Verbally abused by my son. How do I handle this?

Question

This has only been going on for the last two years and since his divorce. I have always tried to be supportive of what he does, and have never interfered in his relationships. Now I am being accused of bad mouthing him to his friends and other members of the family. If anything I always back him up. What could be the reason for this. I am very confused as I love him very much, but he is intent on hurting me whenever he can.

Answer 1

It sounds like your son is trying to make you suffer as much as he is suffering on the inside. This is called projection. He is projecting his feelings and anger onto you because he can't expressed them onto the person who it should be directed on. This is not healthy because it can cause you to have emotional problems. He could be bitter about his divorce and his ex-wife may be the intended party for such hostility, but instead you are in his path. Verbal abuse is a form of family violence and you may need counseling. "Genesis" in Dallas, Texas is a great place to get counseling or any other place that deals with counseling victims of domestic abuse. It is said that we hate the people closest to us but in this cause there is no excuse for his action and you don't have to tolerate this type of abuse. Good Luck

Answer 2

Ask him to go out with you in a public area, i.e., cafe for a chat, as you
feel that things aren't well between you, hopefully he may not raise his
voice in public, explain how you think and feel, and how much hurt you have been feeling since the last two years of his abuse. Tell him that from now on
you will set a time to listen to his problems, (without forming your own opinion to readily) and also let him know that you will try and not
intentionally to "bad mouth" him in front of his friends, but
also he has to give something in return and that's not to verbally abuse you.
If the conversation gets a little tense, work out a system at home where one leaves the room, go for a walk, and try to calm down before addressing the problem. Hopefully time will heal, and maybe both of you will have a good relationship again, let him know it's a stage in his life, where he will have
to close this bad chapter, as it's not, good for his health and causes bad
feeling to those all around, in given time perhaps both of you may
be close again.
Good Luck!
Lain

Answer 3

If his built bigger than you then I would not consider touching him otherwise he could bash you. If he is a teen, it is phase they go through. they are rebellious and dont appreciate advise and correction. With papa out of the picture, he can try to get his way by showing you he is reckless and deadly.
So the advise i give u is;
1- Do not lower yourself to his level. So don't quarrel with him nor shout back at him.
2- Sit him down and lay down ground rules. Time getting in, house work, school work, bad language.
3- Be clear about the penalties for his bad behaviour which may include throwing him out of the house, not paying him pocket money etc.
when you make rules, don't bend. Follow them however painful or angry he behaves. If it gets worse, involve your family with big boys/men and if it gets even worse, the police.
Boys need serious counsel or else they get spoilt.

Answer 4

It sounds as though he just wants someone to take out all his frustrations on. You know whats that old saying misery loves company, well any way i wouldn't put up with it, after all he's an adult not a child and i would tell him if he can't show a little respect then take his as- down the road and don't come back until he can. You have done all you can.

Answer 5

Sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him and ask him what his problem is, tell him you love him unconditionally and that you are always there for him and always have been. Ask him WHY he wants to hurt you. Tell him you have never and will never talk bad about him. Lots of luck and I will pray for you, God be with you, Juanita

Some of the others read you question wrong, honey. I realized he is the one that divorced and so he is an adult. But, also tell him you will not tolerate his bull.

Answer 6

Sounds like beating will not work at this stage. Just share a case of beer and watch the Steeler games together every Sunday until he sees that you are on his side.

Really, just try to spend constructive father son time with him. Go fishing, watch the game, play one-on-one hoops. Do something.

Answer 7

Let him know that you are his father and you brought hiim up on what was wrong and right.. Fine, he's grown now and has a life of his that is not under your roof but he has no right disrepect you. Tell him that if he wants, you could allow him to continue to make mistakes but he shouldn't let his ex control the life he's living because they split up. She might not be physical controlling him but since they split, he's been acting rash and he should consider "Honour thy father and thy mother that thy days may be long"

He should move on and think of what he has left not what he's lost..

Answer 8

I am sorry for your pain, it must be awful.

Your son is behaving like a spoiled toot. You will need to lay it on the line that you are simply not going to put up with this behavior any longer. The divorce was between your husband and you not him and you are not his doormat. Make some strong boundaries with clear expectations and consequences and stick to them! It might be sticky now.. and it might be miserable for a short while..but you will win him over with tough love.

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 9

This is deep. You need support. I encourage you to find a good counselor you can trust so you can deal with the hurt, and, make a plan to set your limits for this. Abuse is abuse and enough is enough. Go get help and stand up for yourself.

Answer 10

How old is this kid? If under 18, he needs a good 'whoppin', on a daily basis until he learns respect for you.
If he is an adult, then he needs to get his b*utt out of your house and earn a living for himself. When he comes back he may have some idea what you went through to get him where he is.