My fiance and I have been together for 4yrs, and r set to get married in 5mths. He cheated on me for 2yrs with his ex & has always had a lot of women he talks to that I don't know or feel comfortable about. he always turns off his phone when we are together and i keep seeing that he spends hours on the phone (late at night) with women I don't know. We live apart and he travels a lot. He says he's sorry but I can hardly trust him again. Besides these contacts he has with women that gives me sinking feeling in my gut, he's so nice and caring to me and my family. I'm so confused and feel like I'm drowning. Help!!!
2006-10-10 07:29:48 · 24 answers · asked by sweetginger 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
What the hell are you thinking? Run!!
2006-10-10 07:32:13 · answer #1 · answered by Wahrsuul 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Two things:
1. You feel you have a big problem with his behavior
2. He is unlikely to change
Knowing this, ask yourself: Can you handle this particular problem for as long as you guys are together (which, if you do get married, could potentially be an awfully long time)? If you don't think you can accept this part of him long-term - DO NOT get married. It would be the biggest mistake to think that simply because you are married, this issue will somehow go away. He had made it clear he's not willing to change, not even for you; now it's your turn to decide whether you accept these terms.
Not all guys are like him. There are plenty of respectful decent guys out there. If trust and respect are important to you in a relationship - then keep looking for the right person, don't compromise on such a crucial issue.
2006-10-10 07:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should seriously sit down and think about that positive things and the negative things this relationship has. It sounds like to me it has more negative than positive. It also sounds like he just wants you so he will have someone to come home to when he wants to, because he knows you will be there for him. But while he is out with other women who you know nothing of. Even if he did cheat on you, and you forgave him. You need to put that in the past and move on. Trust him since you forgave him the first time, but if you cant then break things off for sure. You can find someone alot better to be with. Good Luck!
2006-10-10 07:40:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that red flags are waving in your face. Should you get married to someone when you are not 100% sure he is right for you? I think you know the answer but in case you dont, NO. My first marriage lasted less than a year and I was unsure about the marriage from the start. Pay attention to that little voice inside your head, he is no good for you and you need to move on, it will be alot less painfull then going thru with the marriage only to have him cheat on you, trust me, been there done that.
2006-10-10 07:34:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well a men that travels a lot you can be sure he gets around a lot too. If his doing that now is only going to get worst. The gut feeling your getting is because you know deep down that the best thing for you is to let go. You don't need a man like that. Your only hurting yourself by going throw with the wedding.
2006-10-10 07:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by dodgergirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't seem like very good husband material if he's cheated on you for 2 YEARS already, talks to many other women, travels a lot and you can't trust him. Is he really going to make you feel loved, honored and cherished? Do you think he will really understand wedding vows? Trust your gut, because you can't trust him. His actions don't match his words and if he was screwing his ex for 2 years, while lying to you the entire time, he's a loser you don't need.
2006-10-10 07:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok...the dating and engagement time is the critical "test" so to speak, of HOW your marriage is going to be.
is he proving to you, Before the ceremony, that he will do what it takes to keep you Happy, Safe, Secure, Positive, and Help you to become Better Woman? =T
if not, then u need to SERIOUSLY consider what kind of man you WANT to marry, spend the rest of your life with. i'm talking expectations of a future husband. if he doesn't meet the Minimum, or Better than that, you are in for a ROUGH time... and i think u know it, that is why u have a sinking feeling...!!!!
don't get married until you are 110% sure that this is the man u can Trust, Honor and Respect with all of your heart. think of it this way... he needs to treat his wife with honor, committment, respect, security.... if he can't do that for you, why are you settling? LET him go, so he can find someone who will make him want to do that....and Let him go, so YOU can find someone who will Treat You Right, so you have NO qualms of marriage!!!
you need to be Free to love and honor this person, not fear that he may cheat and leave you! that is NOT what marriage is about. good luck, and truly seek waht is Healthy, Positive and GOOD in your life...just cuz he is nice to the family and you on the outside doesn't mean he will make a good husband.
2006-10-10 07:41:07 · answer #7 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he cheated on you before, what's saying that he isn't now. A traveling man usually has a girl in every state. I'd leave while the going is good. If you don't trust him, then how can you have a relationship?
2006-10-10 07:40:45 · answer #8 · answered by nevada nomad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's exactly what he wants, my dear. To have you feeling like you're drowning.
He has the situation exactly how he wants it. You in love with him, always there for him, while he screws around physically and emotionally.
But what he doesn't know is, that sinking feeling in your gut is your gut telling you to GET OUT NOW. It's your common sense trying to tell you something.
Of course he's being sweet to you and your family. If he wasn't, he knows you'd dump him.
Run, baby girl. Run like hell.
2006-10-10 07:37:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ade 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you think he's cheating it's not a good idea to go thru with the wedding. TRUST is first in a relationship. If you don't have that then you don't have the right foundation to build a loving marriage on.
2006-10-10 07:36:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, he's still cheating on you. He may not be doing it with his ex, but he is with someone else or others, meaning many. You have your health to consider as well as your emotional well being. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you have a 'gut feeling' about?
2006-10-10 07:52:36 · answer #11 · answered by FaerieWhings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋