I have this guy that iv been with for a few years... i dont want to get all into our busness to much, i just was woundering if anybody would know how i can eather leave him nicelly or a nice way to tell him "hey look your not providing for me and my son, so you need to step it up a notch?" ,...lol i really dont know how to ask this question right i just need help... i love him, but dont want to be with him... there thats better..... ok so any idea what i should do?.. and please if your just ganna be a smart a** then just dont answer this question please just go to the next one... Thanks
2006-10-10 07:40:29 · 10 answers · asked by Just me... 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ok he is the father of my son "Eyes Of Green" so thanks for nothing with your answer... but as i was saying yes he is the father, he works, but not a good job he never gets payed when he tells me hes sapose to, and when he does there is never as much money as there was time that he was gone for "work", I would have a job BELEAVE ME I LOVE TO WORK!!! but since i dont have family on my side to help me out and his side of his family all have something wronge with them and i will never leave my son with any of them, i dont have a sitter or anyone i can trust to at least get a part time job... I want to work, i just cant till i eather change thigs with a 360 or i leave my son in the hands of morons...and hes not being left with morons...
2006-10-10 08:29:59 · update #1
perhaps u can talk to him, calmly (not accusatory!), about what your expectations from yourself as a girlfriend, future wife, and mother. then, what your expectations in a boyfriend and future husband/father are. and u can state the facts, that it feels and looks like he is just not fitting into what you need and want in your life...is he interested in staying? then please let's come up w/ some different ways to change our current situation. if he doesn't want to listen, does'nt want to change, acts rude or mean to you, that is the PERFECT reason to Get Out of the relationship! in fact, i'd just be like, look at how you're acting..no wonder i'm starting to feel like u don't have the right attitude towards me.
but if he shows that he's willing to learn, and change something, or at least that he's trying, than u will be better able to see and encourage each other.... u know? it all depends on how he sees the situation.. he may be just comfortalbe, thinking everything's fine.. or he may be HOPING that u don't bring anything up cuz he's Lazy!! that would suck, and that is NOT the kidn of guy u want right? =T don't keep everything in, and suck it all up..that is not a Relationship, nor a good family environment for ur kid. teach him how to stand on his own two feet, and do MORE than the "minimum" to take care of you.... good luck.
2006-10-10 07:45:49 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
*REVISED SEE END* You did leave out a key point - is it YOUR child or both of yours. If you are both the parents of the child then you DO need to point it out to him that he is BOTH of your responsibility. And he does need to step up to it. Whether you want to be with him or not. If the child is yours with another man then technically he's not his responsibility but yours & the other guys therefore it's the current boyfriends choice to help provide for him or not. Your obligation & responsibility is just that YOURS. You just have to strong and set a good example for your son so he learns what it is to be a parent.**** Well then with that clarified. You definately need to explain to that guy what is expected for your sons sake. As for you - don't ever rely on a guy to take care of you. You do need to make some decisions for you & your son. Obviously your smart enought to take care of him if you can see the father is a lost cause. It will be hard at first but it will get easier as time goes by. Most counties have programs to help you succeed by providing you with reliable child care & training if needed. If you don't trust somebody with your child DON'T leave him ther - family or not. You are the one person that your son can rely on. You will find a man to love you & your son. As for his father well he's not your problem - you need to worry about your son & your self.
2006-10-10 08:10:03 · answer #2 · answered by tygernside 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking about him ... start thinking about yourself and your son .. if you're not happy with him then do something about it ... talk to him ... let him know you don't feel secure enough about your relationship and where it's going and you want more for your son ... be honest but blunt ... give him suggestions on what to change or what you want ... if he still can't pull through or he isn't willing to change then tell him flat out he's not what you were looking for .. and things aren't working out ... period ... move on and find that person that will make you and your son the happiest ... that's what I did ... you just have to suck it up and make life changing decisions ... it left me being a single parent for 3 years ... but if it wasn't for that I wouldn't have found my man today ... !
2006-10-10 07:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont want to be with him then you need to let him know, but let me ask you this, Will it be easier to provide for your son without him? Is this HIS child as well? The bottom line is this, there is no nice way to tell someone that they arent living up to your expectations. Talk to him in a calm rational understanding manner and let him know it is not working for you.
2006-10-10 07:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honest communication- tell him exactly what you expect and need from him. I don't know what you mean by "step it up a notch" so you probably need to explain it to him clearly.
Give him a month to see if he can handle it. If he can't, he can't. You're allowed to love someone and not be with him-- life takes more than love to survive.
2006-10-10 07:44:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why should he take care of you and your son? If you are so willing to leave that means that you can fend for yourself and your child. Some men do not feel it necessary to take care of others children.
2006-10-10 07:59:42 · answer #6 · answered by Eyes of Green 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottom line is you don't want to be with him, period. Tell him it hasn't worked out for you. No need to get into a debate.
2006-10-10 07:45:10 · answer #7 · answered by beez 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to let you know, he's no good. dump him, is my advice. the one for you will come along. in the meantime, it's not worth it to live with a piece of trash just to get by. don't settle for medial...settle at grandiose.
2006-10-10 07:44:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
,ive him a wake up call . tell him how you feel then if nothing changes dump him
2006-10-10 07:45:34 · answer #9 · answered by lizella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drop him.
2006-10-10 07:42:06 · answer #10 · answered by Gina Smile 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋