I've had a friend that I've become close to over the last few years. She started off giving me gifts for my birthday and Christmas, every year since we met, so I did the same. We live close and didn't have any sort of fight, but lately she has been more distant except for a few emails here and there. She actually did email me on my birthday, but it was about something else altogether and she didn't even mention my birthday. I cannot believe she forgot because hers is in the same month.
Should I ask her why she didn't even acknowledge my birthday and why she's been acting so aloof? I don't know if I should now mention her birthday at all...it's very awkward.
2006-10-10 07:14:25 · 17 answers · asked by melanie 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I would talk to her, but not solely to mention the birthday oversight. Instead, I would probably say, "It seems like you have been distracted lately or like something has been on your mind, do you want to talk about it? Is there anything I can do? I consider you a dear friend and want to be there for you." Then make sure you send her a nice card on her birthday (no gift required). Maybe she is having financial troubles and didn't get you a gift for that reason and instead of talking about it, she has just been distancing herself. You never know what is going on with a person. For now, I would just forgive and forget the birthday oversight, but still do something - like the card or a nice e-mail/e-card - for her birthday. She might even say, "oh how nice of you to remember ... I am so sorry that I missed yours!"
Good luck to you.
2006-10-10 07:54:51 · answer #1 · answered by J.Z. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's a hard thing for us to accept sometimes, but the world doesn't revolve around us individually. She probably just simply forgot your birthday even if her's is the same month...it happens. You shouldn't withhold birthday wishes from her just because she didn't acknowledge your birthday, that would be petty and childish. But, it would be a good time to end the exchange of gifts if you want to, just send a card or call her. As for her being aloof, maybe she has other things going on and just doesn't have time to get together like she used to. If you really want to know, ask her. But only about the friendship issues, not the birthday.
2006-10-10 14:30:11 · answer #2 · answered by Tallulah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would send her an e-mail mentioning something about a present someone gave you. She may just have forgotten if she has alot going on right now, which it sounds like she may have if she hasn't been contacting you as much lately. I know I have forgotten my best friends birthday a couple of times because I have had so much going on. She usually just IM's me and says don't you have anything to say to me TODAY I usually just say oh sorry I forgot Happy Birthday and I explain why I have forgotten. I have even forgotten my own birthday by accident LOL. If you send her an e-mail about someone else acknowledging your birthday it gives her an out if she just forgot by accident. If you confront her on it she may feel insulted that you didn't take everything going on in her life into consideration. If she still doesn't say anything right away give her a day as she may be thinking of how to make it up to you. If she continues too not acknowledge it then there may be another problem and I would approach her more directly on the subject.
2006-10-10 14:26:16 · answer #3 · answered by gettingmadtoday 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happened with me once and rather than delaying the issue i myself called her. Seems she was upset that i was not giving her enough time now a days and was always busy with my new friends (which was true) and she gave me a taste of what life would be without her. It takes a long time to build any friendship so please talk to her if u really like her and don't want to lose her. Maybe it's something u did or said that upset her or she could be having some serious problems of her own, in both cases as a friend i think u should talk to her. Also since she sent u an e-mail i think she intentionally did'nt wish u which makes me think that it's probably something u have done. so talk to her. U r taking advice about it on yahoo, shows that she's imp to u so don't lose her. And don't worry everything will be fine. Such things keep happening between friends.
2006-10-10 15:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by macy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you want to know why so you should ask. I would ask before her birthday comes around because if it was a genuine mistake you would feel like a fool if you pretend to forget her birthday also.
What is your reason for being nice to her? Is it because she is nice to you? Whatever happens make sure you have no regrets. If she is such a good friend then there should not be a problem in asking a simple question.
2006-10-10 14:29:48 · answer #5 · answered by Ina T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This new aloofness of hers must be a bit upsetting. I'm sorry.
What I'd suggest is for you to offer your support. Maybe she's going through a rough time and is withdrawing because of it. (Some people will go into their shell when depressed or facing other problems because it's embarrassing to them.) I'm sure it hurt for her to forget about your birthday but it sounds like it might be more important to find out if she's going through a rough period and see if you can do anything to help.
You might have to suck up the whole birthday thing for now, you know?
I hope you get through this together.
2006-10-10 14:23:51 · answer #6 · answered by stimply 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should mention hers because she might be having some issues right now and that's why she forgot yours. You mentioning her birthday would let her know you still want to be friends. Plus it's only a birthday who hasn't forgotten someones one time or another.
2006-10-10 14:18:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would-approach it gently-saying you have felt a distance between the two of you lately but were unsure whether you were reading to much into it or not then when she overlooked your birthday you feel it became clear that something is wrong. say you cherish the friendship and hope it will get back on track and want to do what you can...
2006-10-10 14:20:04 · answer #8 · answered by Jep 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would just say "Hey I thought we'd go out for my birthday. Are you free this weekend?" That will jog her memory. She may just have a lot on her mind right now. If she knows when your bday is she will apologize for forgetting. If she says nothing then you'll know she truly doesn't remember it.
2006-10-10 14:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by nimopiba 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if she forgot your birthday then ask her if she is feeling alright she may be ill but don't want to bother you with it.
i would email her a birthday card and i think that would be a nice way for her to think of your too.
2006-10-10 14:24:31 · answer #10 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋