid, I have heard of more than one wedding where the bride is in tears over this.

PS - A considerate bride does not pick out dresses that cost over $175, especially considering that the maids will never wear the dress again. I don't care what they tell you, they will never wear the dress again. The last two weddings I was in the dresses cost over $250, which is ridiculous. I have never worn either dress and both of them are ugly. Talk about rude brides.

Answer 8

It all goes back to the saying that i am sure everyone will tell you. IT IS YOUR DAY. you do what you want pick out what you want. No one should tell you what they are or are not going to wear.

I took my bridesmaids with me when i picked out their dresses and let them choose the style that looked the best on all of them. All of the dresses are the same except the MOH has a different color.

I was recently in a wedding and hated the dress but i wore it and everything went fine. The bride knew we didn't like them but it was her choice so we grinned and bared it and got through the evening with out any problems.

If she wants o be this way cut her from the wedding. I am sure there is someone else who would be honored to be in your wedding and wear what you pick.

Have fun, Good Luck, and Congragulations

Answer 9

First, off, this bridesmaid of yours is being a total b****. She is adding stress to what is an already stressful time for you. The purpose of bridesmaids is to help the bride alleviate the stress of the wedding day! It is traditional and proper for the bride to choose the dresses for all of her attendants. Some brides are taking a more modern twist and giving the bridesmaids a color or color palate and say buy a dress that you'll wear again. But, it is perfectly acceptable to want all of your bridesmaids to wear the same dress and to have that dress be chosen by the bride. Some brides bring their bridesmaids shopping to help choose the dresses so the bridesmaids get input about the dress that they will be spending upwards of $150 on, but it is not unreasonable to choose the dress. This bridesmaid has to learn that the day is not about her or what she looks like--it is about YOU (and your fiance, of course, but mostly you! :) ). You are the one who has to look at these pictures forever, and you are probably only planning to get married once, so the day should be done your way!

Basically, you have two options here. You can either offer for the rude bridesmaid to come shopping with you and help you pick out the dress or you can tell her that you don't need someone who is going to make your day more stressful in your wedding party and that you thank her for accepting the position, but you are rescinding your offer. That's a decision that only you can make, though.

But, honestly--if she behaves like this--whatever her motive (jealousy, selfishness, just plain thickheaded and rude), you won't likely be friends with her for long. For example, my very good friend got married over 6 years ago. I was in the wedding party. One of the bridesmaids was really jealous that the bride (who was 2 years youger than the bridesmaid) got married first and literally stopped talking to the bride after the wedding. (They were very close friends.) Now, whenever my friend looks at her wedding pictures she sees this person that she is no longer friends with who held a very special role in her wedding. You should be sure that your bridesmaids are people that you will still be close to and still talk to in years to come, so you don't look at your pictures and regret having someone in your wedding! It seems like this bridesmaid may be someone you'd regret in the future.

Anyway, good luck with her and you are totally not out of line in asking her to wear what you want her to wear. She is the one who's out of line!

Answer 10

Well it is your wedding but she also has to pay for the dress. I had 5 bridesmaids and that is really hard to get everybody together. I had one girl that was out of state so when she came up I had her, my MOH and my sister go (so two of my bridesmaids and my MOH) and we picked out the dresses together. I told the girls that they are the ones that had to wear them but I picked the colors and that I had to look and them and that I had final choice. But there were two that I really liked so I let them pick because they had to pay and there was a price difference. If you tell her that you are picking it out and that she just has to wear what you pick and pay for it she might say then find somebody else because yes it is your day but what you have to remember is that you are asking this person to but a lot of money into your special day as well. It is pretty costly!!! So, give them so options that you like and that she likes and choose together but don't let her run you down and say no I don't like anything, if that is the case then she shouldn't be in your wedding!

In your case I would tell your bridesmaid that you understand that she has to pay for it and that you want to work with that, but at the same time it is your wedding and you would like to pick it out together. So, go together to pick out the dress. Then before you go shopping, go on the internet and find some dresses online that you really like and print them out and show them to her so she kind of knows what you are looking for. This way she is not shocked by your choice in dress, you will all be on the same page.

I hope this helps you out a little bit. Good luck and Congratulations