Please tell me your stories of waiting until the right time to have a baby...?

Question

I just keep thinking about getting married and having kids. My fiance and I have decided to pay our credit cards and excess bills off in the next year and get married, then have kids within a year after getting married or else when our bills are paid off. I'm 23 and he's 24 and we've been together for six years. I just want to get married and have kids now and I can't stop thinking about it!!! I'm to the point where I get depressed when I go to picnics and everyone has their kids there. I just want to have a baby now!!!

Answer 1

Wanting a baby is only the first step. You are very smart to get yourselves in the best possible financial situation before having kids. It will make things more enjoyable if you try to eliminate some of the financial stress.

There is never a perfect time to have kids but there is a smart an logical way to decide when to have them. Getting married would be the first thing to do. You have a plan in mind and I think it is a very good one. Waiting and having patience sucks but you will need it for those kids!

If you really want kids now, talk to your fiance about getting marrie sooner etc....see what he says...

Answer 2

There is never a right time to have kids. There is always something else you can do or more bills to pay off..BUT, if you are to have kids (assuming you already have a house) definately wait until the MAJOR bills are paid off. The last thing you want to do is go into that situtation with bills. Being married is hard enough, having kids is even harder and the last thing you want to do is fight over money problems. You don't have to be completely financially set, but your kids should be your first concern not money. DO NOT rush into it. That is just asking for disaster. Rarely does any good come out of rushing into having kids.

Having two kids of my own I wish I would have been more financially stable, at the same time, I don't regret for a second for having them.

I think you have a great outlook for approaching this situation. You and your potential spouse need to be happy about where you are at as a couple. Once that is established you can then bring children into that loving environment. Marriage should be forever and be as happy and stable as possible, the last thing you want to do is raise a kid in a unstable and unhappy home. Money can ruin that in a heartbeat. Money should not be your primary concern, hence why you should have bills paid off first.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

Oh, sweetie, that's your biological clock talking. I swear, once we hit a certain age, it becomes an obsession, like some sort of mental disorder! Your better sense is telling you the truth. It's far better to wait.
Try this, go to Target or Walmart around noon. Sit in the food court (stay away from the baby aisle) and listen to all the screaming babies. That always shakes me out of my baby obsession.

My friend was just like you, got married, had 3 babies one right after the other, went further into dept, and misery. By the time her oldest was 5 she would tell me that she wished the passed 6 years of her life had never happened. That she didn't wish her kids any harm, but if someone offered to turn the clock back for her she would do it in a heartbeat and not have children right then. Her marriage fell apart and she ended up sending her kids to live with relatives.
She kept saying, just like you, it got to be all she thought about was getting married and pregnant, until she couldn't be happy anymore. Then having the kids took the pressure off and she didn't want them anymore.
She said when the obsession was riding her, she thought she would be the best mom. That at that point in her life, all she wanted was a baby so she could devote the rest of her life to motherhood and parenting.
It didn't work out for her.
Maybe you should see a therapist first.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I'm 23 as well and sometimes feel the same way you do. I hear about all of my friends in high school who are already married and have kids. I even have a friend who's already going through a divorce! It makes me feel old at times, ironically. I also have a lot of bills to pay off and the thing that gets me through these times is the thought that if I were to have a child I wouldn't be able to financially provide for it. From a long-term standpoint it really is best to wait.

Have you thought about babysitting or working part-time at a day care? That might alleviate your need to have a child right away. The children you would be taking care of wouldn't be your own but it doesn't mean that you couldn't love and nurture them in the same way. Plus, this would be a great way to work on parenting skills. Who knows, you may just find out that you want to wait a few more years. Good luck :-)

Answer 5

I understand how you feel. I was the same way before I got married. However, we've waited until a year after marriage to start trying. I think its better to be married for a little while. I lived w/ my husband before we were married but still there was a slight difference in our relationship once we married (in a good way). I'm glad we had the time to just be the two of us while married. Plus, you're still pretty young. By your claculations, you'll be pregnant by 25 or so. That's not that far off. Be patient. I have found, in myself and every one I've ever spoken to, that the years b/t 20 and 25 are major changing years and you're a different person from one age to the other.
Lastly, children are wonderful but extrememly difficult. There is so much that comes with having children- day care, insurance, doctors, no sleep, no time for your other relationships (i.e.-new husband). Keep this all in mind before you get preg so you can give your children the best. Good Luck!

Side note: the girl who responded before me is an idiot

Answer 6

Alot of people are saying "Do it now, do it now". One word of caution is this could be your boyfriends way of saying "I don't feel ready for a baby yet. I don't feel I would be a good father right now." If that's the case, either respect it or don't expect him to stick around because you're thinking with your hormones, not your head, and can't respect his desire to put off children. I strongly recommend premarital counseling. If he does not want children, you are under no obligation to stay with him. Find a man who wants children, but do NOT trap someone into children they do not want.

I didn't read the post above mine before posting, but god DAMN anyone who takes that idiot's advice deserves what they get. Men are not stupid, regardless of what we might like to think. This is why more men that don't want children should seriously consider vasectomy so **** rags like the one above don't trap them into children.

Answer 7

There will never be a right time financially because there will always be bills and debts. Do it now because it will all work out in the end, you will learn to make sacrifices in order to make ends meet, and the bottom line is that you are at the right, appropriate age to have kids. It's sick all these women in their 30s and 40s reproducing. No woman should ever have a kid after she has passed 32 years old. So go for it now, hon, and good luck.

Answer 8

I had an quite reliable feeling as quickly as i found out i became pregnant that i became having somewhat female. I insisted to everybody that i became having a woman for the time of the full being pregnant. i needed to renowned for useful so i ought to understand if my feeling became genuine. yet legs have been crossed up till the month in the previous i became due so as that they did not have a clue of the gender. Then ultimately, a month in the previous my due date, the ultrasound tech have been given a rapid look and stated she became approximately seventy 5% useful i became having a woman. My feeling became one hundred% genuine. I now have a 17 month previous daughter.

Answer 9

I waited, the right time never came, and now I am 47.
If you wait for the right time, you'll never have kids.

Answer 10

please don't report me for abuse, but do you use condoms? pulls out? if you take pills, stop taking them, or tamper with the birth control and soon enough you'll get pregnant and he'll never know what happened.
but i think what you're doing now, getting ready before taking the plunge is a good idea.