My fiancé and I are getting married next weekend and his father just told us today they would not have the funds in time to help with his part of the costs. So, this means no rehearsal dinner and either my fiancé and I or my parents will have to come up with the money for his tux and the flowers. I gave his parents the opportunity to tell us a month ago if they couldn't come up with the money in time. Also, his parents paid for his brothers entire wedding three years ago. Anytime it comes to me and my fiancé his family thinks my parents should pay for everything. Is it wrong of me to be upset with his parents? I have enough stuff to worry about for the wedding and now I have this to worry about too. If I tell my parents that his family is not helping out financially, they are going to go through the roof! Any advice on how I should handle this situation?
Oh... and his family is about 75 percent of the guest invited to the wedding.
2006-10-10 07:23:42 · 23 answers · asked by Pren 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His family doesn't seem to have any objections to us getting married. They just want my parents to pay for it all.
2006-10-10 07:24:45 · update #1
They told us a month or two ago they would help out. It is not so much they don't want to help financially... it's the fact they waited until two weeks before the wedding to tell us!!!
2006-10-10 07:32:38 · update #2
Uh... We can't elope now. Our wedding is NEXT weekend! My parents have already paid for the wedding. His parents are not paying for the parts that are traditionally theirs to pay for (groom's tux, boutonnieres and corsages (for his family), rehearsal dinner and my bouquet ). It is not fair to ask my parents to pay for this stuff too and it's not fair they dumped the burden on us last minute. The flowers have already been ordered... someone has to pay for them now.
2006-10-10 08:18:44 · update #3
Chris H. - I made it very clear to his parents that if they could not afford to pay for the very few things they were supposed to pay for to let me know right then so I could make other arangements.
2006-10-10 08:23:24 · update #4
Also Chris, we are having a very small wedding and reception. My parents wanted to pay for their part. My bride's maid only paid forty dollars for their dresses, my flower girl is wearing a dress she already had, my brother is a D.J. and doing all the music and my fiancé's grandmother is making our cake. I have done all of the decorations myself. I have saved my family and his (if they were paying) tons of money. So before you pass judgment on someone you need to know all the facts first!!!
2006-10-10 08:31:14 · update #5
Nanny - What part of my parents wanted to do their part did you not understand? My budget is and was set, thank you very much! His parents backed out only one week before my wedding!!! My fiancé and I are and have paid for parts of our wedding. Now we have to pay for his parents part as well. We would have just gone to the JP but BOTH of our parents were insistent on a wedding. Read everything before you answer!!!
2006-10-11 03:42:45 · update #6
I think it was insensitive for his father to tell you a week before your wedding, considering you asked him a month ago. I would rearrange your wedding rehearsal dinner and host it yourself at a relatives (or even your own) house. Throw an informal bbq (nowhere is it written in stone you have to do it fancy.) with those who are invited.
As far as the tux- i am unsure if you mean your hubby's or the fathers- if it your hubbys, then you pay for it, if it is his dads- i wouldnt think twice about it.
Dont be worried about what they can or cannot do, because inevitably it will drive you bonkers. Just try and have the best day of your life!
2006-10-10 07:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by glorymomof3 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're basically screwed, you have no choice but to tell your parents. What were you thinking giving his side 75% of the guest list? You can't get back any of your deposits it's too close to the wedding. I don't know why they didn't tell you when you asked last month about the money, you can be upset but it's not going to do you any good. Your fiance can wear a suit he already has since there's no money for a tux. I don't know what to tell you about the rest of it. You already are doing this wedding on a small budget.
2006-10-10 15:37:23 · answer #2 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then you will have to cut on the expenses and the guest list.
You don;t want to start a family feud over this. You cannot tell then how to spend their cash, specially after paying for another wedding just three years ago. Be understanding and handle things like the lady that you are.
Getting mad at them or at your fiance is not going to help you. Perhaps, they don't have the money and you should be able to accept that.
Tell them then you are being forced to cut back on their guest list. Have a bouquet made professionally for you, and have a single flower for the brides maids, or a bouquet made by you.
Cut back on church flower decorations, nobody remembers them anyway.
Congratulations and good luck
2006-10-10 15:11:47 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a similar situation…only I was at the other end of it all. My son married a girl who couldn't pay a cent for the wedding not even for her wedding gown. Her mother was against the wedding, and probably didn't have the cash to pay anyway.
My husband and I decided to give our son a sum of money. Out of this they bought their clothes, dinner and everything else that went with it. It wasn't such an enormous sum, so they had to figure it out for themselves how to make ends meet. It worked out beautifully. They had the responsibility of organizing and budgeting, and we did what we could to make their day special.
My own wedding was very simple, only 30 guests…and it was one of the most romantic weddings ever.
There are ways: rent a tux, borrow a wedding dress…and invite only those that really mean something to you. It's not the size of the wedding that matters; it's the atmosphere and how much effort your guests put into it.
It's your day and your money, so you have the say as to who will be invited. The parents will have to take it or leave it. Stick to your guns.
Have a wonderful day and start to a loving marriage. Bless you dear, everything will be all right.
2006-10-10 14:46:01 · answer #4 · answered by bluebyou 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Where im from, weddings are like huge paydays for the bride and groom. Maybe you can get a loan to cover the expenses, then pay it off with gift money. It's a bad situation, just remember when it's all said and done, it's important to have good relations with the inlaws. Don't let money ruin that. Sometimes you women get so wrapped up on having a beautiful wedding, that you lose focus on whats realy important. If you can pull it off without there help, maybe they'll decide to reimburs you the money. Good Luck!
2006-10-10 15:12:49 · answer #5 · answered by T,Lincoln 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What they did was really not right. To wait until the last minute shows an extreme lack of respect for you and your family, ntot o mention their own son!
I would be upset as well. But you also need to remember that these people are becoming your family now too. In order to avoid an all out mass wedding riot I would sit down and ask his parents if they are able to come up with some money - maybe not all of it - but just a portion. Then try to pitch in with your fiance' and ask your parents to help as well. Unfortunately when you get down to this late in the process it becomes so stressful.
It's unfortunate that they decided to handle things this way but now it's up to you to be the better person and just correct the situation.
2006-10-10 15:08:16 · answer #6 · answered by OohLaLa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you assumed that they would be helping out, and then they told you that they weren't, you shouldn't be upset. They don't have to give you or your fiance any money for your wedding (neither do your parents), but it's nice if they do.
If, however, they told you that they'd help and then backed out at the last minute, I'd be upset. But don't be too upset...they might have financial hardships (like recovering from the brother's wedding) that you and your fiance aren't aware of. I'm sure they'd help if they could.
You either need to come up with these funds yourself, or tell your parents. The tux, flowers, and rehearsal dinner won't cost that much, at least in comparision to the rest of it. You can use credit cards to pay for all three of these things, too.
2006-10-10 14:28:35 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow! I would be very upset. That's not something you pull just one week before the wedding. Unfortunately, hindsight is 20/20 but you should have collected the cash a few weeks ago so you knew the money would be there for the payments.
There is not much you can do right now. It looks like you'll have to find a way to pay for everything. OR... let his family know that you can't afford to pay for HIS FAMILY to attend the rehearsal dinner. That's not right. They should never have done that to you and your fiance. Your fiance must be so embarrassed right now.
Sorry this happened to you :(
2006-10-10 14:30:44 · answer #8 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Traditionally, it's the Bride's family/father who foots it. The groom's helps in another way like the vacation or something. That's why daughters cost more then sons do. Not being a pig here, just passing on as I've always know it to be. Why not just elope and put the money into your new home or paying off any old debt. The fairytale wedding is nice and all. But not if you start off your marriage with struggle. Me? I'd rather be realistic about it and use the money where it's needed instead of on photos, booze and cake.
2006-10-10 14:34:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I completely understand why you'd be upset. I think you should talk to you fiance about these money matters - maybe he can get a dialogue going with his parents. Otherwise, you're just going to have to find another way to cover these costs. You can't make his family pay up, and while it's unfair that they paid for his brother to get married, you can't help it and neither can your fiance. Also, talk to your parents - maybe some of your other (his and yours) relatives or friends could chip in to paying for the wedding? Is a bank loan a possibility? In any case, the day itself isn't as important as the rest of your life together is! Congratulations and good luck!
2006-10-10 14:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by Jemma 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋