i have feelings for someone that is alot older than me but people keep telling me that its not right, im too young to understand and that when im older ill know what they are talking about. Im over 18. can you help me understand why i shouldnt get involved with them?
2006-10-10 07:43:33 · 16 answers · asked by Janice 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's just not likely to work if there is a great difference in age, because your interests, maturity level, energy level, etc. are going to be very different and that can get in the way of decisions couples make, like vacations, level of intimate activity, whether to have kids, what to do on weekends, things like that. People vary in their opinions on what age difference is too much, but if a lot of people are telling you the same thing, that's a big alarm.
2006-10-10 07:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by LisaT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with you becoming involved with someone that is quite a bit older than yourself as long as you are over 18, and go into the relationship with your eyes open. Many people may say you are looking for a father figure, so stop and think about that also. The one draw back could be if he has children your age or older, and if he has allot of money. If you can answer yes to ether of these questions then you both need to sit down and talk, draw up legal papers before anything serious happens. I know I went-the other way and went with a man quite a bit younger than myself and it didn't last. He couldn't take the pressure put on him by my children and family.
2006-10-10 14:53:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would help to have more information about this situation, but I'll give it a shot with what you've provided. I think and believe that as long as you're over the age of 18 (or whatever the age of majority is in your area) and you truly have feelings for this person, you shouldn't let others dictate to you who you should or should not care about or get involved with. I've known people who are very different age-wise who do quite well together. It's not the differences in our ages, skin color, backgrounds, etc. that make or break a relationship, it's what you have in common and what you can continue to bring to the relationship that matters.
Good luck and God bless!
2006-10-10 14:49:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not one to talk about age differences in a relationship, as long as the woman is 25 or over. Any woman younger than that, involved with a much older guy = huge mistake.
Believe what people are telling you.
2006-10-10 14:46:56 · answer #4 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It complicates relationships, which are already complicated enough. I have nothing against an older partner, whether the female is older or the male. If you're really young, make a list of the things you think you might miss if you hook up with this person, and the things you think you might gain. I am not talking about material items.
2006-10-10 14:48:55 · answer #5 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Significant age differences between partners can cause serious problems in relationships. The word "significant" is important here: If your partner is four or five years older or younger, it won’t make much of a difference. however, if your partner is ten or more years older or younger than you, it can cause difficulties depending on your ages and other aspects of your personalities.
Age differences mean less as both partners get older. For instance, a fifteen-year age difference between a thirty-five year old man and a twenty-year old woman will probably create more potential hazards than that age span in a sixty-five year old man and a fifty-year old woman. The age difference will affect the first couple more, since their maturity and experience levels are usually much more dissimilar than the second couple’s.
If your mate is much older than you are, he is probably more successful, experienced and financially secure. This may influence you into unconsciously feeling your partner is "better" than you are, and tempt you to idealize him rather than see him for who he really is. When you allow yourself to feel less than because of your mate's chronological advantage, you give up your power. You take his advice rather than trusting your own; you blindly believe his criticisms of you rather than questioning whether or not he's correct; you invalidate your own needs and feelings out of deference to your partner. You tell yourself:
"He's the one who's paying for it, so we'll do it his way."
"I'm sure he knows what he's doing. After all, look how successful he is."
"He knows much more about these things than I do because he's older.
2006-10-10 14:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How much older?...10? 20 years?...I think you shouldn't rush on things at first...take your time and give the relationship time to grow and for you to really get to know each other. Maybe in the way you will understand what the others are talking about...or maybe you will prove them wrong! Who knows!!...just be careful and take care of you!
2006-10-10 14:47:08 · answer #7 · answered by There! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i cant tell you why you shouldn't but you need to trust your heart. I had to go through the same thing a couple of years ago and the older guy is now my husband for over a year.
2006-10-10 14:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by beth_6953 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are over 18 so you are legal, but keep in mind that these people love you and only want what is best for you. If you continue with this man (and I think you will) just try to go slow, so your family/friends can see that he is an OK guy.
2006-10-10 14:46:10 · answer #9 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to someone 17 years older. They are dealing with thing that you will miss out on by going out with them. It is like you a piece of candy and they're not. But, if it is just security and them thinking for you that your looking for go for it.
2006-10-10 14:49:13 · answer #10 · answered by Marianne N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋