My son is 15 and I'm having probs. w/ him. He talks bad to me, is disrespecful & rude & doesn't do anything.

Question

My son is extremely rude to me, disrespects me ALL the time, talks back to me and doesn't do anything I ask. What have your tried and has worked?

Once when he pushed me and pinched me (leaving bruises) I called the Police. That worked for about a week. Now he knows better than to touch me or his 6 year old sister. I am so sick of his negative attitude. He is doing very well in school however. There is absolutely no contact with his Dad. Please help.

Answer 1

Boy needs diciplin.
YOU ARE NOT HIS FRIEND, YOU ARE HIS PARRENT!!!! START ACTING LIKE ONE.
Also there might be a need for a positive male figure in his life.
Hope that helps

Answer 2

Sounds like he wants to grow up and doesn't know how.

Your son desperately needs some appropriate male interaction. He's getting big so this is tough.

You might want to start with the school, since that seems to be a positive environment for him. See if the school guidance counselor will talk with him for a few sessions. Preferrably a male. If not the counselor maybe a Vice Principal or someone else on staff would be willing to counsel him. A man. Insist on a male.

See if there are any interests he has that he can share with an uncle or grandparent. Just do locate an adult male for him to interract with.

Your son is rebelling against female authority. Really, hon, it's not you. But you are going to have to find another role.

Go to him and tell him you see that he is growing up. Tell him the good things you see in him, and that you do see that he is responsible in school. Tell him you are going to trust him to make responsible decisions for your child, himself. Tell him how hard it is to give him the gift of this trust, but that you know he is becoming a man, and you want to support that and that from now on you are going to trust him to do right things. Then remove yourself.

When you speak to him, speak to him with respect. Respond to what he has to say. Do not react. Respond. Take a breath, think of what you want to say, and speak as if to a trusted friend. This teaches him respect.

Don't ask him to do things anymore. Let him make that decision.

This is the time when he has to determine what kind of man he is to be. There is nothing you can do. It is very, very hard to love him so much and want everything for him, and not be able to provide what he needs by virtue, simply, of being his mother....and not his father.

Don't initiate conversation, have his sister leave him alone. Just say, " Hello, Son." and let that be the end of the conversation. He'll come around. Give him some time. Don't bring up subjects that bring on misery. Trust that he can do this.

Get some rest, dear. You have done your best for him. Now it is time to relax and watch the garden grow.

Answer 3

Wow.....the situation does not sound good. I am not a therapist, but your son may be very angry with his father about not being around and taking it out on you. The physical abuse issue is of concern, and should be dealt with immediately and by a professional clinician.

I can share this though, if your attitude is negative, name calling, threatening and disrespecting, a 15 year old - boy or girl - will retaliate, guaranteed. My son is 14, and is getting to be a little mouthy. I usually sit down and talk with him about his issues first. I listen, listen, listen, and then if I am unclear about something I ask questions, and listen some more. Then I share my "perspective" about his issues, and ask him what he thinks about my ideas ....and then I listen, listen, listen some more. I never say words like I disagree, or I am disappointed.. I guess just don't "DIS" him so to speak. He is entitled to his perspective and so are you. You can share your different perspectives. You will both learn from each other. Kids often just want to be heard, and know that their parents genuinely are interested in their perspectives, especially at 15....a 35 year old in a child's body. I know when I was 15 I thought like that. And, again don't hesitate with the professional help. Best of luck to you and your boy.

Answer 4

Teenagers and hormones! Unfortunately the one he feels closest to bears
all his rampage, it's not nice being on the receiving end. When your son has
calmed down, and you feel that you could talk to him, ask him if you could
have a word, somewhere where you don't get interrupted, and have a 1to1
chat, start of by being positive mention how pleased you are with his
school work, or hobby he may be doing, then ask him, if there is anything
that he may want to change in his life what would it be etc., let him know
that from now on, you will not raise your voice to him, and you would rather
sit down and talk, maybe he would like to spend a quality evening with you,
doing anything he likes, but in return, he has to treat you with respect, and he
will lose his valued things for a while, if he mistreats you, it's your home
and that you are also protecting your daughter, as you don't want her to
have to listen or watch some of his threatening/bad behaviour as it is unfair
on her. If he wants to be treated like an adult he has to behave like one.
Make a small red card for him, on it write: 5Mins. Explain to him, that if
he feels angry, then he must produce and show this card,
on the understanding that when he does, you will back off, not say anything to
him until he wants to, and he has calmed down to talk. Let him know that if
this idea doesn't work you will have to resort by taking him to the doctors
so both of you can get further help.

Answer 5

You have to get tough! Tell him that it's inappropriate to talk to you that way and that you're not going to tolerate it. Take away his privileges, such as tv in his room, etc...And whatever you do, DONT back down from your convictions, no matter how miserable he makes things for you. If he's always been rude and disrespectful to you cause you've let him over the years, why would he know any different? It's up to you to teach him how to be a man. I know it's hard being mom and dad, but you're not doing him any favors by letting him get away with his behavior. Once he realizes that you're serious and not going to give in, he'll start to change his behavior. Just remember that 15 is a hard time for him and he's probably holding in some resentment for the missing dad which is being directed at you. As for his chores, make sure there are consenquences for not doing them and rewards for a good job done. Stay strong and stay tough!

Answer 6

i am 15 but a girl my mother told me when i was 12 that my father wasn't my bialogical father but at the time i was happy because he was abusave to my mother a while after he was drunk and also told me, but the next day and every day since he has treated me differant my eldest brother ran away but i spoke to him after a while later a year or so later my brother 3 years older than me also ran away but he didnt quiet have the curage to face my step father and say he wasnt coming home so about a month ago i also ran away but told my mum two nights later where i was so maybe a week later i came home and spoke two my parents so maybe you could try talking to youre son and speaking about problems and his father plus family days out if that does not work be tuff and start punishing him like taking away pocket money and phone computers any thing hes intrested in. let me know what happens on [e-mail]

Answer 7

You did exactly the right thing! I'm assuming your a single parent. Boys and girls are usally problems to the opposite parent. I myself find it hard to spank my girls...but once my son said something smart, I jacked him up so fast his eyes got the size of saucers. He's 6'4 1/2" I'm 5'9 1/2" so, all I had to do is scare him...it worked. I realize it's not going to work that way for you, but here's the deal...It's like when a new rooster is born into the nest....he's at the age where he is trying to show independance, trying to be THE rooster of the nest. That's why he needs to learn to respect you. It's going to be harder for you but if he gets like that then just call the police...or a friend that he respects..if anyone. I discipline my girls by taking away the things they want most...not materialistic things, but birthday parties, school trips, certain things they want. they know they have to be good in order to get what they want. Of course their attention span has to allow for mistakes. But maybe that will help you. you still have to sign any permission slips for trips at school etc.....he's going to want a driver's licence soon....but he doesn't have to get one til he's a legal adult and can do it for himself if he's going to be a little ****. Hopefully some of these things will spark ideas. If he gets physical call the police...They usually have ways to scare the kid to respect their parents.....Here is one thing I remind my son of as well when he smarts off to his mother(we're divorced but there is no reason to disrespect her) I tell him if it wasn't for her and me, he'd be a stain on a sheet somewhere! lol good luck i hope I helped.

Answer 8

I did this to my mom when i was 15. I was starting to do drugs and hanging out with the WRONG pple. I was SO mean and disrespectful. I would even hit her. I had no male figure at home to help my mom out. I think that this is kind of a cry out for help. It was for me anyways. I was heading in the wrong direction. The only thing i can say is to call the police when he gets violent. When he goes to court you need to be completely up front with the judge he should try and send him to a temp. home (behavioral improvement center). That's what they did to me. I can also say that he will only get worse until he gets better. I think you need to call a few temp. home placement centers to get him under control. I would also drug test him. I bet you a MILLION dollars he is doing some kind of drugs w/ his BAD friends. Contact a school counselor too. You can do it. My mom did. I finally realized when i was 17 (after i ran away to Florida) that i needed to grow up. So i did. Hopefully he will learn sooner.

Answer 9

I'm glad you called the police. If he is verbally abusive you can call the police as well. Also, you can refer him to the court as a child in need of supervision. You can have him evaluated by your local mental health provider to see if there are other issues. You don't say how long... does he have different friends? what about drugs? How about looking into some form of mentoring by an adult male in the community? Talk to his school and see if they have any suggestions as well as his doctor. It takes courage to ask for help but in the end, the outcome may protect you and your daughter.

Answer 10

Ground him. Start taking things away that he likes. Once he realizes he can't go anywhere or do anything he likes, maybe he'll treat you better. Make him stay in his room for awhile and think about the way he's been acting.
I have to agree, you have to start them out young, making them mind you. Being a parent and not a friend. Or else they will never respect you.
You may want to think about finding a father for your children. A positive father figure for your children may help your oldest change his attitude problem. He maybe missing having a father around and resenting you for not having one. (Even though it probably isn't your fault). But children really need a mother and a father for them to learn and grow. Good luck to you!!

Answer 11

First off your son possesses an abusive nature and you should seek counseling to resolve and teach him how to better handle his feelings of anger and aggression without resorting to physical abuse. Is there a father figure in this boys life? If not then check into a mentor or Big Brother program for him. There are a number of scenarios that could be causing his acting out - absence of father, anger about the divorce, witness of mental or physical abuse by his father towards you, or drugs. Please seek counseling for him before it is to late for him or before your mother/son relationship is destroyed beyond repair. Good luck to you and your son.